This past Sunday despite being super-busy with other things in my life (known as 猫の手も借りたい, or so busy that I could even borrow the paw of a cat to help) (starting a computer science program!), have a job, getting ready for UDC (trampoline dodgeball championship in Chicago!) I volunteered with MJ at a conference at the Los Angeles Convention Center to be a translator for conference attendees. I was Mandarin, MJ was Korean. It was very different than I expected, being a translator at this event because it's not what I also envisioned a translator to be, like the N. Korean translator for Donald Trump and Kim Jong Un. I expected to only casually use my abilities and greet some customers once in a while, give them directions to certain places in Chinese, engage in some small talk about where they were from, direct them to the restroom, help them ask a question to someone more senior them me.
The reality is shocking sometimes, and I naively thought for some reason there wouldn't be a lot of Mandarin-speaking people, maybe because in my daily life cycle I deal with only a few people, and definitely not that many Mandarin speakers. Turns out there a LOT of Mandarin speakers in the world, and thousands of them gathered at the Los Angeles Convention Center on Sunday; I felt like I spoke to every single one. I probably met more people and had more conversations (albeit) brief than I do in a week or 2 weeks in my normal life. I was helping people get registered in a rather difficult registration process, which required me being a problem solver most of the time more than just a translator, as the process was not an intuitive one and people would often run into problems, and I became pretty much customer service, and multilingual customer service at that. Because of the nature of lining up waiting for the registration process, I was subjected to many people in line coming to talk to me because I wore a "I speak Mandarin" t-shirt (mandated by the company) which was like wearing a "I am a rotten banana" t-shirt in our home for fruit flies to descend upon. It was a literal verbal assault of questions specific to each person, and I had to deal with each one, and quickly because people were impatient. It reflected a cultural difference between Chinese people and Americans: Chinese people are impatient, don't wait for you to finish your conversation with other people before butting in, and feel free to tap/ touch you to get your attention at any time, like they're the most important person in the world. Many times I wanted to yell at them, "I'm not Prince Shotoku! (Prince Shotoku is a Japanese historical figure, a shrewd politician who was said to be able to listen to 10 people talk at the same time, and remember the contents of each conversation. In modern times Japanese people say they're not Prince Shotoku if too many people are trying to talk to them at once). Not necessarily blaming Chinese people because that's the culture they were brought up in, but it seems like common sense to me: wait your turn, I have to finish my conversation with the other person before I get to you, I can't finish that prior conversation if you're constantly butting in trying to get my attention about your own problem. It was very very annoying, and coupled with the fact I had to be translating conversations to relay them to English speakers, made it that much difficult and my head hurt that much more. I often was talking so much I'd forget which language I was speaking and start speaking the wrong language to the wrong type of speaker! They just gave me a blank look before I had to start over.
*Another cultural difference, maybe specific to Chinese people who attended this conference: they seemed to be pushy with no sense of asking nicely, no "lip service" or "cushioning" questions with a smile or anything to round off the edges a little.
Another thing about a translator is having to break bad news to other people, or show disagreement, or basically anything negative. That's not my forte, and probably not anyone's forte, having to give them the bad news and not have them kill the messenger. It's why doctors probably don't like telling patients about a disease, now I know how they feel. Many times the customer would be upset that the convention had sold out and they couldn't register anymore, even though they flew halfway around the world from China to come to L.A. for this specific event. I felt bad too, but the organizers of the event didn't offer any suggestions, so I had to be creative and try to pacify the angry customers. That was not easy, and I don't relish doing it again. Translators have to bear the brunt of the emotion, being at the surface level of the words and understand that some people are going to be upset. I just wish I didn't need to be customer service and relay back the customer's upset message, even though I knew it was a lost cause, I had to relay the message anyway with the responsibility of getting the customer's message across.
It wasn't easy being Prince Shotoku, and it's not being a translator. Listening to people and then talking for people was pretty exhausting, and I was really really tired by the end of the day.
Fantasize on,
Robert Yan
Tuesday, June 26, 2018
Saturday, June 23, 2018
World Cup (월드컵)
No USA? No problem! in downtown Los Angeles today as "Viva La Mexico" was out in force when Mexico took on South Korea in the second game of group play in the World Cup. I was rooting for S. Korea, but alas Mexico has a really strong team this year, having already beaten Germany. Many U.S. supporters have (somewhat controversially) backed team Mexico this World Cup, and that might not be a bad way to go so far.
