Hugs (抱きしめる)

According to recent research, people who give and receive hugs are happier than people who don't get hugs, there are health benefits to hugs (if you're happy, you're usually healthy), people who give/get hugs are friendlier and have more friends, etc., etc. So why don't I engage in hugging more? It's a long story, but I was not raised in a huggy family. In fact, my parents didn't really hug me at all after toddlerhood, or at least that I remember. I guess I wasn't that lovable or huggable of a kid, but it's common in some Chinese families: not hugging one's children. It's just not what my parents were raised with, and in turn they didn't pass it on to me. (Not trying to throw my parents under the bus, they tried their best and had a lot of other attributes, hugging just wasn't one of them). 

That's why I don't really give hugs and have been told I give "really awkward hugs" and that I "don't give a real, loving hug." That's probably true especially for hugging girls, but I've always had a thing of being shy around girls and having trouble talking to them, much like skin-on-skin contact ("skinship" is a big thing in Asian cultures apparently indicating you've moved on to a slightly more intimate relationship). There's also the whole boobs thing where I feel awkward about touching so much of a girl's body and get self-conscious about accidentally nicking a breast or something, that sometimes I just psyche myself out and lose the hug before I even get started. Thus awkward hugs .

Hugging is actually pretty key in sports teams and team-building exercises, uniting everyone together, making a teammate understand he is appreciated, developing chemistry just by doing an activity together that both can enjoy, etc. With UDC (Ultimate Dodgeball Championship) season in full swing, the hugging and teambuilding is REALLY important. Hugs are almost everywhere on a dodgeball court: before the game, you can high-five OR hug the opponents before an epic battle, hug after the intense battle (although, a bit grosser due to sweat having accumulated during the game), after they achieved some kind of victory like winning a championship, or when you've hit someone in the face or hurt someone somehow that requires an apologetic hug. I hope to get the best kind of hug, the "you won a championship!" hug sometime in the near future. 

MJ and I hug a lot now and she helped me learned something: It's a great way to diffuse a tense situation, settle an argument, express my love, get her to smile, to stop crying, or just try to make her feel better after a long day. Hugs are like the drugs I never needed: able to improve one's health from the outside. The physical act of hugging isn't actually what makes one feel better, it's the internal message it sends about caring and companionship and that we're not alone in this world. 

Give more hugs! 

Fantasize on, 

Robert Yan