Addictions (瘾, 中毒, 탐닉)

I've never thought that I had an addictive personality because I don't do any drugs, drink much alcohol, and only gamble when I go to Las Vegas, but recently I've realized addiction isn't just about bad addictions.......addictions can be channeled into productive habits. Especially in a world where attention spans are constantly shrinking and humans are capable of doing so many different things, often all at the same time, it might be necessary to engage in a few addictive behaviors, as long as they're positive. 

For example, when I was a kid, I was to reading books: crumpling into a sofa or lying down on the carpet (we were a low-budget family when I was a kid) and running my fingers through the smooth pages, I would devour stories as a youth while getting a dopamine hit every time I flipped a page, that swish of the page turning similar to the ringing of a slot machine at the casino, encouraging me to continue. 

In my 20's, I went through a few different phases of addiction where I was constantly thinking about a specific goal and therefore trying to fill my brain as much as possible with it all the time: first it was dodgeball, which coincided with learning Japanese, then once I had made some money it turned into the stock market.......these were things that my mind turned to each time I got bored, when I was in the car and had nothing else to think about, I would just naturally turn to turning on a Japanese podcast, or thinking about the previous night's intense dodgeball match, or listening to Jim Cramer or a stock market podcast. These were all self-sustaining addictions: The more I participated in them, the better I got at it. (Compare to this to some bad addictions, like drugs, where the more you use them, the worse of a high you get, and you need more and more just to feel the same thing, thus needing more and more and developing a dependency). I don't think I ever developed a "dependency" in any of my addictions, but I did feel like it'd be a shame to stop since I hadn't reached the end goal, so everything I'd done up to that point would be wasted if I didn't keep going. It also felt powerful to develop new skills, like I was going on new adventures. A good gauge of if something is an addiction: If when you wake up, the first thing you think about is that thing. I've done my best to wean off fantasy baseball, which is a constant bane on my existence, since games can start as early as 12PM EST and be on continuously until 1AM the next morning. And it's EVERY SINGLE DAY. I even moved to the East Coast to make the games start later so I'd have more time in the morning with a fresh brain to absorb other information. 

Other signs of addiction: constantly needing to check or get a fresh "hit" of it. This of course applies for everyone and their cell phones, but I found myself doing everything that's described in "The Social Dilemma," the Netflix documentary about the negative effects of social media: my fingers just naturally click on "Facebook" or "Youtube" without thinking, hoping for the next hit of an incendiary message or update of a Youtube channel I'm subscribed too. I've tried to diverget that subconcious itch to check the next message by making the first 2 Safari tabs the Korean-English dictionary (so I can check the next Korean word) and the J Archive, because I don't mind learning a new fact or three every time I check my phone, and I don't get bored by it. It's like my 10-year-old self opening up a new book from the library again, turning through pages of trivia to test myself and feel smarter, which fuels the efficiency freak in me (and productivity disciplanarian in me) to focus on that one task at the expense of all others (including hopefully unhealthy addictions). It's a battle of addictions, and as the Chairman of Robert's Brain Activities I have to enact policies that ensure we get the most production out of my addictive tendencies. 

I tried to explain this idea of a healthy addiction to my sister, to not much avail. A shrug and a comment to brush me off, as I've become what teachers must feel like: just a nag whose words of advice can just be ignored. It's understandable, when I was 25 I probably wouldn't have followed anyone's advice; I was headstrong and thought I had everything figured out, thus living out the phrase "youth is wasted on the young." And really, I can't preach too much if I'm guilty of the same sin of checking my phone all the time.  Maybe we will one day go through an internet detox session together, or a "negative-to-positive addiction" session could do the trick. 

Fantasize on, 

Robert Yan 

Qinsheng Wang (1925-2021) 王勤生

As painful as this last week has been, especially Sunday night in the hospital room and the Monday after being in shock, I have chosen to celebrate the life of my grandfather and remember as many happy memories as I can, which is probably the best way to celebrate his life. 

Qinsheng Wang was born into a large family in 1920's China, which was still an agricultural society coming off the end of feudal society (end of the Qing Dynasty was 1911). He served in the army as young boy in World War II and the Chinese civil war afterwards working in the supply force, and then afterwards he had 2 daughters, the younger of which was my mother. Between that time, despite no formal college education, he developed a near-dictionary level handle of Chinese vocabulary, which is like tens of thousands of Chinese letters that are more intricate than English words (due to lack of an alphabet and characters being written in so many unqiue strokes), knowledge that he would later impart to a mostly willing and sometimes lazy student (that would be me).

My first memory of my grandfather would have been a memorable experience for anyone: I flew on an airplane for the first time and flew from the country I was born in (China) to a new country (the U.S.), permanently moving my home, on an transcontinental flight from Shanghai to Chicago, with a layover stop in Vancouver in between. I can still remember the slight confusion as a 4.5-year-old boy in December 1991 being pulled out of kindergarten (or was it preschool?) in the middle of the day and told to pack up all my belongings and go with my grandfather, who I had just barely met, to the airport, a trip whose purpose I was unclear about. I'm pretty sure I asked my grandfather "are we there yet?" in Chinese an annoying amount of times, and got airsick at least once on the long flight. My grandpa did a great job navigating us through the Vancouver airport to where we needed to go, and I followed obediently. At long last, when we arrived in the Chicago airport, I followed grandpa as we made it out past customs and through security, out the double doors......and into America. My parents were there waiting, starting us on a saga that is the life I lead today. 