There's a lot of stuff I wish could be improved about the World Cup, like the officiating, the constant faking injuries and trying to fool the referees (where's the dodgeball sportsmanship quality of taking your own outs?) and the fact one goal (or one penalty in the penalty box) can determine so much of a team's fate that they've worked so hard for, but there's a lot of stuff to love about the world cup. It's a global gathering of sports enthusiasts and a way for the world to stop and bond over something non-political and non-violent, like wars or political tensions, just athletics. So many fans around the world engage in the 4-year tradition of drinking at bars and rooting for their own country. I also love the crowd reactions of enthusiastic fans, dressed to the teeth in their nation's colors with face paint and colorful accessories, reacting more than the players and coaches to a near-miss on goal or something.
Another World-cup like event this week was the "clash" between President Trump of the US and Kim Jung Un of North Korea, a historic event in Singapore where the two leaders met. What I was more interested in, though, was the interpreter who was tasked with doing the translation between the 2 leaders, as Trump doesn't speak Korean and Kim Jung Un doesn't speak much English. A lot of power (and responsibility) in the translator's hands, especially to get the tone of the conversation right and select the right words to get across the correct meaning of what each leader wants to get across. I've mentioned before, it's not easy to get it perfect, and this translator named Yun Hyang Lee had a pretty tough job. She certainly had the qualifications for it, getting a masters in translation and interpretation and also a PhD from University of Geneva. I didn't even know there were such higher education programs! I wonder what happens for those at those programs, certainly you can become fluent and even native-level without having to go to school, but the degree carries with it more weight I think and suggests a more formal education on getting the translating right.
That'd be one of my dream careers, if the whole A.I. taking over all human jobs thing wasn't happening. Using my ability in multiple languages to work in international affairs at the highest stage. I bet there's a lot of pressure to get it right and say it quickly, especially simultaneous interpretation, but I'd thoroughly enjoy it. I could even do a conference meeting with Chinese, Japanese, and Korean! (Although, I think it's probably best that most interpreters stick with 2 languages that they know the best). It's very very hard to be fully native-level in even 2 languages and catch up with all the evolutions of the language and new words, each language is its own world. But with the translation power I'd wish to help world leaders and citizens (especially in Asian where my language studies are focused) understand each other's culture and not distrust each other so much, understand that there's good people (and bad people) in every country
Alas, as in the World Cup where the referee communicates to both teams in a game in the same language (English), there's probably not that much need for that many translators, and you have to be pretty established with credentials like Ms. Yun Hang Lee to get the very top translation gig in the world (working for President of the United States).
Fantasize on,
Robert Yan
Sunday, June 17, 2018
Your Iphone Storage is Full
Two of the most dreaded messages one could possibly receive on the Iphone: 1.) 10% battery life remaining! and 2.) Your IPhone Storage is full! Go to settings to manage storage. I don't have too many photos, download too many podcasts, or store too many songs/videos, but apparently my allotted storage plan is abnormally low, because I run out of storage all the time. When that happens, I run into the tricky dilemma of having to delete photos I may want to keep for nostalgia purposes, or delete podcasts that I really want to listen to. Mainly 21st century Millenial problems, I know, but these dilemmas do exist!
Its one thing to run out of storage on my mobile device, but lately I've been worried about running out of storage in my brain! Everyone knows that children are the best at learning new things because their brains are still "flexible," they can think about things in new ways and absorb information at a faster rate than adults, but when do adults stop growing new brain cells and slow down their learning? Is there such a thing as running out of storage in the human brain? A quick google search shows that there's no such thing as cessation of learning, but I definitely feel like my memory isn't as good as it once was.
Sometimes (ok, frequently) MJ will tell me something about something that happened to her or a certain way to do the chores and I'll forget it. I'll forget names of streets or phone numbers I once knew. I forget the login information and password for a website I haven't used in a while! I try to recall a movie I once watched and forget the title. Most frequently, I'm searching for a word to use in the English language (I like to mix up my diction a bit to not sound like a broken record) but can't find the word after racking my brain for it. Is it because I've stored about too much information in my brain that it's become hard to cram more things into it? Do I have to pay an extra $2.99 month for 15GB of extra storage space?
I think getting older does have something to do with lower memory abilities, but also the way we process information and determine what's important and what's not important. I remember as a kid I thought EVERYTHING was important, took notes on every single word a teacher said in class, paid rapt attention to everything someone ever said to me, etc. Nowadays I've developed a bit of selective hearing, where I tune in and out of conversations based on how much they matter to me. I definitely find that if I use my brain more proactively to listen to someone 100%, I tend to remember what they say more, whereas other conversations that happen while I'm multi-tasking, listening to something on IPod, or just thinking about something else tend to get forgotten later, even though I remember having that conversation, but fail to recall specific details of the conversation. A computer would have no problem storing everything regardless of importance! Another example that computers are smarter than humans.
