Top lessons learned from dating online:
1.) There are a lot of people in this world. You think you might have pretty narrow specifications, like "Asian female under 30 years ago who's willing to have kids, doesn't smoke, likes to exercise, is over 5'3'', etc., etc. but a LOT of people actually match that criteria.
2.) No. 1 is both good and bad: there are a lot of options so that there's a lot of people to choose from, but the bad news is.....there a lot of options. Too many options, even. Hard to know what one wants, hard to differentiate, hard to compare apples and oranges.
Recently I've been on a website called 2 RedBeans, a website geared specifically towards Chinese singles who live in the United States (some call it the "J Date" for Chinese people), and I've found that even such a specialized source has TONS of women, so that a more limited and special search is needed (it's like LexisNexis search parameters).
3.) Some people, really, genuinely, don't want kids. I guess I've been very naive, but I also thought when I was a child and even through early adulthood that having kids was the natural thing for people to do once they got married, cuz I guest most married people I know go on and have kids. Not so. There are girls who definitively don't want kids, and won't change their mind, so that sort of makes a decision not to pursue a relationship faster.
4.) Talking online is almost pointless now; much more fruitful to meet in person as soon as possible, if only to stop the games of texting, waiting a while to respond, not responding as soon as possible so as not to look too desperate, etc., etc.
5.) Go over dating profiles before a first date like it's your own resume before your interview, or you're interviewing someone.
6.) There are leagues. I might have an inferiority complex, but one I open up a dating website portal, I can tell which people will have a million messages sent to them, and which ones might not have that many. It's obvious, we're all adults, it's like bidding on Ebay and the $100 antique item comes up. There will be a lot of people who want it, and the dollars you have match how impressive you are in your own online profile. (I don't have that much money online). It's a numbers game, and people "settle," which is OK because luckily humans aren't like houses or antique items: they're changeable creatures that have functions other than aesthesism, and people can surprise with the number of things they have in common.
7.) Don't be afraid to go too far on a date. I'm still young and have a little money stored up, so I've been to other cities in the United States to go on a date, but also went to the baseball stadium there and saw the attractions and made a trip out of it.
8.) Shorter is better. Messages should be quick and not a book. I unfortunately learned this the hard way, as I used to publish entire novels when responding to a girl and spooked people out. There are some rules in online dating, and "not seeming too desperate, too rambling, too psychotic" is definitely one of them, and going short is one of the methods of doing that.
9.) After meeting someone for a first date and then a second date, you can go back to the online website you met them at and see if they've been "active" the last few days. If they are, it doesn't mean the end of the world, but it just means they've still got their options open. Don't take it personally, and my rule is that if we haven't gone on a 3rd date, you can still be talking to other girls online and possibly going on dates. ( Some people might have a more stricter or looser standard.)
10.) Check out Aziz Ansari's book "Modern Romance." Lots of good laughs and lots of things I related to as the target audience of that book: definitely for people who are still dating, maybe even for people who have moved to marriage to look back and reflect on their journey and laugh at the people who are still struggling through the abyss.
Fantasize on,
Robert Yan
Wednesday, September 30, 2015
Monday, September 28, 2015
Soshite Chichi ni Naru (And Then He Became a Father)
The title above is of a 2013 Japanese movie (named in English as "Like Father, Like son" even though there that is not a direct translation, about a family whose 6-year-old son is actually someone else's child and that other family has their child, the result of a mistake at the hospital during birth. So the question becomes: 1.) do they keep the children they have? or 2.) Do they swap back the kids? 3.) does one family keep both children (unlikely, right?) A really interesting premise to a very well-told story about fatherhood and accepting the roles of a father. The lesson being that one has to embrace being a father, that to a child, there is nothing more important than their father acting as their father, and that being a father means more than just the title, it's the responsibility of love and being their for one's child.
That movie summed up the weekend for me as one in which I definitively decided I want to have kids one day. I've always thought it'd be natural that I would eventually have kids, but nether really considered the costs and responsibilities of eventually having kids. It's not just the rosy father-son relationship depicted in movies and magazines of throwing baseballs back and forth or of going on a fishing trip together, there's a huge commitment involved, both in time and money and emotional attachment (the last one might be the toughest for me). I've spent a lot of time as a adult (18 years and older) spent with other people's kids, which is what motivated me to want to have kids of my own one day and gives me the confidence of being a good father, but it's easy to just have fun with kids and pass them off to the next parent, or accept their good days and look past the bad, as well as adopt the role of a fun-loving avuncular-uncle camp counselor. It's totally another thing to live with them and have to live with the good and bad, to discipline them lest they become too spoiled, and to accept that sometimes children do not turn out the way parents want them to. That would be my biggest fear: getting over my head and having a child totally not turn out, and getting buyer's remorse. I think being a father, though, comes with that: the risk of having a child not be who you want them to be, but loving them unconditionally anyway.