Ever since I was a child I have went everywhere with my grandpa and did everything together, wherever he went I went. When he flew on an airplane to the U.S., I also flew on an airplane to the U.S. When I walked to elementary school, he also walked to elementary school with me. We were like a match made in heaven. It wasn't until I grew up that I understood that grandpa was doing these things for my sake. He was coming to America so I could live with my parents and start a better life in the U.S., and he was walking to school with me for my safety. He was making a sacrifice; living out his retirement years in China where he had lived his whole life would have been easy; coming to a foreign land where he didn't know the language nor the customs or people was risky, but he did it for me. 

My grandpa had a way of explaining things that I was very receptive to. He had a booming voice (maybe that's where I picked up my speech pattern from) but also had a strong storytelling ability, explaining my lessons in Chinese with eloquence and expertise. Many of his stories were about Chinese history and Chinese literature, things not taught in the American schools, so gradually I learned about both American and Chinese cultures in a type of dual education. More importantly, I learned to speak Chinese and preserved my Chinese ability from a young age, a vitally important skill later on in my life. While learning with grandpa, I never felt bored or unwilling to learn; all the lessons were interesting and provided a slice of life of an older time. This was also before cell phones and the internet, so I didn't have that many distractions. Grandpa was also pretty strict about not watching TV until all the homework was done for the day, which is still a great example to live by: learn while your brain is fresh as much as you can, then wach TV only when your brain is tired and needs a break (not the other way around like most of today's social media users). 

One other very important life lesson I learned from grandpa: protecting my health. He never smoked and rarely drank if at all, but his daily ritual included waking up very early in the morning (normally 5AM) to do his morning exercises, then took a walk during the day as well to get fresh air and enjoy the outdoors. One particular exercise I have fond memories of was situps in the morning, where he would hold down my feet while I bent tried to do as many situps as I could. Later in life, grandpa would cut down on all these physical activities as his body couldn't handle it anymore, but the foundation he had set for me was already there, and they were ingrained at a young age, less likely to be forgotten. 

One of the most educational, enjoyable, and memorable activities for me as I grew older was to read newspapers with grandpa. One of grandpa's daily rituals was to read the Chinese newspaper, but I did not have enough of a vocabulary to read the newspapers as a child, and the newspapers were in traditional Chinese letters. Plus, the news was not that interesting to me. However, as an adult, one of my favorite pasttimes was to sit on the couch with my grandpa and read over articles in Chinese, point out the characters I didn't recognize, and have grandpa translate them for me. For certain words, grandpa would have a long story about the context of the world, its historical significance, or some other anecdote that gave more information than merely what appeared on the page. This was grandpa's way of commuicating with me, of teaching. Even as I was gradually assimilating to the U.S. culture, away from the Chinese tradtional thought that grandpa was used to, teaching me new Chinese words and phrases was his way of continuing the conversation, to help me even more in ways that I didn't appreciate. I already miss these times, but luckily I had enough foresight to write all the words down in notebooks; I've filled several volumes with all the Chinese phrases I've learned over the years; I haven't learned all of them yet, but I look forward to rehashing all of them, each phrase filling another piece of grandpa that stays with me forever. 

Fantasize on, 

Robert Yan 

Funeral (葬礼, 장례식)

 The last 48 hours have been deeply troubling for me as I reconcile my grandfather's passing and conflicting emotions of sadness, frustration of not being able to do more to help him, anger at the hospital for seeming so callous about the situation (I know it's their job to handle sick people and deah all the time, but it seemed like they were just there to do a job, no human compassion) mixed in with just a little bit of relief that my grandfather doesn't need to do doctor visits anymore, blood tests that bruise up his arm, cough uncontrollably and otherwise suffer from the various afflictions that plagued him, culminating in the most recent unpleasant hospital stay that confined him to a bed and didn't allow him to get up and use the restroom and had various IV's injected into his arm as well as breathing aids stuffed into his nose and morphine injected into his body to calm him down and make him feel better. Relief that he no longer has to feel the deterioration of his body as he went from being a healthy 90-year-old being able to exercise in the morning and walk around the neighborhood to being forced to move downstairs from upstairs due to being unable to walk up the stairs as well as needing a walker and cane to go anywhere, and running out of energy to do some of the things he liked to do most, go to the senior citizens center where he met with his other elderly friends and living his life. I hope that he is now in a better place and can get back to the healthy, energetic teacher who could hear everything I said clearly and had the energy to teach me Chinese, walk me to school through the inner city streets of Chicago, to learn English in order to adapt the culture in America even at age 68, to give encouraging bits of advice and provide history lessons regarding Chinese empires and political change. That's the grandfather I knew and loved and will always remember, and as long as I remember him he will be a part of this world forever, his memory and inspiration living on. 