I think it's important to know that our brains have "overcapacity" times during the day but to try to remember as much as possible and give other people our full attention, especially if they're spending the time to talk to us one-on-one! Now, what to do about that 10% battery life left problem (What if I only had 10% of my life left?) YIKES. That's definitely a harder topic to tackle.
Fantasize on,
Robert Yan
Its one thing to run out of storage on my mobile device, but lately I've been worried about running out of storage in my brain! Everyone knows that children are the best at learning new things because their brains are still "flexible," they can think about things in new ways and absorb information at a faster rate than adults, but when do adults stop growing new brain cells and slow down their learning? Is there such a thing as running out of storage in the human brain? A quick google search shows that there's no such thing as cessation of learning, but I definitely feel like my memory isn't as good as it once was.
Sometimes (ok, frequently) MJ will tell me something about something that happened to her or a certain way to do the chores and I'll forget it. I'll forget names of streets or phone numbers I once knew. I forget the login information and password for a website I haven't used in a while! I try to recall a movie I once watched and forget the title. Most frequently, I'm searching for a word to use in the English language (I like to mix up my diction a bit to not sound like a broken record) but can't find the word after racking my brain for it. Is it because I've stored about too much information in my brain that it's become hard to cram more things into it? Do I have to pay an extra $2.99 month for 15GB of extra storage space?
I think getting older does have something to do with lower memory abilities, but also the way we process information and determine what's important and what's not important. I remember as a kid I thought EVERYTHING was important, took notes on every single word a teacher said in class, paid rapt attention to everything someone ever said to me, etc. Nowadays I've developed a bit of selective hearing, where I tune in and out of conversations based on how much they matter to me. I definitely find that if I use my brain more proactively to listen to someone 100%, I tend to remember what they say more, whereas other conversations that happen while I'm multi-tasking, listening to something on IPod, or just thinking about something else tend to get forgotten later, even though I remember having that conversation, but fail to recall specific details of the conversation. A computer would have no problem storing everything regardless of importance! Another example that computers are smarter than humans.
I think it's important to know that our brains have "overcapacity" times during the day but to try to remember as much as possible and give other people our full attention, especially if they're spending the time to talk to us one-on-one! Now, what to do about that 10% battery life left problem (What if I only had 10% of my life left?) YIKES. That's definitely a harder topic to tackle.
Fantasize on,
Robert Yan
Monday, June 11, 2018
Altruism (利他主義, 애타 주의)
My idea of what altruism is has evolved over the years. As a kid, I always thought it was give to the poor, donate money to the Salvation Army, help those in need, which it is, but I've gotten a more realistic and practical idea of life as well as the idea of giving to others. It doesn't always have to be money; sometimes it's just a little hint to another person to help them out because you know they've suffered; sometimes it's stopping on the side of the road to help someone having car problems (I've never done this, btw, I know nothing about cars and probably wouldn't be able to help, hopefully I can help in other ways), or a strange one I've developed: if you're playing against a team or an opponent in a game where they real need to win to gain confidence or have some motivation larger than mine, I maybe give them the benefit once in a while, reverse-cheat (let them win). Without letting them know that you took a slight step off the gas pedal, of course.
It's not always about money, but a lot of times the best way to help is money, as much as nobility and moral support help. Recently CNN reported a special education teacher in Dumont, New Jersey named Genevieve Via Cava, died 7 years ago but left in her will that a million dollars would go towards her students at the school for children with learning disabilities. Now that's altruism. First of all, how did she save up a million dollars!? Please tell me her secrets! (the article attributes it to her saving up during her life by leading a frugal life, going to cheap stores, and saving up all her money into the account dedicated for her charity fund). MJ probably doesn't like it, but I find that practice to be very noble and admirable, cheating herself to possibly save others. Especially now that I'm an adult and have to pay bills and manage the budget and whatnot, I realize how much things cost (living is expensive!) and how easy it is to indulge and spend; Ms. Via Cava dedicated her whole life to not spending much just so she had enough money to give to her children after death, something she couldn't enjoy during her life and had no guarantee that after her death would benefit anybody. I really hope now that her attorneys didn't take a significant amount out of her estate and that the estate tax was forgiving on her basically all-charity estate .If ever there was a time to give someone tax breaks or do something pro bono, that would be it.