Not to get all philosophical, of course, but the weekend reminded me of the best that children can turn out: My relatives came from China with my 4-year old niece, who's just adorable and just beginning to learn words and discovering the world. Probably the best time in any person's life, the pureness of childhood and having one's whole life in front of them. I also went to Disneyland with my co-workers and their kids (12, 10, and 8 years old respectively) and just reminded myself of why I so loved being a camp counselor. These kids (and I'm not trying to brown-nose or gomasuri my co-workers) were very adorable and fawned over by adults. Not yet in their teen rebellious years, they listened to adults but also had their own way of looking over the world, as well as youthful exuberance and full of energy and possibilities. That's the gift I think that every parent wants to give to their children: the gift of life, the ability to experience things, to live. That's what I want to do for my future kids, and am currently searching for suitable matches! Recruiting for women who want to share that dream with me! (Kanojo 募集中!)
Finally, I met a girl I have been dating and had a very deep conversation about kids. We both apparently share the love of dealing with kids, so it's a good step towards moving forward. I don't have that clear of an idea of what I like in girls or what percentage of the total equation that "having and liking kids" would carry in the equation of if I like a girl or not, but having kids is gradually moving up there, because I do want to have kid(s), and truly look forward to being a father, despite all the challenges attached to them.
Fantasize on,
Robert Yan
That movie summed up the weekend for me as one in which I definitively decided I want to have kids one day. I've always thought it'd be natural that I would eventually have kids, but nether really considered the costs and responsibilities of eventually having kids. It's not just the rosy father-son relationship depicted in movies and magazines of throwing baseballs back and forth or of going on a fishing trip together, there's a huge commitment involved, both in time and money and emotional attachment (the last one might be the toughest for me). I've spent a lot of time as a adult (18 years and older) spent with other people's kids, which is what motivated me to want to have kids of my own one day and gives me the confidence of being a good father, but it's easy to just have fun with kids and pass them off to the next parent, or accept their good days and look past the bad, as well as adopt the role of a fun-loving avuncular-uncle camp counselor. It's totally another thing to live with them and have to live with the good and bad, to discipline them lest they become too spoiled, and to accept that sometimes children do not turn out the way parents want them to. That would be my biggest fear: getting over my head and having a child totally not turn out, and getting buyer's remorse. I think being a father, though, comes with that: the risk of having a child not be who you want them to be, but loving them unconditionally anyway.
Not to get all philosophical, of course, but the weekend reminded me of the best that children can turn out: My relatives came from China with my 4-year old niece, who's just adorable and just beginning to learn words and discovering the world. Probably the best time in any person's life, the pureness of childhood and having one's whole life in front of them. I also went to Disneyland with my co-workers and their kids (12, 10, and 8 years old respectively) and just reminded myself of why I so loved being a camp counselor. These kids (and I'm not trying to brown-nose or gomasuri my co-workers) were very adorable and fawned over by adults. Not yet in their teen rebellious years, they listened to adults but also had their own way of looking over the world, as well as youthful exuberance and full of energy and possibilities. That's the gift I think that every parent wants to give to their children: the gift of life, the ability to experience things, to live. That's what I want to do for my future kids, and am currently searching for suitable matches! Recruiting for women who want to share that dream with me! (Kanojo 募集中!)
Finally, I met a girl I have been dating and had a very deep conversation about kids. We both apparently share the love of dealing with kids, so it's a good step towards moving forward. I don't have that clear of an idea of what I like in girls or what percentage of the total equation that "having and liking kids" would carry in the equation of if I like a girl or not, but having kids is gradually moving up there, because I do want to have kid(s), and truly look forward to being a father, despite all the challenges attached to them.