I've never been to a funeral, much less organize a funeral, which is why I was confused and consented to whatever the nurses told us the night my grandfather died. I wasn't thinking anything about where to send my grandfather to, just trying to get over the schock of it all, but the nurse in charge seemed ready to eject us and my grandfather out of the hospital as soon as possible, asking if it was OK that we had him sent to the funeral home that the hospital had a connection with. The many years of training I've had as a lawyer to question everything as well as general adult experience gave way in that moment to my general aptness for being agreeable, and along with parents just did whatever the nurse suggested, noting in the moment that the nurse seemed a bit too eager to call in the funeral home to take my grandfather's body away. In reality, I believe every hospital should have a storage area to temporarily store to afford the family some time to find a funeral home of their choice. Regardless, I now realize how deeply depressing it is for all loved ones out there to organize a funeral right after their family member has just passed away.....suddenly there's all these costs to discuss, whether the body would be cremated or buried, when the service and visitation hours would be, what kind of urn to carry the ashes, and ordering death certificates. It didn't help that the funeral director walked in like she was in a hurry, skipping the formalities (a "sorry for your loss" would have been nice) and launched into pricing plans, like we were buying a used car or discussing a business transaction. In America (maybe the world), even funerals and death is commericalized into a profit-seeking business. I feel for all those family members out there who have to pull it together hours after seeing their family members pass away in front of them and still recovering from the shock to try to process what happened and that they will not be seeing their family member, as I did, to start discussing funeral arrangements, with the funeral home pushing the urgency of getting the body cremated before a certain time before it decays too much. I really wish we didn't have to go through that, and I really wish my grandpa didn't have to go through this. 

Nevertheless, I will do my best at the funeral and from now on to remember the best memories of my grandpa, to value his life lessons and celebrate his life in the best way that we can, and share his teachings and energy with the world so that he can live forever. 

Fantasize on, 

Robert Yan 

Mortality (죽어야 함, 死亡)

 This weekend I had to deal with the prospects of something I had hoped not to deal with ever and have been blessed with not having to deal with much at all in my life: mortality. My grandfather suddenly become very ill on Thursday night and took a turn seemingly for the worst on Saturday, so I flew back to be with him in case the worst happened. Luckily, he got through the most trying times and seemingly has stabilized, but he is still at the hospital with a firm discharge date. The fact that my grandfather is 95 years old (turning 96 in December, hopefully) doesn't change the fact that I was troubled by the possibility of his sudden death; I thought I was prepared for it given his age, but I guess I'm never really prepared for it; plus he's usually pretty healthy for a 96-year-old and has a healthy appetite. 

My views on death have changed; I used to be "deathly" afraid of death, and ironically it was my grandfather who made me aware of the possibility of death late one night. I think I was 6 or 7 years old, and in my inquisitive nature I finally asked my grandfather, "will you die one day?" Yes, he said, and you will too, a long time from now. Everyone dies. And he told me not to worry about it since I was so young. But that night I worried about it for a long time because "I don't want to die!" and I've thought about it since, always being too scared to even think too deeply about it because the thought of not having any more thoughts, not being able to do anything, FOREVER after I die was just pretty overwhelming. I'm not that young anyore, and I'm now closer to my death than I was before, but ironically I'm less scared of it, because I've accomplished many of the things I wanted to do: life goals, stability, experienced great things, and it's like the 5 stages of grief: I got though denial, and went to acceptance. I think of death as just the opposite of life, and my previous lamentation that it isn't fair for me to have to die has been neutralized by gratefulness that I was born, that I get to live a long and healthy life before I do eventually die. 

Now I'm more focused on my grandfather's quality of life before he dies, which might not be for a long time, but it's better to be prepared for it: it's much more ideal for me if it happens in a peaceful way, but if I've learned anything about real life it is unlikely to be in the dramatic way that Hollywood depicts it: surrounded by family members, have a last goodbye with each and every one of them, have a impactful last message to everyone. My grandpa was in considerable pain during his latest episode partly caused by confusion of being in the hospital and not being able to get up and move around or even use the restroom. It felt torturous for him not to be able to use the restroom, where he was embarrased to pee in bed or into his diaper. I could see the agony in his face as he pleaded with nurses to let him use it, which they had to refuse because he needed to stay in bed with his IVs. I'd never really been at many hospital rooms before MJ's borken leg a couple years ago and this most recent time with my grandpa, but consider me not a fan: I'd rather be outside visiting universities and office parks. It is just a sad place to have to stay while being sick, and especially if it's something of a terminal illness, really pondering one's own mortality. 

Fantasize on, 

Robert Yan 

Office Buildings (办公大楼, オフィスビル, 사무실 건물)

 I like the feeling of office buildings and office parks. It probably has to do with my interest in college campuses, libraries, and tall buildings, but something about being in a nice corporate office park inspires me and makes me happy. Today I ran around an office park around the local Costco that I frequent and marveled at the emptiness of the office park with several different building onwhat would be busy work day pre-pandemic, white-collar workers streaming out of the buildings on their way home to their surbaban homes into their Honda Accords or Toyota Camrys, or if they're really roughing it, the bus or train station. Now Covid has wiped most of that traffic out as everyone sets up camp in their own homes, which reminds me of the lyrics to an iconic Coldplay song, Viva La Vida: "I used to rule the world, seas would rise when I gave the word. But now I sleep alone, sweep the streets I used to own." 