I used to give money to charities and then one time when I was like 19 years old I think I got ripped off by a local group of teenage girls who were going around asking for donations for a charity, but I'd never heard of the charity but just gave them $20. Later on I questioned whether that money actually went to what it said it did, and that's my worst fear a lot of times is organizations misusing their funds and instead funneling it through themselves. (The worst kind of corruption IMO because that money is supposed to be going to people in desperate need, and the people who gave money now have less money to give to others and are less likely to give now if they find out about misuse of funds).
I also used to donate my time and volunteer at a lot of activities, hoping to make a difference, and I might have, being a human face and interacting with kids in need who needed a friend as well as cleaning up forests, etc., but I find that for most organizations, it's still money that they're after, and money that makes the most difference. I think most charities want volunteers to give their time, understand the organizations' purposes, and then eventually when they "graduate," also give some money to support their cause. Unfortunately, money is what pays for the volunteer programs, the food for homeless shelters, the necessary medical supplies for relief efforts, etc. political lobbying for environmental issues, etc., even paying for some full time staff to do what they do and be able to make a living while doing it. My time is not as valuable if it isn't converted to the cash value. So I try to give some cash each year to different causes and charities that I believe in, and have slacked on doing volunteer work (although from time to time I do). But definitely not a million dollars worth of donations; that is truly altruism at it best. I guess after all the great life events I aspire to having and traveling around the world and having a family and all of that, one of my aspirations is even to have a little money left over for altruism at the end of my life.
Fantasize on,
Robert Yan
It's not always about money, but a lot of times the best way to help is money, as much as nobility and moral support help. Recently CNN reported a special education teacher in Dumont, New Jersey named Genevieve Via Cava, died 7 years ago but left in her will that a million dollars would go towards her students at the school for children with learning disabilities. Now that's altruism. First of all, how did she save up a million dollars!? Please tell me her secrets! (the article attributes it to her saving up during her life by leading a frugal life, going to cheap stores, and saving up all her money into the account dedicated for her charity fund). MJ probably doesn't like it, but I find that practice to be very noble and admirable, cheating herself to possibly save others. Especially now that I'm an adult and have to pay bills and manage the budget and whatnot, I realize how much things cost (living is expensive!) and how easy it is to indulge and spend; Ms. Via Cava dedicated her whole life to not spending much just so she had enough money to give to her children after death, something she couldn't enjoy during her life and had no guarantee that after her death would benefit anybody. I really hope now that her attorneys didn't take a significant amount out of her estate and that the estate tax was forgiving on her basically all-charity estate .If ever there was a time to give someone tax breaks or do something pro bono, that would be it.
I used to give money to charities and then one time when I was like 19 years old I think I got ripped off by a local group of teenage girls who were going around asking for donations for a charity, but I'd never heard of the charity but just gave them $20. Later on I questioned whether that money actually went to what it said it did, and that's my worst fear a lot of times is organizations misusing their funds and instead funneling it through themselves. (The worst kind of corruption IMO because that money is supposed to be going to people in desperate need, and the people who gave money now have less money to give to others and are less likely to give now if they find out about misuse of funds).
I also used to donate my time and volunteer at a lot of activities, hoping to make a difference, and I might have, being a human face and interacting with kids in need who needed a friend as well as cleaning up forests, etc., but I find that for most organizations, it's still money that they're after, and money that makes the most difference. I think most charities want volunteers to give their time, understand the organizations' purposes, and then eventually when they "graduate," also give some money to support their cause. Unfortunately, money is what pays for the volunteer programs, the food for homeless shelters, the necessary medical supplies for relief efforts, etc. political lobbying for environmental issues, etc., even paying for some full time staff to do what they do and be able to make a living while doing it. My time is not as valuable if it isn't converted to the cash value. So I try to give some cash each year to different causes and charities that I believe in, and have slacked on doing volunteer work (although from time to time I do). But definitely not a million dollars worth of donations; that is truly altruism at it best. I guess after all the great life events I aspire to having and traveling around the world and having a family and all of that, one of my aspirations is even to have a little money left over for altruism at the end of my life.
Fantasize on,
Robert Yan
一期一会 (Treat Each Encounter Like it's your last)
Sometimes in the daily slog that is life, we forget the things that make us happy in life, or we take it for granted and just keep moving on. I'm definitely guilty of doing that, but it might be wiser to adopt the Japanese philosophy of Ichigo-ichie, or to treat each encounter as if it's a once-in-a-life-time occurrence. Even the most mundane activities, like going to work every day, or going to the store, might be the last time I do that particular activity. More importantly, though, I need to treasure the good times that I have with other people, especially my wife, MJ. If something in life happens, and MJ and I no longer can be together, I will always treasure great memories that we had.
