Among the many things deteriorating in our society due to modernization and shift to the Internet is the loss of ability to communicate to people. I currently live in a city of upwards of 9 million people and it's amazing to me how little I engage people in conversation and vice versa. I've gone days counting how many words and sentences I use and it can be very, very, little, almost as if the need to converse has been replaced by emojis, text messages, hand gestures, and money. It used to be I went to restaurants and could at least have a conversation about my order, but now fast-food restaurants have even replaced that with these new self-order kiosks that allow guests to click the order they need, pay there, and just pick up your food. So even that doesn't require conversations. Get into the same elevator with someone? Just ask "what floor" and the number and that's it. Everybody just goes right back to typing on their phone, listening to their headphones/earphones/Airbuds, or looking out into the sky. At work, even during lunch hour people just sit at the lunch tables looking at their phones, sitting next to each other in physical proximity but might as well be worlds apart in terms of attention span. It's not being rude or silent necessarily, sure there's a lot of interesting things on the phone, but it's also that the social norm now has become "look at our phone where it's safe, don't put yourself out there into a conversation." I think people have really lost the ability to start up a conversation, and that is really not a good trend.
Talking is a skill; being able to start a conversation with a question or joke or just an introduction, and then keeping the conversation going with natural segues and grabbing the other party's attention. It's sometimes the hardest thing to try to start up a conversation, though; so many thoughts of doubt run through one's head like "will it be awkward?" "what if they're busy and don't want to be bothered?" "am I being creepy?" "what if the conversation ends after one sentence and then it's more awkward?" Those are definitely risks, but the upside is a nice, long conversation with a real human being who isn't trying to sell you something (presumably), and we as human beings are social beings who like to talk to people. And it's a good way to break the ice so I don't have to walk by a co-worker or neighbor in the hallway all the time, make eye contact, nod, but not know anything about that person; conversations draw us closer. That's actually one of the unfortunate drawbacks of our intimate but very private apartment: we don't really see any of our neighbors and rarely run into them in the elevator or something. The era of becoming friends with neighbors and co-workers due to the physical proximity has been replaced by groups on the internet and facebook wall comments, unfortunately.
That's why I talk to MJ at least 30 minutes on the phone every day! Just to make sure we both have at least 30 minutes of conversation with someone that day. And since she is usually at home and doesn't go out and is less social than I am, it's more for her than me!
And today is lovely MJ's birthday! We talked for a full 60 minutes! And I made a cool video on the iPhone iMovie app; it's a pretty neat trick as a birthday gift since I travel away to work and MJ and I don't see each other all the time. Also could be useful in editing dodgeball videos; the "trailer" setting is actually more aesthetically pleasing and filled with surprises than the actual movie version. And this year I got a special gift as a husband who was away! I have a very important role to play as emotional support for MJ! It's another big change in being in a long-term relationship, more than even the relationship between my parents or sister or anyone in my family: I know that I'm the most important person in MJ's life and have the important job of making her feel loved; it's an important role that I take very seriously, especially on birthdays like today.
Fantasize on,
Robert Yan
No comments:
Post a Comment