It's not that bad to work from home (there are actually quite a few perks), but I do romanticize about the days I worked in downtown Los Angeles, among the buildings that served as the backdrop to music videos like Panic! at the Disco's "High Hopes" or movies like "Heat" (bank robbery scene) and I do miss the feeling of being part of something, the hustle bustle of a city and the commotion, being alive and part of something. Working in a fancy office building, while not necessary for my occupation, gave me a sense of purpose, the same purpose of wearing business clothing, that I mattered and had a job to do, a sense of belonging to the work force of America and the World. It also gave me confidence in the world, as some of the modern buildings were marvelous and intricately detailed in their design and architectural soundness, the roads spaced just far enough apart from each other and in some places even with air bridges several stories high that connected 2 differnet buildings. Maybe the human race is not doomed after all, look at all we've accomplished with these fancy buildings. Even today, in the empty office lot I ran through, there was a semicircle parking lot that created an arc around where cars could go in one side of the tunnel and out the other, having navigated around the actual building. 

Office buildings are indispensible parts of the memories I have of working during the last 10 years since graduating from law school; all my previous jobs before then were non-professional settings like at a grocery store, outdoor summer camp; I'll never forget starting my first law school internship at a real law firm, parking in the parking garage with fancy cars and going up to the reception desk to check in for the first day; riding up the elevator with other people dressed like me ready to start their work days; heading out to nearby restaurants during lunch or just heading out for a leisurely walk to break up the day; enjoying the sunlight, fresh air, and probably water fountains/ flower garden that were conveniently located outside the buildings. I think workers in these office settings are probably missing that feeling of having a second home to go to where they spend a half of their waking hours. Personally, as much as I feel like I've adjusted to the pandemic work settings, as soon as I walk onto a nice corporate office lot the memories flood back of all the different places I've worked and I can't help but look forward to getting back to one of them again someday. Viva la vida. 

Fantasize on, 

Robert Yan 

첩첩산중 疊疊山中 (Problems Coming One After Another)

One of the worst parts about moving into a new place is all the problems that need to be resolved right away and they come fast and heavy right off the bat, one after another, or as the Chinese idiom goes, "layers and layers in the mountain." It's one of the more stressful times, to have a deluge of new matters to take care of: coordinating with the movers as to the move-in day, setting up the gas and water, setting up the internet connection, making sure all the appliances work, cleaning a bit from the previous owner (a BIG problem from our previous owner), making repairs where needed, doing a new paint job, setting up the mail, understanding the new system of doing things in the building, setting up the rent payment system, etc., etc. It can be really overwhelming and easy to forget things during this process, and feel like things are moving at 100mph, or like putting out little fires one after another, each as urgent as the next task. During those times I envy the times when I've been living somewhere for quite a while, and familiar with everything and how it works, and can just relax a bit and enjoy life. Finally, 6 weeks into moving into our new home, after 2 washing machine near-disasters and a dishwasher malfunction, we're finally getting into a bit of a routine and being able to relax.......well, that is, after we finish the paint job of our living room, which we worked on over the weekend. Painting doesn't appear at first glance like a very difficult job, just grab a brush and start painting the wall, like putting crayon to a coloring book in 1st grade art class, right? Not exactly. Our home has pretty tall ceilings, which is great for living in so we don't feel cramped, but it also means I had to climb up the ladder, down the ladder, up the ladder, down the ladder, over and over again to paiting all the top edges and corners of the walls. Using a roller feels like it should go quick, but the rollers don't get the edgers well at all, and brushes are needed for the hard-to reach areas. Minutes turn into hours, and hours turns into the whole day, and painting just one room can turn into a big ordeal of sweat, dirty hands (got paint all over them), sore limbs from reaching up to paint) and even tears (almost, from me and MJ dealing with the stress). 

It's not just moving into a new home, neither. I always felt sympathy for my co-workers (back during pre-Covid when we all went to offices and were in the same physical location as other people) when they would hurry and stumble in from their morning commute, already distraught due to the stress of getting to work through traffic, or riding the train, or just making it up the elevators which sometimes could be a chore itself (or in bad-weather states, through rain and/or snow), that when they finally sat down in the seat, I didn't want to bombarde them with new information, like the new assignment that needed to be done that day, or new emails that were sent out. I knew, like I experience myself, that it's more relaxing to take a seat, get acclimated, login to my computer, and take a breath, ease into the workday instead of have everything just dumped on me like a mountain of tasks and information. 

In fact, MJ is dealing with that sort of one-after-another at her new job.......hoepfully it's a good kind of stress that will eventually help her in her career, but right now she's having a hard time adjusting....and I've definitely been there, trying to fit into the company culture, to make friends at the job, to do the job right, to know what bosses expect, to know what time the shuttle to pick her up from the hospital will come......all these things are new stressors she never had to worry about before, and it can all be overwhelming. But like painting a wall, once we get done with it, it will feel satisfying and like we accomplished something significant! "Nothing worth doing is easy."- said someone who probably had a few things thrown at him, Theodore Roosevelt. 

Good Samaritan Law

 The U.S. and many other laws called "Good Samaritan Laws" that encourage bystanders to assist people who are endangered or otherwise need assistance, whereas without these laws the assisting bystanders might be liable for any injury they cause while trying to assist. Blame it on law school, but our first year torts class at the University of Southern California Law School taught us that in tort law you can be held negligent if your assistance causes further injury to the injured party who can then become a plaintiff and sue you, so that really warned me off against providing roadside assistance. (Law school is also good at teaching other morally lacking behavior like "contributory negligence is not a complete bar to recovery," as in even if you're a negligent pedestrian checking out your phone while crossing the street and get hit by a car, that won't totally bar you from recovering from the driver of the car. The law is tough and doesn't always reward good behavior. 