10.) Our first date going to a paint-and-sip class. Neither of us was sure it was a real date, we didn't know how we felt about each other, lots of uncertainties about each other, but what I realize from it was that MJ was a great artist (a great painting of a pie!) and I was not.
9.) Wedding pictures! We picked a great location (Walt Disney Hall in downtown LA), a great day (late August, cool breeze), great photographer (the pictures turned out really well and he instructed us on different poses that we should do), great clothing, great makeup (MJ got a makeup session to look really nice) and it was just a fun 2 hours, I felt like a celebrity or model or something with different poses and facial expressions. Even the fountains started up during our shoot to give us an even better shot!
8.) Day in Portland: similar to our trips to other cities, the whole journey of staying at a hotel, exploring a city together, going to different coffeeshops and restaurants, and being fellow explorers really hit home to me, and Portland was a great location for it with Voodoo doughnuts, food trucks, Powell's bookstore (this is where we discovered we could spend a long time in a bookstore by ourselves and really enjoy it!)
7.) Snowy day in Chicago: something about experiencing cold weather, the snow falling, watching other couples and people skating in an outside rink, bundled together and huddled watching the snow fall, is a very romantic event, as cliche and cheesy as it sounds. We took a picture of ourselves against the Bean statute, one of many we would take reflecting our images through a mirror!
6.) San Antonio Riverwalk: the Riverwalk itself was a little underwhelming and we kinda enjoyed the river tour (the whole area's kind of just commercialized now), but it was a random trip we took at the beginning of the year in 2016 (to start off what would be my best year ever, in my opinion), and finished with a dinner at Rainforest Cafe (or was it Hard Rock Cafe! It was Hard Rock!) where I asked MJ to be my girlfriend, and with tears in her eyes she agreed. It was the first time I had ever asked anyone to be my girlfriend, and definitely the first time someone had said yes.
5.) Zoo Lights: we've made a point to watch Zoo Lights early in our relationship (in L.A.) and later after we were engaged (in Chicago). MJ doesn't really like zoos, but something about walking around at night with a sky full of stars and trees full of florescent lights......makes me want to do it again in another city.
4.) Going to a U2 concert at the Rose Bowl in Pasadena: I include this because MJ's dream was always to go to a U2 concert with her loved one, and in a sense that's always been my dream too, except the U2 concert was more like a baseball world series game. We got there early and avoided paying for parking (as opposed to $40 bucks in some places! What a scam!) and sat/stood in the front row watching the Lumineers open and then U2 do their thing. I even recognized most of the songs!
3.) Every time I come home from a trip and MJ picks me up/ opens the door of the home to greet me. I am not good at this, but MJ is very good at welcoming home and being excited to see me, with a great smile and energy like she really means it. Collectively this is one of the best feelings I get in life, period, that I've never gotten from even my parents (they love me and express their love in different ways).
2.) Laughter: every time we've laughed together seems like a great time, because we can share a good joke and laugh at the same time. There's some people who don't laugh, some people who half-laugh, timidly laugh, or just laugh awkwardly. MJ laughs very earnestedly, so you can tell she actually got the joke. It starts slowly as she tries to keep her composure, but then gathers momentum, has a crescendo, and peaks when she bursts out laughing, not the "ke ke ke" Korean reserved style but the "ha ha ha" kind of laugh (there are MANY different ways of laughing and onomatopoeia in the Korean language associated with laughter!) that I really like.
1.) Our wedding day is probably the best day of my life so far. I did wake up in the morning in the same bed as my best man due to preparing for the wedding, but the day included seeing a lot of loved ones, performing a successful ceremony, playing the violin with MJ, introducing everyone as a new couple, more photo session but this time on the beach and me picking up MJ (that was tough!), and ending the night at the Intercontinental Hotel in downtown Los Angeles, a newly built, one-of-a-kind place that overlook the huge city. I can't see how a day really can top how elated and happy I felt that day, although kind of tired at the end of it. It was a day where I cherished the relationship that I had up until then, and could see our future as we literally drove off into the sunset.
There was a Japanese tv show where a man had to sell everything he owned to pay off his loans, and eventually through new technology he was offered to sell away his memories. He reluctantly agreed to do so, but it was painful (even for the viewer) to watch as each of his precious memories were taken away, as if they never happened, and eventually he was left with nothing, not even his memories. Memories might be the most important thing that we have, and I will treasure these with MJ forever, no matter what happens.
