This past weekend I went north of the border! But just to Toronto, which is very similar to an American city. The closest city to it is Detroit, it is south of many American cities like Seattle, a lot of its stores accept US dollars, and a lot of Yankees like myself cross over the border on weekends to visit. For me I had a special reason: The NBA Finals were taking place there and I was jazzed to be part of the experience of an NBA Finals city as well as what the Toronto Raptors call "Jurassic Park," a gathering before games (and I mean WAY before games) to party and celebrate excessively. They handed out "King of the North" paper crowns in homage to Game of Thrones, there was singing and dancing on a makeshift stage, everyone was in great spirits. I was reminded how friendly everyone in Canada is. Eh, mate?
Crossing the border into Canada, however, was not so nice. They seem to have a very strict border crossing process, and they won't do the minimally invasive procedure but a more thorough interrogation of asking where you're going, where you're staying, when you're coming back. Nothing too difficult, especially since MJ used to have to go into the "black room" upon crossing through immigration each time, but enough for me to take notice. But, as the saying goes, when in Rome, do as the Romans do. Do NOT do what my Mom did, which is laugh at the immigration officer dismissively as if her questions were in poor taste, as a result of which we had to get all our luggage out of the car in a full search, as opposed to just being waved through. Lesson learned. Also rules in Canada: apparently fries with cheese are a thing, it's called poutine. Just go with it, it can actually work out well for you. Also, turns out when buses make rest stops on the way from New York to Toronto, they drop you off at a restaurant that tries to rip you off. When in Rome, prepare for the Roman prices by stocking up on non-Roman goods (buy at a cheap store before you go) before you get run over by Roman cons. Also when going to Rome (or other non-US country), figure out how your phone works in terms of WIFI and phone service. Turns out I could play a lot of podcasts on my phone while still in airplane mode! Huzzah!
I'm usually pretty intimated when I go somewhere new: I feel like everyone's big and scary when I start a new job, or when I go to a new dodgeball tournament, or when I join a new circle of acquaintances I've just met. Who knows what they'll think of me? It's a good rule of thumb to follow, though, to just go with the flow of the new society, be accepting and try to understand the new environment. Also, I have to remind myself that everyone's not that scary once I get to know and understand them, and that they probably think I'm big and scary, too, so I have to make myself more gentle as well.
Places like Canada have their own rules, but concepts like marriage have its own rules too. I think both MJ and I went into marriage having our own ideas about marriage, and neither of us had a complete understanding (probably me less so) about what customs and rules marriage brings. Marriage is more fluid, too, because there's no set rules, the rules are what the 2 marriage partners agree for them to be or at least negotiate for them to be. I thought that she would be totally fine with incorporating my friends and family and my whole lifestyle into her way of living, and the truth is that's really hard and difficult to expect of any newlywed. Luckily, MJ has been able to adapt quickly living in Rome (aka Bobby's World) and has adapted pretty well to the rules, or at least gotten used to them. I think in a lot of relationships (especially marriages) one side has to move to Rome or at least make more changes than the other partner does, and in our case MJ had to adapt to LA, hanging out frequently with my family, driving my car, talk about the things I wanted to talk about, hang out with most of my friends, so it's more of a sacrifice for her. I hope when I have to move to MJ's world (Busan/Korean or some other land I can adjust as well to her way of living).
Fantasize on,
Robert Yan
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