Fantasize on,
Robert Yan
Monday, September 21, 2015
Whirlwind Weekend in the Windy City
Here's a Top 5 of Don'ts for a High School Reunion:
1.) Don't have the Reunion in the big city connected to your suburban city but 30 miles away from the high school so that people who stayed local are disincentivized from making it.
2.) Don't have the Reunion cost $50 per person (even though there was free drinks and free food) thus disincentivizing people from making it.
3.) Dont' expect too much out a high school reunion in this day and end. I gotta imagine with facebook and social media and all kinds of internet resources, it's much easier than it was even 20 years ago to reconnect with people that you actually want to talk to. For example, 25 people showed up to my high school reunion (out of a 400 person class, so like 6% of the class) and I really talked to like 6 different people. I had a much more enjoyable time reconnecting with college and high school friends that I've been in contact with this whole time.
4.) Don't expect that much change. 10 years after high school, people or still.....kind of like they were in high school. The social groups stuck together, people ignored me like the plague cuz I was sort of a nerd in high school (still am, but feel like I can really hold a conversation and be fun to talk to, o well chance missed for them), and everyone wanted to hang out with the cool people/ prom queens from high school. I get it, as adults we choose our company and expect other adults to understand the implicit "I don't really have time for you guys, no offense but we won't talk at all after this so why even bother" kind of vibe, but it still seemed somewhat disappointing that even as adults there are social hierarchies, isolation, talk-to-cool-people vibe. I'd thought as adults we were past that, but maybe it's just an uncool guy like me, desperate for acceptance, getting those feelings. Maybe all the people who've figured it out just realized the high school reunion is something to skip entirely. O well.
I had a great time this weekend visiting Soldier Field (even though the Bears got routed), running down Clark Avenue after reunion through the Saturday night Chicago nightlife, driving down lake shore on an awesome 70 degree day in Chicago, yachts peppering the Lake Michigan skyline. Every time I come back to the city that I grew up in (about twice a year for various activities like weddings, friend reunions, high school reunions, etc.) I wonder what it would have been like to like in Chicago as an adult ( I grew up in the suburbs so never really even enjoyed downtown Chicago other than school field trips). Especially in the summer, it feels like every mile of the Lake Shore can be explored, the only thing longer than the days is the expansive architecture down the Chicago River, and the people are nicer! And I can organize a poker game with my high school buddies any weekend I want, and recreate our last year of high school as if they're still going on, like we're 18 again and we all had bright futures ahead of us, had all the potential in the world (something I felt nostalgic about at our reunion poker game this weekend. At this point it's not about the poker and winning or trying to beat other guys at the game, the real winning is to get everybody at the table and at the game. Winning is the time we spend together and can reminisce about. It's much better than any $50 cover, not-even-in-the-city-of-our-high school reunion can offer.
But then I remember the proverb both Japanese and English include in their repertoire:
隣の芝は青い" (Tonari no Shiba wa Aoi), or "The grass is greener on the other side." It always is, isn't it? No matter what you have (my health, a great family, a decent job, living in one of the best cities in the world), you always wonder if something else is better, you look at other options. For me my 3 years in college at University of Illinois after high school and the last 7 years in Los Angeles through law school and my years in the legal profession can never be replaced, and knowing what I know now I have some regrets, but not the overall decision to choose this path. I never would have known what I would have missed had I not chosen this path, and there might have a completely different, awesome life for me back in Chicago, but this one's not so bad and I'm glad I'm in it.
Plus, I might never have discovered dodgeball had I been in Chicago. L.A. is the hotbed of dodgeball, has some of the best players in dodgeball, and is close to Las Vegas, the unofficial site for all national dodgeball (and recently, world dodgeball) events. I have easy access to some of the biggest dodgeball events in the world, and I can even participate and play in some of them.
I love Chicago, but it'll always be just the second city in my heart; L.A., I think I'm in love with you!
Fantasize on,
Robert Yan
1.) Don't have the Reunion in the big city connected to your suburban city but 30 miles away from the high school so that people who stayed local are disincentivized from making it.
2.) Don't have the Reunion cost $50 per person (even though there was free drinks and free food) thus disincentivizing people from making it.
3.) Dont' expect too much out a high school reunion in this day and end. I gotta imagine with facebook and social media and all kinds of internet resources, it's much easier than it was even 20 years ago to reconnect with people that you actually want to talk to. For example, 25 people showed up to my high school reunion (out of a 400 person class, so like 6% of the class) and I really talked to like 6 different people. I had a much more enjoyable time reconnecting with college and high school friends that I've been in contact with this whole time.
