Our household is divided into 2 general camps: MJ and is a deep thinker who ponders about something for a long time before making a decision: she'll routinely ponder over how to word an important email for what seems like an hour before finally sending it out, only for me to later find out it was just a thank you note that was a route "Hello thank you, hope to work with you again soon." On the other hand, I make some pretty drastic decisions rather quickly and can be considered rash, but the decision gets made quicker without agonizing over it for too long. There are advantages and disadvantages to both. It's become such a noticeable contrast in our relationship that I often tease her, "are you thinking too much again?" if there is even a hint of her staring blankly and pondering something, or being hesitant and indecisive.
To me, the worst outcome is to think long and deeply about omething, but then still make the wrong decision. This could happen just because we don't have all the information available; we don't know what the world will be like in a year, we don't know what other people are thinking, we don't know how the economy will turn out in the future; we just simply don't know the future. Sometimes we make the right decision given what we know, but bad luck makes it a bad decision. For example, my law school decision, in hindsight, might have been the wrong decision, even though I researched all the schools I applied to meticulously, drove all the way from Chicago to St. Louis to take the campus visit and even met with a law school dean (who had a wonderful memory for zip codes and knew that I lived in Dupage county based on my 60561 zip code. Of all the talents to have.....that one probably hasn't aged well in the digitial world). I made the decision based on what my 20-year-old self felt was important, not my 30-year-old self, so the decision in hindsight didn't seem the best. Ultimately, though, even if I make some bad decisions along the way, I figure if I stick to my foundational principles and general philosophy, I'll wind up generally in the right place over time, so the time I spent worried, agitated, and indecisive over the decision tends to be wasted.
Other decisions like what to eat for dinner, what to wear outside, are even less consequential to me compared to life-altering career decisions, so I tend to make those in seconds, sometimes even less than a second ( I am the opposite of Meg Ryan's character in When Harry Met Sally at a restaurant, hoping to just order the most obvious thing, eat it, and admire its tastiness). Often this works for food if I'm cooking something, because I can throw other stuff into a meal and combine them to create a 2 dishes for MJ and I, without planning on it beforehand. This is also a testament to MJ's ability to adapt to my lack of pickiness, as her standards have come down, especially when she's worried about getting the best grade she can in class and not about what she's tasting).
On the flip side, I sometimes make very important decisions very quickly, like selling a large portion of my investments, based on emotional impulse (usually it's "I want to stop losing money!") These are the times I wish MJ's thoughtfulness would kick in, and I can just delay the decision and give it some more thought. I've tried the "come back to it in 30 minutes" method, and it's pretty useful: it helps with submitting emails to not rush and miss obvious spelling errors, a second read through with "fresh eyes" spots the errors much easier, responding to a job offer or an invitation to a party: the instant response is encouraged in our society nowadays as everything is NOW! NOW! NOW!, but letting something happen and "marinating on it" for awhile usually reduces the possibility of an impulse. ESPECIALLY when I'm about to post something mean or nasty somewhere, even if they deserved it like the apartment complex not fixing the elevator or picking up the garbage even though we paid for valet trash service..... I usually come up with something better or more effective to say after a few hours or a day, or just complete it altogether, likely for the better.
Luckily, sometimes (actually more times than we realize, we just don't keep count of obvious decisions like "do I run this red light or not?") life gives us easy decisions: no-brainers. MJ recently was presented with a good quandary to have: Multiple job offers! And she already seemed to be going down a slippery slope of agonizing and thinking too much, but the hospital she interviewed with kind of made the decision for her, so she won't have much regret. I think that's what causes all the thinking and thoughtfulness, is being burned before: we don't want to get burned again. Past regret is the mother of thoughtfulness. Hopefully, we don't have to get schooled by mother too many times.
Fantasize on,
Robert Yan
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