Anyway, the Good Samaritan law comes from the Bible, Gospel of Luke, where the Good Samaritan sees a Jewish man on the road, beaten and hurt, and helps him even though he is of an opposing religion (Christian v. Jew). American has tons of hospitals named after the Good Samaritan- as I recall my sister was born at Good Samaritan Hospital in Downers Grove, IL. Anyway, sometimes I wonder if I should be a good samaritan and help others- I do try to donate periodically to worthy charities, I give blood every 3 months or so, but is there anything else I can do in this world? MJ has encouraged me to help the environment by cutting down on meat and recycling as much as I can, but there are still plenty of times I feel like I'm not earning my keep, living a very comfortable life of good health and good financial health while others are suffering. But what can I do? And am I doing something just to soothe my gnawing guilt, or is it actually helping someone in need? One of the times I've settled on that I can help is a roadside incident, where someone despearately needs help now.........but I haven't really encountered those. I'm not sure I'm supposed to stop in the middle of a highway for someone who's having car problems off to the side, and would I even be able to help? I don't know how to change a tire, don't know how to jump start a car (I guess they're all on Youtube?) I did one time stop to give a guy walking in a park some water, but turns out it was a homeless man who had some mental problems and yelled at me to "leave me alone!" Help is hard to give out nowadays. 

Today as I was running along my jogging path through a nearby university, I witnessed an unfamiliar scene: a deer was holding up traffic because it had broken one of its legs and was sitting down in the middle of the road. And everytime cars tried to get by it, it started trying to get up and run away, thus causing the car to almost hit it. Deers, it turns out, are more agile and move more quickly than humans, so its unpredictability was causing cars not to get by it and thus a traffic jam. So many things to think about there, whether to help the deer by blocking the cars, try to jump in front of cars to get them to stop; both are somewhat dangerous as the cars might not see a person in time, and trying to help a deer who feels hurt and cornered might get you kicked in the face. In the end, the deer limped off with 3 of its legs making up for what the 4th broken leg couldn't do, and order was restored. But then I thought of the deer, much like the Jewish man who was beaten and hurt in the parable of the Good Samaritan. How could I help? The deer had run off, and it's not like it would want me to get close to it; the only thing I coiuld think of was to call 311, the non-emergency equivalent of 911, got ahold of someone to report the incident, and then went on my way. Maybe the responsible citizen thing to do? Hopefully Animal Control or someone finds the deer and can fix its leg; it's tough to be an animal without one of your limbs and still survive in the wild for long. 

Fantasize on, 

Robert Yan 

Between Scylla and Charybdis

 One of my favorite memories of sixth grade (there weren't that many, as I was an unathletic kid who wore glasses, was overweight, and could be labeled as a "nerd") was the 2-week course in social studies with Ms. Skukanec (I guess my memory isn't that good, because I can't remember the exact spelling of her name) about Greek myths, where we went in-depth into Zeus, Hera, Poseidon, Hades, Jason and the Argonauts, the Minotaur and the labyrinth, the Minotaur, etc., etc. I was so fascinated by all the different gods the Greeks had like the god of war (Ares), the god of wisdom (Athena) and all the jealousy and in-fighting they had on Mount Olympus. I remember not being satisfied by the assigned reading but wanting to do more, so our teacher allowed extra credit, one unit on each new story/myth we completed. I devoured those because (as I comprehend now) I liked learning and thought it was fun, something not every 6th grader would agree with. Probably one of the best gifts I got, other than having a very healthy body composition: I enjoy learning (about certain things). I just never got into chemistry, physics, and other sciences unfortunatley, but I was always ready to pick up a book, learn about the characters, or learn a bit of history. 

One of the Greek myths that was not as well-known are in Homer's the Odyssey, featuring the hero Odysseus and his journey home after the Trojan War, where he had to navigate his ship to pass through a narrow passage between 2 equally horrible monsters, either the snake-like Scylla who had 6 heads biting any sailors to try to pass through on one side or the sea monster Charybdis on the other side. It is now synonymous with choosing the lesser of 2 evils, a fancier way of saying "between a rock and a hard place." I like the analogy because it's so visual, as I can almost place myself in the shoes of Odysseus (or Jason of the Argonauts who also had to go through Scylla and Charybdis) sailing to this disaster zone and seeing the dragon-like monster on one side and the swirling whirlpool containing the sea monster on teh other side and trying to assess the risks. I'm a pretty risk-averse person, so it would be pretty difficult for me, but I suppose I'd follow Odyssey's lead of going through Scylla who ate 6 of the men aboard as opposed to risking Charybdis which could have sunk the entire ship. 

Luckily I don't often have to make such difficult decisions of choosing lesser evils, as most of my decisions are like "should I have a sandwich or a taco for lunch?" or "should I do laundry today or not?" but sometimes when I'm running in a new area and I encounter a fork in the road, I find myself like Odysseus trying to choose between the sketchy road with lots of potholes and construction, or this other path that has lots of people on scooters or bicycles doing dangerous stunts, also with people walking theri dogs who might (like Scylla!) bite at me. (Or when there's rain on the ground, should I go through that dip in the sidewalk that has a big puddle in the middle and sinking my shoe in, getting my socks wet? Difficult decisions indeed. I pity Odyssesus. 