4.) Don't expect that much change. 10 years after high school, people or still.....kind of like they were in high school. The social groups stuck together, people ignored me like the plague cuz I was sort of a nerd in high school (still am, but feel like I can really hold a conversation and be fun to talk to, o well chance missed for them), and everyone wanted to hang out with the cool people/ prom queens from high school. I get it, as adults we choose our company and expect other adults to understand the implicit "I don't really have time for you guys, no offense but we won't talk at all after this so why even bother" kind of vibe, but it still seemed somewhat disappointing that even as adults there are social hierarchies, isolation, talk-to-cool-people vibe. I'd thought as adults we were past that, but maybe it's just an uncool guy like me, desperate for acceptance, getting those feelings. Maybe all the people who've figured it out just realized the high school reunion is something to skip entirely. O well.
I had a great time this weekend visiting Soldier Field (even though the Bears got routed), running down Clark Avenue after reunion through the Saturday night Chicago nightlife, driving down lake shore on an awesome 70 degree day in Chicago, yachts peppering the Lake Michigan skyline. Every time I come back to the city that I grew up in (about twice a year for various activities like weddings, friend reunions, high school reunions, etc.) I wonder what it would have been like to like in Chicago as an adult ( I grew up in the suburbs so never really even enjoyed downtown Chicago other than school field trips). Especially in the summer, it feels like every mile of the Lake Shore can be explored, the only thing longer than the days is the expansive architecture down the Chicago River, and the people are nicer! And I can organize a poker game with my high school buddies any weekend I want, and recreate our last year of high school as if they're still going on, like we're 18 again and we all had bright futures ahead of us, had all the potential in the world (something I felt nostalgic about at our reunion poker game this weekend. At this point it's not about the poker and winning or trying to beat other guys at the game, the real winning is to get everybody at the table and at the game. Winning is the time we spend together and can reminisce about. It's much better than any $50 cover, not-even-in-the-city-of-our-high school reunion can offer.
But then I remember the proverb both Japanese and English include in their repertoire:
隣の芝は青い" (Tonari no Shiba wa Aoi), or "The grass is greener on the other side." It always is, isn't it? No matter what you have (my health, a great family, a decent job, living in one of the best cities in the world), you always wonder if something else is better, you look at other options. For me my 3 years in college at University of Illinois after high school and the last 7 years in Los Angeles through law school and my years in the legal profession can never be replaced, and knowing what I know now I have some regrets, but not the overall decision to choose this path. I never would have known what I would have missed had I not chosen this path, and there might have a completely different, awesome life for me back in Chicago, but this one's not so bad and I'm glad I'm in it.
Plus, I might never have discovered dodgeball had I been in Chicago. L.A. is the hotbed of dodgeball, has some of the best players in dodgeball, and is close to Las Vegas, the unofficial site for all national dodgeball (and recently, world dodgeball) events. I have easy access to some of the biggest dodgeball events in the world, and I can even participate and play in some of them.
I love Chicago, but it'll always be just the second city in my heart; L.A., I think I'm in love with you!
Fantasize on,
Robert Yan
Wednesday, September 16, 2015
Mizu ni Nagasu (水に流す) - Water Under the Bridge
Yes, Japanese proverb-themed blog costs continue! "Mizu ni nagasu" literally means "let water flow," but it means the same as "water under the bridge" in English, which if you haven't encountered an idiom-master or idiommaster-wannabe like myself means "forgive and forget." It's a pretty powerful phrase, as often I get really upset about something and feel contempt or jealousy or all kinds of negative feelings towards a person, but after time passes and I look back upon it with some perspective, it feels trivial in the whole realm of things. I'm not one to hold a grudge, and I usually realize that life only moves forward, and the best way to live life is to forget what happened before (within reason, of course, and remembering to learn from one's mistakes) and move forward. I'm also a very sensitive person, so I need to not dwell too much on perceived slights or injustices that occurred in the past and focus on more important things like if someone meant well, or if generally they've been fair.
Top Five things to Mizu ni nagasu (not quibble about) :
1.) Who paid for a meal- it usually cancels out anyway and if you value that person as a friend, even just paying extra once in a while could be a sign of being a good friend.
