I've written many times on this blog about the death of American culture through popularity contests, so it's not suprising to learn I'm not a fan of the general public obsessing over who the greatest basketball player is of all time, or who the fastest guy is, or who has the most views on Tiktok, who wore it best at the Oscars, or any of those celebrity-related metrics. Seeing the greatest sports star ever is great once, but what utility does that have to one's life? Can that basketball star use his skills to battle evil? Solve world hunger or the climate crisis? (Some celebrities do use their fame and wealth to support good causes, but that's not what made them famous in the first place). I wonder how many people out there are the best teachers in the world (or in their local area, and unders subjective analysis since there's no quantatitive metric as to who the best teacher in the world is) or the best doctor in the world who's saved the most amount of lives, or the best social worker who's gotten the most unhoused kids off the streets, or the best nurses who've made the most elderly people die a little more with dignity. These are the people who we should be celebrating, but all of the collective public's concentration is focused on the most basic-instinct aesthetics like beauty, physical prowess, music ability, etc.
Which is why I want to shout out possibly the best phlebotomist in the world, whom I met today during a blood donation at my local American Red Cross Center. My donation journey has taken me to several states and cities across the U.S., but maybe all those donations paid off to finally find him, "The Vein Whisperer" as I call him, because he has the magical ability to stick a needle in my vein without me barely even feeling it. Usually I'm a mess the day of a blood donation because I stress out about that feeling of the vein going in, the millisecond (or longer sometimes, previous bad experiences have had the "nurse" working there feeling around the vein with the needle in my arm to find the right spot! It's the same feeling of anxeity and dread I have if I know I need to go on a roller coaster soon, the anticipation is worse than the actual thing. When the needle does go in, sometimes it's relatively smooth and a weight is lifted from my shoulders, but sometimes it DOESN'T go smooth and I'm scarred all over again for the next time it has to happen. Today was the same: I do platelets now, so I knew there would be double-arm apheresis, meaning TWO needles going in, one in each arm, so I was bracing for it and hold my breath when Andre (not his real name) The Vein Whisperer looked at my arm, told me to squeeze and hold, looked at my bulging vein (my vein has always been easy to spot), and just went in with one swift motion. Notice that he didn't fudget around, waste time, draw pictures on my arm (some nurses do draw to triangulate the spot, I always thought it was unnecessary at least for me) or give a brief spiel right before going in like "There's going to be a pinch and a squeeze, OK?" which makes it worse for me waiting with baited breath......Andre just went in with a professional, practiced swift motion, not too firm, but determined and smooth. Vein went in, and alarm bells didn't sound in my mind; everything was at peace. I audibly heard myself saying, "Wow, that wasn't bad at all." Andre just smiled, a man seemingly possessing the confidence of someone who has done plenty of needle sticks before and had been complimented about his skills before. But wait, there was a second arm.....Did it also go in painlessly? The second one was not as silky smooth as the first one in which I almost felt nothing (I definitely felt the needle), but it wasn't like a sharp pain! It's that sharp jolt like jumping in a tub of freezing water that we blood donors all dread (at least I imagine so, most other blood donors I see all just sit there and take it calmly while I'm a squirmer) but no sharp pain! It was as if the needle knew it was in the hands of Andre and just accepted its fait of piercing the skin effortlessly, like diving into the swimming pool (of my skin) without a splash. Man what a feeling.
Am I addicted to blood donations? I don't think so. I can stop any time! Haha, I think about this recently because I'm rewatching Breaking Bad, a genius show some consider to be the best of all time (another one that has no practicality, but it's definitely addictive!) and the show is not only about drug addicts and the powers of addiction, but also POWER addicts like Walter White who is addicted to the thrill of crime and POWER to feed his pride. Maybe I'm like Walter, I'm addicted not to the feeling of the needle going in (definitely don't like that) but to the idea of helping others out and feeling that little bit of moral brownie points and imaginary intake of good karma? Nah. Unfortunately Walter White has the gift of knowing chemistry and being able to produce the best methamphetamine products in the world, which......has a practical effect but just in a very, very negative way. Breaking Bad also has the concept of being the best in the world and the best quality product in the world, something that is actually pretty valuable in this wide world we live in......I think MJ would jump at the chance to drink the best coffee in the world every day, as I would jump at the chance to be the best fantasy baseball player in the world, or know the most languages in the world.
It'd be really good to be the best at anything and have the knowledge that I was. Maybe I am in small, unnoticed ways that don't really matter? I know I'm not the best translator, language expert, trivia player, dodgeballer, husband, son, lawyer, or camp counselor in the world. I guess I'm pretty good at driving long distances in a car and putting other people in the car to sleep (and many times, almost myself while driving to sleep).... I have a rhythmic way of driving I guess. I also have some of the best veins in the world, at least I've been told my the Vein Whisperer and other phlebotomists. I continue to have this vein notion that I have the best blood in the world that might help patients recover faster (I also tend to recover really quickly like Wolverine). Maybe one day I'll do something as good as the Vein Whisperer does at his job.
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