Today I did something I don't normally go: leave for work while it's still dark outside. It's not a great feeling walking out into that lonely cold, leaving the comfort of your own home into the world without the sun even being out yet. It was indeed pretty dark still, and Chinese people call this "reach out your hand, and can't see your 5 fingers." It was that dark outside at 5:55AM today, but only in the winters are the night so long: there are times in the summer that it's already light outside. I always feel like the winters are too gloomy and the days are too short, so I'm not motivated. But the summer days are too long and everything feels stagnant; brains slow down and life gets slow. The most productive times are probably spring and autumn: spring feels like the real beginning of the year with everything coming back to life and hope "springs" eternal, whereas autumn feels like the year is ending soon and I better get things done, I slacked off too much in the summer.
Chinese people also lament sometimes that "I haven't seen the sun in a long time!" describing work schedules that are really long causing the worker to get to the office before the sun rises and leave after the sun sets. Really tough times which probably don't fit within the 8-hour standard work schedule in the U.S. and definitely wouldn't be acceptable under California's more stringent and worker-friendly labor laws. I like to think when I'm working long hours that I can be like the hard worker back in the day that lacked the strength of the sun, but I love the light and outdoors too much; even at work I have to walk outside at least once during the work day or my body misses it.
가려운 곳을 긁어 주다- Korean idiom for "scratching where it itches," or a friend or even closer friend (like a significant other!) does something without having been asked, and it satisfies my needs. MJ is good about this! She cleans when it's too messy, brings me a meal to go when she picks me up from the airport, even packed my lunches when I was going to work. (She also buys things that may or may not satisfies my needs, but at least she's thoughtful about it!) I try to be the same but something always slips my mind, whether it's cleaning up the toilet or sweeping the floor.
Fantasize on,
Robert Yan
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