2.) calls in dodgeball/ other sports- infuriating during a game (whether watching your favorite sports team or playing your favorite team) if a call doesn't go one's way or someone gained an unfair advantage somehow, but honestly in most sports there's enough gameplay to negate the minor discrepancies, even though small calls might get magnified in the moment. I've been super angry about things that occur in dodgeball games, only to have those things seem trivial and irrelevant a week later and me feel embarrassed that I even complained about it.
3.) slip of the tongues- I always try to watch what I say, but it's exhausting being careful not to step on other people's toes 24/7, being politically correct, not offending everybody. It's a lot of work and sometimes even the most careful prevention can't stop getting upset at some momentarily, or mispronouncing someone's name, or calling someone a name, or sarcastically bringing up something that's been nagging. Try to let those go.
4.) Bragging- I don't like when people brag about their fantasy teams, about themselves, and especially if they brag that they're better than me, but I do it myself quite often and it's a way to give oneself some identity, to feel good about onself and it's only human nature to boast about oneself once in awhile (especially in interview settings where we're trained to do just that). And hey, sometimes people ARE actually better than i am.
5.) Social Media- facebook or twitter. People are different on the internet and take on different personalities (except me, I'm totally myself on this blog). Unless they're attacking you in front of others and purposely defaming you (there's something called lawyers to take care of that), it's best to take "trolling" or snarky facebook posts with a grain of salt, at all times.
There are so many things in this world to get upset or angry about. Poverty, world wars, the environment, death, the Iran nuclear deal, apathy, homophobia, lack of natural resources, those are things to get upset about. Don't let little quibbles take up too much of your attention. Mizu ni nagasou yo!
Regards,
Robert Yan
Top Five things to Mizu ni nagasu (not quibble about) :
1.) Who paid for a meal- it usually cancels out anyway and if you value that person as a friend, even just paying extra once in a while could be a sign of being a good friend.
2.) calls in dodgeball/ other sports- infuriating during a game (whether watching your favorite sports team or playing your favorite team) if a call doesn't go one's way or someone gained an unfair advantage somehow, but honestly in most sports there's enough gameplay to negate the minor discrepancies, even though small calls might get magnified in the moment. I've been super angry about things that occur in dodgeball games, only to have those things seem trivial and irrelevant a week later and me feel embarrassed that I even complained about it.
3.) slip of the tongues- I always try to watch what I say, but it's exhausting being careful not to step on other people's toes 24/7, being politically correct, not offending everybody. It's a lot of work and sometimes even the most careful prevention can't stop getting upset at some momentarily, or mispronouncing someone's name, or calling someone a name, or sarcastically bringing up something that's been nagging. Try to let those go.
4.) Bragging- I don't like when people brag about their fantasy teams, about themselves, and especially if they brag that they're better than me, but I do it myself quite often and it's a way to give oneself some identity, to feel good about onself and it's only human nature to boast about oneself once in awhile (especially in interview settings where we're trained to do just that). And hey, sometimes people ARE actually better than i am.
5.) Social Media- facebook or twitter. People are different on the internet and take on different personalities (except me, I'm totally myself on this blog). Unless they're attacking you in front of others and purposely defaming you (there's something called lawyers to take care of that), it's best to take "trolling" or snarky facebook posts with a grain of salt, at all times.
There are so many things in this world to get upset or angry about. Poverty, world wars, the environment, death, the Iran nuclear deal, apathy, homophobia, lack of natural resources, those are things to get upset about. Don't let little quibbles take up too much of your attention. Mizu ni nagasou yo!
Regards,
Robert Yan
Sunday, September 13, 2015
高嶺の花 (Flower on a High Peak)
A Japanese proverb, Takane no hana (高嶺の花) literally means "flower on a high peak" and is used to describe an unattainable goal, prize beyond one's reach.