Fantasize on,
Robert Yan
10.) Our first date going to a paint-and-sip class. Neither of us was sure it was a real date, we didn't know how we felt about each other, lots of uncertainties about each other, but what I realize from it was that MJ was a great artist (a great painting of a pie!) and I was not.
9.) Wedding pictures! We picked a great location (Walt Disney Hall in downtown LA), a great day (late August, cool breeze), great photographer (the pictures turned out really well and he instructed us on different poses that we should do), great clothing, great makeup (MJ got a makeup session to look really nice) and it was just a fun 2 hours, I felt like a celebrity or model or something with different poses and facial expressions. Even the fountains started up during our shoot to give us an even better shot!
8.) Day in Portland: similar to our trips to other cities, the whole journey of staying at a hotel, exploring a city together, going to different coffeeshops and restaurants, and being fellow explorers really hit home to me, and Portland was a great location for it with Voodoo doughnuts, food trucks, Powell's bookstore (this is where we discovered we could spend a long time in a bookstore by ourselves and really enjoy it!)
7.) Snowy day in Chicago: something about experiencing cold weather, the snow falling, watching other couples and people skating in an outside rink, bundled together and huddled watching the snow fall, is a very romantic event, as cliche and cheesy as it sounds. We took a picture of ourselves against the Bean statute, one of many we would take reflecting our images through a mirror!
6.) San Antonio Riverwalk: the Riverwalk itself was a little underwhelming and we kinda enjoyed the river tour (the whole area's kind of just commercialized now), but it was a random trip we took at the beginning of the year in 2016 (to start off what would be my best year ever, in my opinion), and finished with a dinner at Rainforest Cafe (or was it Hard Rock Cafe! It was Hard Rock!) where I asked MJ to be my girlfriend, and with tears in her eyes she agreed. It was the first time I had ever asked anyone to be my girlfriend, and definitely the first time someone had said yes.
5.) Zoo Lights: we've made a point to watch Zoo Lights early in our relationship (in L.A.) and later after we were engaged (in Chicago). MJ doesn't really like zoos, but something about walking around at night with a sky full of stars and trees full of florescent lights......makes me want to do it again in another city.
4.) Going to a U2 concert at the Rose Bowl in Pasadena: I include this because MJ's dream was always to go to a U2 concert with her loved one, and in a sense that's always been my dream too, except the U2 concert was more like a baseball world series game. We got there early and avoided paying for parking (as opposed to $40 bucks in some places! What a scam!) and sat/stood in the front row watching the Lumineers open and then U2 do their thing. I even recognized most of the songs!
3.) Every time I come home from a trip and MJ picks me up/ opens the door of the home to greet me. I am not good at this, but MJ is very good at welcoming home and being excited to see me, with a great smile and energy like she really means it. Collectively this is one of the best feelings I get in life, period, that I've never gotten from even my parents (they love me and express their love in different ways).
2.) Laughter: every time we've laughed together seems like a great time, because we can share a good joke and laugh at the same time. There's some people who don't laugh, some people who half-laugh, timidly laugh, or just laugh awkwardly. MJ laughs very earnestedly, so you can tell she actually got the joke. It starts slowly as she tries to keep her composure, but then gathers momentum, has a crescendo, and peaks when she bursts out laughing, not the "ke ke ke" Korean reserved style but the "ha ha ha" kind of laugh (there are MANY different ways of laughing and onomatopoeia in the Korean language associated with laughter!) that I really like.
1.) Our wedding day is probably the best day of my life so far. I did wake up in the morning in the same bed as my best man due to preparing for the wedding, but the day included seeing a lot of loved ones, performing a successful ceremony, playing the violin with MJ, introducing everyone as a new couple, more photo session but this time on the beach and me picking up MJ (that was tough!), and ending the night at the Intercontinental Hotel in downtown Los Angeles, a newly built, one-of-a-kind place that overlook the huge city. I can't see how a day really can top how elated and happy I felt that day, although kind of tired at the end of it. It was a day where I cherished the relationship that I had up until then, and could see our future as we literally drove off into the sunset.
There was a Japanese tv show where a man had to sell everything he owned to pay off his loans, and eventually through new technology he was offered to sell away his memories. He reluctantly agreed to do so, but it was painful (even for the viewer) to watch as each of his precious memories were taken away, as if they never happened, and eventually he was left with nothing, not even his memories. Memories might be the most important thing that we have, and I will treasure these with MJ forever, no matter what happens.
