Saturday, August 24, 2019

Chinese Buffet

Cream cheese- an innocent looking item, useful for eating with bagels in NYC and can actually do wonders including their "strawberry" flavor that supplements most bagel flavors well, but can be a liability at the airport when going through security. Is it a liquid or solid? I think of it as a solid because I have to spread it over cheese and make sure it stays so it's not flowing everywhere, but apparently airport security considers it a liquid like toothpaste, and stopped me from bringing it on the flight and thus preventing me from making my flight on flight. Ah, the fateful moment when your bags go through the screening device and you find out if it got through safely or not. There's often a fork in the road for bags after they've been placed under the hood, one leading to safety and the waiting arms of its owner (like a baby!) and the other leading to neglect, isolation, and the hostile arms of the local TSA security officer, who is tasked with strewing brusquely through its contents looking for the offending item at their own leisurely pace, while the bag's anxious owner paces to an forth to get the bag back.

For many years in my childhood, I was a veteran of Chinese buffets, those large buildings sticking out like a sore thumb in a the strip malls of large suburban areas, usually with a very generic name like "Grand China Buffet" or "Great Wall China." The one here in Durham is called, most simply, "China Buffet," like an invitation to any and all with no strings attached. It's $11.99 per person, all-you-can-eat, do as you like. There really is an art to eating at buffets if you want to, as my parents do, "get your money's worth" or at least get the best experience out of a Chinese buffet.

1.) take a quick tour around the buffet area before you begin selecting items onto one's plate. Sometimes there's a section hiding near the back you didn't know about, and you'll be sad if you missed it. It's ok if it's just another extra salad bar (cuz who likes salad when it's all-you-can-eat), but if it's a sushi bar or noodle bar or some other higher-quality item, you nee to know all the information!

2.) Work up an appetite beforehand. The whole needs to be planned around a buffet! Don't eat too much beforehand, and not much afterwards. Exercise is advised beforehand because the subsequent food coma won't be kind to moving around vigorously.

3.) Go during lunch, or a very early dinner. Don't want all the food you're about to eat to affect your sleep or be digested and passed through as fast while you're sleeping. Some, like MJ, can eat buffet during lunch and not eat the rest of the day.

4.) Even if you're SURE you will like an item, only grab one of each item on your first go. You don't want to overindulge on just one item, and you don't want to get stuck with an item you don't want to eat, as most buffets ask you to try to finish everything on your plate and charge if there's too much, but also you don't want to waste food in a society that already consumes too much, do you?

5.) Light items first, heavy items later. Try to get some veggies, sushi, fruit, etc. almost like an appetizer, let your body adjust to all the food being stuffed in there.

6.) Health disclaimer: most believe (validly) that Chinese buffets are bad for one's health. They definitely can be, as my parents took us to China buffets (and other types of buffets!) profusely during my youth, and I built up some bad eating habits, some unnecessary cholesterol, excess fat, and unhealthy foods that were fried, excessively oily, etc. But now that I'm an adult, I understand food groups much more and don't just get double servings of ice cream, pizza, and look more towards the bak choi, and avoid too much rice and carbs. Basically, going to Chinese buffet doesn't mean you have to give up your whole sense of the food pyramid and health! Still can portion the meals, ration yourself, and balance the idea of "eat the whole restaurant out of business.' Just do you, and do it slowly, despite the restaurant giving us our check after our 3rd trip, implying that we should leave. I made 3 more trips even after they did that, just not getting too much each time.

Happy eating at your local generically-named Chinese buffet!

Fantasize on,

Robert Yan

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