I've watched a lot of Ben Stiller movies over the years, and I realized he's probably one of the top actors for me in terms of number of movies I've seen with him in it, from Zoolander to Meet the Family to The Secret Life of Malter Mitty to the movie that I wish there will be a sequel coming out soon, Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story, not to mention others like Anchorman in which he plays a small part. I even saw The Heartbreak Kid! Maybe I'm just at a different age now, but I've never seen as thought-provoking a Ben Stiller movie as the one I just saw, "While We're Young" about a couple in their 40s who went through a lot of turmoil trying to have a kid but didn't, and then meet a 20-something couple who they gravitate towards because Ben Stiller's character wants to be a younger version of himself. That really resonated with me. Part of the frustrating thing about this whole baby thing is that it reminds me of my younger self, that it would have been easier if we were younger versions of ourselves, and that we can't go back to those younger days, no matter how hard we try. The movie also makes some good points about younger people doing some stupid things like trying ayahuasca and not paying for the bill, which also resonated with me, but the main thing is the being young part, and the doubt and fear that you've wasted your life somehow (Ben Stiller's character is a documentary filmmaker who spent 10 years on one film and still didn't finish it, which does indeed seem like a waste of time). I sometimes (unfairly) give MJ a hard time for not having done certain things earlier in her life, but I also have fears of wasting my life; did learning these languages really matter? Did playing dodgeball, a kids' game, all those years intefere with actually trying to have a kid? Does anything really matter? Did my youth go waster, and I wasted the time I had "while I was young?" Ironically, the term "While we're young" is used by people when someone else is taking too long at something, like sitting in traffic telling the pedestrian crossing the street to go faster, or waiting in line to use the public bathroom. That whole phrase really emphasizes how important it is to accomplish things while we still have the time to.
There's another small, underappreciated part in the movie, though, where Ben Stiller talks to his adult friend who's just had a baby about parenting and what's having a baby like, and the truth is it's hard; it adds a layer of complication to life that's hard, no matter how old you have the baby, and no one's ever ready for it. Am I really just dying to have a baby? Not really, I guess. I see other people having babies and I get jealous and craving what they don't have like a neighbor looking at someone's lawn, oh and I want to deliver at least one grandchild to my parents so they can experience the feeling of passing the torch to the next generation (MJ might feel that it is unfair to have to put her through pregnancy just to give something to my factors, but in truth it is a factor); would I survive another 5, 10 years without a baby? Sure I could. It's just this deadline thing of having limited time to have a baby, literally "while we're young." We have to do it or we lose the ability to. That's really the hard part, and clinging to the last vestiges of youth and the sweet times of little responsibility and living free in the world, knowing that it's soon to give away to parenthood and as MJ reminds me often, "my good days will be over."
There are so many pithy expressions in life that are thrown around in the media or by people you meet, one of them by job counselors telling you to "follow your passion." I just listened to a job expert on a podcast basically say "that's the worst advice you can get." You should actually NOT follow your passion at least for job seeking, and actually do what you're good at, or what the market demands, because your passions often change, you change as a person, and you can't change your career that fast when your passions suddenly change (imagine if I had followed my 29-year-old self's passion of dodgeball). A lot of those pithy expressions are found in Nathan Chen's book, btw, which I read but realized he's not that gifted of a writer, it was just a personal diary of him going through his Olympic experiences as a "generational" talent at figure skating, which is great for him but it's tough for ordinary people like me reading the book to get any solid advice from that, it's probably more likely I have more exerpience and wisdom as a 36-year-old guy with little to no talent trying to make it in this world than it is that the 20-year-old Nathan Chen can teach me anything actionable. Anyway, "While We're Young" also debunks popular myths about having a baby and that "it changes you for the better," where the movie just says those same people telling you that will start assuring you "it'll be better later" as soon as you get home from the hospital for the baby. That's not... that reassuring. The whole movie is a little anti-baby, TBH, where Naomi Watts once calls America a "baby cult" encouraging people to have babies.....I can see that. Bottom line, no one can predict what it means for me personally, and I (and MJ) need to make the decision ourselves.
I just went to a baby shower today. Everybody seemed so happy and welcoming for the baby to come! Best of luck to the parents. But was it another example of the "baby cult" claiming another one into their ranks? Haha.
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