Or sometimes I'm faced with the decision after some sell-offs on Wall Street to sell some poorly performing stocks, like the Chinese stocks that have gone done substantially (50% or so!) in the last year due to government shutdown. Do I cut my losses in Alibaba stock or PDD (Pinduoduo stock?) Sign. 

Fantasize on, 

Robert Yan 

10 things I didn't know before watching Jeopardy religiously

 If you've watched enough Jeopardy over the years (let's say, more than 100 episodes), you'll a.) probably feel pretty stupid about some of the clues you have no knowledge about, or b.) feel pretty smart about the clues you DO know that you didn't even know you knew, hidden somewhere in the back of your mind in the inner vaults, just waiting to be accessed when the time was right. There are so many things watching the show religiously over the past year that wooshed over my head during my time growing up in the U.S. as an adult, whether it's a movie that everyone else watched and I declined to (the whole Star Wars series for me) or the existence of certain bands (who knew there was a group called Public Enemy with Flava Flav and Chuck D?) and various aspects of history that I didn't make connections about....like who knew that Henry VIII and Ann Boleyn (wife No. 2) gave birth to Elizabeth I, one of the most famous rules of England ever? Also certain people that I've known their face my entire life but just never put a name to the face, like Christopher Plummer, the oldest person ever nominated for an Oscar in the acting category. I didn't grow up with any pets nor in a religious family, so everything about the Bible (New Testament, Old Testament, etc.) and dog breeds is all news to me.  I've also mixed up the names of Elaine Page and Ellen Page, Jane Grey and Jane Seymour, the Princess Dairies with the Princess Bride, etc., etc. All very obvious mistakes to make for trivia nerds or even people from general society, but crucial for me to correct those slips of the tongue (I also realized I've the king of name fails, having an idea of what something's name is but when it comes out of my mouth it's wrong! I blame it on inheriting it from my dad, who called "avocados" Colorados, dark suits as "Duck suits," etc., etc. 

But if you've watched Jeopardy over and over, you'll see that certain bits of trivia come along ALL THE TIME, almost every 8th or 9th game, it'll turn up in a clue, maybe because that piece of knowledge is crucial in linking a lot of other parts of history or the world, that person has a special quark that satisfies a ton of categries (like Ben Franklin was a writer, inventor, and political figure), or that thing is just so famous. Or, for some specific clues, I just think the Jeopardy writers really like that clue so they use it over and over again in different forms. 

1.) Mutiny on the Bounty- a mutiny on an English ship the HMS Bounty by crewman Fletcher Christian against its captain William Bligh, I don't think this was one of the more important events in world history, but mutiny is such a juicy word or event, and this was one of the most famous, so much so that it was turned into a movie. 

2.) Haile Selassie- the former of Ethiopia, he is linked to the Rastafari movement (popular in Jamaica, across the Atlantic) as well as believing he was a messiah of the Bible, and he was involved in various wars in Africa including parts of World War II. Whenever someone things of a leader of Africa, his name emerges......and then maybe Idi Amin. 

3.) Yangtze River.....According to Jeopardy writers, the only geographic features worth knowing in China are the Yangtze and the Yellow (Huang He), appaently. 

4.) Leo Tolstoy: know his picture, his works, his farm animals, everything about him, as Jeopardy writers like to test extreme details of the most famous writers in literary history like Checkhov, Hawthorne, Faulkner, Dickens, etc. 

5.) Shakespeare.......I thought I knew Shakespeare after sophomore year of high school when my British Literature teacher (a man who appropriately resembled pictures of Shakespeare) guided us through Hamlet, MacBeth, King Lear, etc., but Jeopardy covers every single Shakespeare play, even the obscure ones like Titus Andronicus, Twelfth Night, A Comedy of Errors, A Winter's Tale, and even when asking about the major plays of the First Folio the answer usually isn't a major character like Lady MacBeth or Julius Caesar, but a bit character like Laertes (from Hamlet) or Regan/Gonerei (the other daughters other than Cordelia) of King Lear. 

6.) astronomy......I've learned quite a lot about astronomy, learning that Alpha Centuri is the closest star to the Milky Way. And it has a fancy name. 

7.) the sciatic nerve........ Jeopardy is an excellent way to learn about the human body even if you're not a doctor or nurse (and also a great way to learn about non-Covid diseases like pleural effusion aka water on the lungs. And they love things that are the longest or shortest or any superlative thing, so the sciatic nerve is perfect for that. 

8.) Doctor Who.....I've never delved into British shows, but apparently that's the UK's version of "Lost" or "Game of Thrones," one of the most popular shows with their Time Lords. Also "Monty Python and the Holy Grail." 

9.) Hannibal Hamlin.......was the vice-president of Abraham Lincoln. So many different obscure facts of US Presidents, including their vice presidents, who they beat in their respective elections, the First Ladies' names, and their birthplaces/ home states. Hannibal Hamlin just sticks out because it's a unique name, better than "George Clinton" or "Nelson Rockefeller" or "Aaron Burr" or Samuel Tilden. 