Fantasize on,
Robert Yan
Sunday, June 3, 2018
Going Crazy 눈이 뒤집히다 (Eyes are Turned Upside Down)
Here in downtown L.A., I witness a lot of homeless people: on street corners, living in tents near the highway, wandering around the city with shopping carts or huge plastic bags. It's an unpleasant sight to see, even knowing that it's an unavoidable part of the human race, but what's more disturbing are those homeless with obvious mental issues, or for lack of a better word, have gone crazy. They yell indiscriminately at people passing by, have a dazed look on their face, throw fists in the air as if they're fighting someone, seem angry, and generally do not seem to know where they are. One can speculate as to what caused the mental illness, anything from severe trauma to excessive use of drugs, but it's a shame that human beings can deteriorate to that level, where they truly are not in control of their actions and cannot think rationally about what to do. I often feel pity for these homeless and mentally ill people, but then I realize sometimes I can go crazy, or "snap" too, and feel shame for doing so.
The Korean idiom 눈이 뒤집히다 literally means eyes are turned upside down, and it's an apt description of when someone has snapped, like their eyes have rolled to the back of their head, they're so angry. I don't lose control of myself in fits of anger too often, but when I do, I remember it very vividly. I remember in second grade getting upset because at recess someone had bullied me or called me a name (the details are not important), but the teacher didn't understand what was wrong and took the side of the bully, not me. I remember even back then the feeling of indignation, the blood boiling and throwing a fit out of frustration to the point where the teacher questioned why I was getting upset at her. Unfortunately, despite more understanding of myself and how I react to things and preventative measures like telling myself to take a deep breath, try not to get upset, I still lapse sometimes into deep anger and feel an uncontrollable rage. I think it's related to how each of us deals with situations, some speak out immediately upon encountering something disagreeable and thus externalize the anger and sources of stress, while some people (like me) internalize things and try to hold it in, tolerate it, but then it builds up and floods out at inopportune times. (The movie Anger Management really had a good point about this). Every time it happens, I try to pinpoint the exact time at which I lost control, what was the trigger, at any point could I have stopped myself, etc., like a replay. The short answer is, for now, at least, there are certain key topics or criticisms that I just do not handle well, sore spots if you will, that are most likely to cause to me to get very upset very quickly, faster than I can think rationally to control it. After my "eyes turn upside down" and I have a bad reaction (throw something, use a curse word, yell loudly), that anger will be released and my body almost has a physical reaction and feels better, like throwing up alcohol and catharsis of bad from the body, and I instantly regret getting so angry just seconds earlier, but by then it's too late. How can I mitigate this sudden rage and prevent it from happening again? I wish I could be like the Hulk in the Avengers, where the answer is, "I'm always angry."
Whenever I think of mental health, I think of my late uncle, my father's oldest brother. He suffered from mental health problems that my parents didn't really talk about, but I remember first hand how scary it was as a kid to watch someone who seemed to have lost his wits, randomly got upset and yelled, always needing to be settled down by someone who was sane. My dad tells me my uncle used to be normal, which is scary that at any time, someone can kind of "snap" and become mentally ill. It's worth looking into, and I'm interested in the issue of mental health (I've also donated to a charity regarding this issue) as it's something that I shudder to see the results of but also can relate to, if ever so briefly.
Fantasize on,
Robert Yan
The Korean idiom 눈이 뒤집히다 literally means eyes are turned upside down, and it's an apt description of when someone has snapped, like their eyes have rolled to the back of their head, they're so angry. I don't lose control of myself in fits of anger too often, but when I do, I remember it very vividly. I remember in second grade getting upset because at recess someone had bullied me or called me a name (the details are not important), but the teacher didn't understand what was wrong and took the side of the bully, not me. I remember even back then the feeling of indignation, the blood boiling and throwing a fit out of frustration to the point where the teacher questioned why I was getting upset at her. Unfortunately, despite more understanding of myself and how I react to things and preventative measures like telling myself to take a deep breath, try not to get upset, I still lapse sometimes into deep anger and feel an uncontrollable rage. I think it's related to how each of us deals with situations, some speak out immediately upon encountering something disagreeable and thus externalize the anger and sources of stress, while some people (like me) internalize things and try to hold it in, tolerate it, but then it builds up and floods out at inopportune times. (The movie Anger Management really had a good point about this). Every time it happens, I try to pinpoint the exact time at which I lost control, what was the trigger, at any point could I have stopped myself, etc., like a replay. The short answer is, for now, at least, there are certain key topics or criticisms that I just do not handle well, sore spots if you will, that are most likely to cause to me to get very upset very quickly, faster than I can think rationally to control it. After my "eyes turn upside down" and I have a bad reaction (throw something, use a curse word, yell loudly), that anger will be released and my body almost has a physical reaction and feels better, like throwing up alcohol and catharsis of bad from the body, and I instantly regret getting so angry just seconds earlier, but by then it's too late. How can I mitigate this sudden rage and prevent it from happening again? I wish I could be like the Hulk in the Avengers, where the answer is, "I'm always angry."