10.) Abel and Cain.....all kinds of Bible stories abound, but the story of Abel and Cain is rather unique, plus it is recreated in the John Steinbeck novel "East of Eden," and it was depicted in art works including one by Peter Paul Rubens, so it can come up in various scenarios, sometimes surprisingly so even if the category is like "famous artwork" or something. 

Fantasize on, 

Robert Yan 

Library Card (図書館カード, 借书卡, 도서관 카드)

 I'm not sure how many people in the United States have a library card, but if I were to venture a guess, it would be: Not enough. One of the most empowering things about going to a library is applying for a library card (no background checks, no forms, no 3-week waiting period) that took about a minute and a half to check my residence status and confirm that I was indeed the person, and suddenly with library card in hand you have access to almost every single book that particular library carries. It's not exactly the access that you get from just opening your Iphone and clicking on the "safari" button, but nowadays the internet access from library cards allows access to many E-books that would normally be blocked behind a pay wall. 

For some reason I'd been sending my time at Barnes and Noble, which has 2 for 1 sales, the latest hit titles, etc., but.....alas, not free. Lots of fancy categorizing and display techniques with notes from the staff about which books were their favorites, but now libraries have a pretty sophisticated system too (they've learned). It's not just rows upon rows of old stuffy volumes, tomes of encyclopedias and dictionaries, the libraries have done a good job of prioritizing their audience and catching eyes of would-be book renters. For example, after receiving my golden ticket, aka library card, with a bounce in my step I went to the first wing in front of me, which happened to be non-fiction/history section (my favorite now that I've liked to accumulate facts for Jeopardy), were lined books about famous people in various areas with titles like "Serving the Sevant: Remembering Kurt Cobain"  and "500 Stories about the Beatles," a title about Frieda Kahlo's exploits in Gringoland (America), and "Sting like a Bee: Muhamid Ali." All very compelling reads that if I had all the time in the world, I would for sure sit down and devour. In particular, my knowledge about popular music from 1970's - 2000's is very limited, and almost non-existent before the past year, where I've barely scraped the tip of the iceberg with knowing some of the top Beatles hits, knowing that John Forgerty was Creedence Clearwater Revival and Lou Reed was the Velvet Underground. All things the average American should have general knowledge about, but without the necessity to know them, many Americans just trudge along their day in their own little bubbles of sports or social media or whatever their interests are. (I was and still am one of them). Perhaps my fascination of exploring a new library full of books parallels with my new fascination with new facts about life in different genres like opera, musicals, the Bible, and places of the world and seeing so many different worlds open up to me as I walk from shelf to shelf in the library. And that was just the nonfiction/history wing. If I was giddy and eager walking into my first ever library (likely the Indian Prairie Library in Darien, Illinois, or maybe a school library at my first elementary school at Robert Healy School in inner city Chicago), I don't think I've lost any eagerness and feel just as excited to go to a new library now. 

Anyway, get a library card. It's empowering just to know how much you have access to, free. (When I checked out a book, the receipt even told me I was saving $16.85 when I checked out this book). And I don't doubt that the semi-new book (published in 2020, written by Claire McNear called "A Definitive History and Insider's Guide to Jeopardy") would have cost me about that much plus tax at my local bookstore. It was a steal, and based on the condition of the book I doubt anyone had cracked it before I did. In a way, I'm giving the book its purpose, as without me it might otherwise have gone unread, or so I tell myself. 

Fantasize on, 

Robert Yan 

Insights into Chipotle

One of the nice things about living at my new home is that there's a Chipotle Mexican Grill right at the bottom of our condo complex- easy access to one of the most ubiquitous fast-food joints in the United States. Even though the price has increased since last year (from $7.00 to $8.15 for the standard chicken burrito, people still line up out the door like it's the hottest New York City restaurant, and online orders come in one after another 

Some pro-tips I've picked up over the years about ordering at Chipotle: 

1) Yes the amount of food you get varies based on multiple factors, one of them being the "hand strength" of the service employee working there, which is out of your control. (Except for me I've been able to gauge who's working at my local employee and keep a scouting report of who works when. There's one employee who must be pulling double shifts or some sort of overtime work arrangement because he is ALWAYS there, either making the food or serving the food.) What you CAN control is what time you go to buy your burrito, and my recommendation is NOT during the busy hours of lunch, 12PM-1:30PM. That's when everyone gets there, and that's also when the restaurant has a hard time keeping up with demand, making enough food to keep everyone happy, so what do they do? They short the amount that they give out. So not only are you waiting in line amidst all the other people in the restaurant during Covid, you're also getting less food for the same cost. A raw deal for me. When I go in during non-peak hours, the employees are happy, they're not rushed to get food out, and psychologically I think they're more apt to give out more food. It really is a psychological study: the correlation between the mood of Chipotle servers v. the amount of food that Chipotle customers receive. It can be pretty substantial: I would gauge I sometimes get 30%-40% more food. 

2.) CMG stock: I've been pounding the drum on Chipotle since 10 years ago, when it was at like $250. Now it's $1900/share, even after a salmonella scare in 2015 that cut the stock by half. The management team recovered from that, though, and their reputation is probably as good as it's ever been. For me it's replaced McDonald's and Arby's as my fast food go-to place........unlike those others, Chipotle advertises that it uses natural foods, GMO-free, no added hormones, and environmentally-responsible ingredients." Not sure if that's true, but that label of environmentally-friendly does certainly effect customers nowadays and shape its behavior, as does its reliable taste and easy menu......they've made the same thing since they started, but customers keep coming back. That's a reliable ticket for printing cash in America, as it helps to lower costs while generating plenty of cash. It's also embraced the digital era of online orders: not my Chipotle, but many of them in the suburbs have the drive-thru pick-up window. And if the recent price hike is any indication, customers didn't even mind the extra dollar they have to pay for everything. (Which is actually pretty important, as it means if I go to Chipotle 100 times in a year, I'm paying $100 extra every year, more than those monthly add-ons that Apple charges for extra storage space, extra features, etc.) Chipotle might have become an inelastic good, where people won't just go to a Qdoba or a McDonalds if Chipotle is too pricey for them. I might swap some of my MCD stock for Chipotle stock. 

3.) Buy avocadoes in bulk at Costco, then when one is ripe, go to Chipotle, then create your own guacamole, don't get the exorbitant chips and guac or whatever that Chipotle gets. Queso is also a little exorbitant......not Chipotle's best idea. 

4.) Whenever MJ and I have moved to a new place (3 or 4 times now, so it's a fairly frequent occurrence) MJ checks to see how far the closest Trader Joe's and/or Whole Foods is.....just so she can map it out, not have it be too far out of range. To a lesser extent, we also look at the nearest art museums, walking paths, and Korean restaurants. For me, I'd suggest figuring out where the closet Chipotle is, and if I can stop by it on the way home from work or from my evening run, when I'm too tired to make any of my own food and just want to have a quick getaway in the land of Chipotle bliss. Most Chipotle's are also open late, until 10PM, so that can be a key factor to quenching late-night hunger pangs. 

5.) In Durham, NC is an arepa restaurant- venezula food that's similar to a burrito, called "Guasaca." I see Guasaca or other similar restaurants as upcoming threats for Chipotle. But as a consumer, I would give Guasaca a try. 

Fantasize on, 

Robert Yan 

Home Improvement (집 수리, 家の修繕, 家装)

 When I was a kid I used to watch a TV series every afternoon called "Home Improvement," starring Tim Allen as Tim the Toolman Taylor. The show was based on the real home improvement shows that were popular back in teh 90's, where plenty of Americans living in surburbia took care of their own landscaping, interior decorating, and other home improvement needs. It romanticized the idea of home improvement for me, but even then I wasn't exactly excited about operating a power drill, sanding down pieces of wood, or applying finish. I was not a "handy" guy, and 7th grade woodshop did nothing to remove me from that notion. 

Back in the present, I envied others for buying a home when they bragged about it at parties or invited to their housewarming parties, and subconsciously that feeling of inferiority definitely contributed to my urge of buying a home instead of renting, as MJ and I have been doing. The homewowners I met with didn't mention the amount of time and effort needed to do upkeep on the house, and the home imprveoment efforts that might have even made Tim the Toolman Taylor balk. It's all well and dandy for a new, brand new home, but a fixer-upper can add quite the cost to the bottom line of a home purchase. Ours is not a fixer-upper, but it's somewhere in between, where no major work needed to be done but small nicks like dishwasher, washing machine, and appliances were in need of repair or just outright replacement. We also replaced all the flooring (a mixture of wood floor and carpet) with vinyl carpet, which is a surprisngly costly process. 

It really does pay to be a handy person, or have some specialty or know someone to help you from getting ripped off when going to the auto shop, or getting a quote for a repair, or buying something that you're unfamiliar with. Otherwise, you're like me and go into every new experience knowing that a.) I'm almost 100% not able to do any physical repairs, and b.) I don't know the first thing about doing those physical repairs. I just have the pleasure of receiving the quote from the person who does know a lot about those repairs and knows how much to charge and how much that customers usually accept, not the actual cost of it. It's a really vulnerable position, knowing that something is wrong and the service provider also knows that someothing is wrong, the only question being how much I'm willing to pay to make the problem disappear. Sometimes though, I will admit I should try harder to explore a fix to the problem myself. I took a defeatist attitude towards our washer and dryer not working right off the bat, resigning myself to calling Sears home repair, when in fact I probably could have played detective and eventually sussed out that the issue was the screws in the back of the drying machine had come loose, and the fix was just to screw those back in. I'm no handyman, but I can handle screws and a screwdriver! 

Ultimately, owning a home isn't like living in an apartment: There's no calling the repair manager of the apartment complex and just laying the problem at their feet; the buck stops with me now, and I likely need to spend some bucks to solve that buck. A wise man said try to avoid playing away games (play games at home when you can), and I feel like I'm in totally foreign waters, without a lifeboat, just trying to survive one day at a time, one repair at a time. (Oh, and our new city also has red light cams that can catch us speeding if we go over 10MPH over the speed limit! No cops needed!) Super fun. 

Life will get better soon after we're all moved in, but for now it's been a learning process, trial and tribulation for home improvement. On the positive side, MJ and I spent 2 days painting the inside of our home's walls, and it was a fun experience, and done pretty well! Nothing like enjoying the fruits of our labor after a hard day's work painting white walls. Just ask Tom Sawyer (or actually Tom Sawyer's friends, who did all the work for him). 

Fantasize on, 

Robert Yan