Whenever I think of mental health, I think of my late uncle, my father's oldest brother. He suffered from mental health problems that my parents didn't really talk about, but I remember first hand how scary it was as a kid to watch someone who seemed to have lost his wits, randomly got upset and yelled, always needing to be settled down by someone who was sane. My dad tells me my uncle used to be normal, which is scary that at any time, someone can kind of "snap" and become mentally ill. It's worth looking into, and I'm interested in the issue of mental health (I've also donated to a charity regarding this issue) as it's something that I shudder to see the results of but also can relate to, if ever so briefly.
Fantasize on,
Robert Yan
Friday, June 1, 2018
The Monkey King 齐天大圣 (孫悟空)
I pound this point home to everyone and anyone who will listen: The library has some good stuff, guys. Pulitzer Prize winning books, movies, newly published manga written in both Japanese and English, up-to-date subscriptions of magazines, and even new books from the bookstore that they just can't sell (it's like a foster home for lost books). If you can just block out the weird smell, restrain yourself from using the public restroom that homeless people have used as public sanitation site, random burps and noises from sleeping homeless people just trying to get on some free internet, it's a very useful place! It was during one of my excursions to the Little Tokyo branch of the Los Angeles Public Library (very close to Skid Row, high chance of driftwood coming from that area) that I encountered a book called "American Born Chinese" (ABC!) that appealed to me because its title relates to my dodgeball team, but also resonates with me because I essentially am that, an American Born Chinese. It's not dramatized much in movies and written about as much as the struggles of other races, but Chinese and other Asians have it tough also growing up in schools where they are the minority, where the other kids can clearly tell that you are different from them and can single you out, and because there are culture gaps like the lunch that you bring from home, or the kind of haircut you get, or the dedication you show towards homework. The great thing about American Born Chinese is that it's a graphic novel, so reads like a comic book, but with more depth and character development and elements of an actual novel. Reads really quick, I personally took 30 minutes to read 200 pages, one of the best thrill rides I've ever had especially because the three story lines unexpectedly converge at the end. (SPOILER ALERT!) even though the book was published in 2006.
Also, I have a sore spot for Pulitzer Prize / Newbury Award winning books in the young adult fiction genre, and can't stop reading one once I pick one up because they're short, easily understandable, and reminds me of my childhood reading books like Maniac Magee, The Giver, Huckleberry Finn, etc.
American Born Chinese is ALSO about the Monkey King (孫悟空) , a pillar of Chinese folklore and my hero growing up. Before I even know how to do math, speak English, or throw a ball I knew who the Monkey King was........he was born out of a rock, he can go to any place in the world instantly on a cloud, he can change into 72 different things, he has a legendary stick/ rod that he uses a weapon against all enemies... basically an invincible monkey with awesome powers, I'm surprised the Western world hasn't picked up on the legend and made him into an avenger or something. American Born Chinese does a great job of analyzing the Monkey King's backstory, where he was shunned by the gods for being a monkey, but the defiant Monkey King (and I remember him being VERY defiant even from childhood) made himself a god figure and called himself 齐天大圣, or the Great Sage, Equal of Heaven because of his extraordinary powers, until he defied the Allmighty god who pinned him under a mountain for an ungodly long time (500 years or something). Not sure if the Chinese writer of the story was trying to instill the fear of god or some religious meaning, but it's a great lesson on being humble and there's always someone or something higher than you, don't try to play god. The universe has a funny way of knocking people who think they're high and mighty down a peg, even the great Monkey King. I like to think my personal story kind of plays like the Monkey King, thought I was hot stuff as a high school student and above everybody, got a rude awakening while being pinned down by intellectually superior people in college and law school, and eventually understood how to be humble and gain more powers and try to put those powers to good use (Monkey King helped a buddhist monk complete his travel to the West, I've already traveled West and want to put my lawyer skills/language skills to good use!
Fantasize on,
Robert Yan
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