Recently dodgeball wins have seemed just out of reach for me, and it's become frustrating, to the point where I wonder whether I'm cursed. I feel myself getting better at dodgeball and individual results/ individual performance is encouraging, but at some point I feel I have to convert that into quantifiable results to make it seem worthwhile. Ever since a huge win in August 2013, I've suffered severe droughts in dodgeball championships. I've gotten 2nd place a bunch of times, but winning has just been out of reach. I'm a very competitive person, so not reaching the peak and having that Takane no hana is one of the worst feelings. On the bright side, I reassure myself that by not winning I've given myself more motivation to get better, to always be hungry and avoid getting complacent, but all the heartbreak of losing is taking a toll. It makes me wonder how top athletes who never won championships feel.....do they just move on to different, individual goals, rest on their individual laurels, or do they regret certain plays or certain seasons forever as the ones that got away? I'm not sure,as to how my dodgeball career will play out, but I'm constantly afraid I've reached a peak in my development, that I can't get any better, and that the ultimate goal of being one of the best dodgeball players in the country/ have one of the best teams in the country/ beat the top teams in the country might just be a takane no hana. It's terrifying: eventually I'll have to get married, have kids, have less time, and my body will not be at its peak condition like it is now, and knowing me I'll dwell on these past years as the times I needed to get the most out of it. For now, though, I have at least one more year to become the best player I can be. I sometimes wonder if I should sacrifice king's blood to the dodgeball gods like Stannis did in Game of Thrones, I sometimes FEEL like Stannis wanting to take something that he so badly wants, and thinks is his by right and destroy all those who oppose him ( I know at least part of my motivation is to prove the doubters who saw me as a chubby, unathletic oriental kid in high school, etc.) wrong and become great at a game. But am I just waiting for championship glory that will never come? The next few years will tell the tale.
Takane no hana, actually, is used more commonly in Japanese as a way to describe an unattainable romantic partner, someone who others desire but can't get to like them. I've suffered this so many times, and after so many tries I've realized that's just the way the world works, that unfortunately in this world there are such things as "leagues" and some people are just desired more than others (based on universally held standards of youth, attractiveness, and desirability).Some people were just born to be liked by many; others were not. I just wish that some of those flowers on the top of the mountain would be more sympathetic towards those of us at the bottom trying to grasp at whatever footholds we can muster, but unless as is the case most of the time when I think out my dating life/ life in general, I have to conclude that "life is not fair." It's time to get rid of the notion that movies and the general media instill in us that once in a while a plain-looking guy "gets lucky" and somehow gets the attention of the really attractive girl and they live happily ever after.....that attractive girl is usually looking for an equally or more attractive guy to be their prince in shining armor or even their own takane no hana.
Fantasize on,
Robert Yan
High School Reunion (高校の同窓会)
Next weekend I am going to my high school reunion in Chicago, IL ( I actually didn't live in the city of Chicago, just a small town in the southwest suburbs called Darien ("A nice place to live," as the welcome sign reminded us). I graduated high school more than 10 years ago (it was May of 2005), but for some reason reunions tend to be around this time, September. Kind of strange, as that's more of the 10-year anniversary for the beginning of college, a completely different time than high school. But I guess that's another battle.
Opinions differ on the advisability of going to a high school reunion. Many argue against it, saying it's pointless, those are people you never hung out with, no one was an adult back then so you didn't even know the real them, why go back to a place you dreaded, etc., etc. For someone like me who dwells on the past as much as I do and reflect back, though, it's a necessary trip (even though it's not even held anywhere near the school grounds) just to reconnect with some people with my past, as collectively the high school is a big part of my history, what defines me as a person today. And yes, I do want to see who got married/ who got fat/ who turned into what kind of adult, etc. And I think the best excuse for going back to high school reunion: reconnect with my home town, reconnect with old buddies who I still keep in contact with nowadays. It's a great chance/ excuse to do that.
In many ways, though, high school is not that much different than the real world we live in today; it's a microcosm. The buildings changed, the people changed, and the social norms change (people become adults), but there's still sort of the same rules: people judge each other at first glance by appearance, people want to get to know attractive people, attractive people are labeled "cool" because people want to be like them, attractive people are invited to more events/ generally have more choices among friends/ romantic partners. It's a huge cycle. Not-very-attractive-looking people like me are left to figure out how to survive in the world I live in, and it doesn't change after high school (cue song "High School Never Ends" by Bowling for Soup). It's not like the cards get shuffled in terms of what's desirable after high school, people are still drawn to the most attractive people, who were "cool" in high school. I'm sure I'll notice it at my high school reunion, because it happens in society everywhere. I do it; it's human nature; judge first by appearances, then seek to understand people. No matter how many "personality seminars" we attend or "don't judge a book by its cover" cliches we hear, it's still human nature to be drawn by the most attractive people and want to get to know them. We are, after all, still living in high school. So going to a high school reunion is not that weird.
Fantasize on,
Robert Yan
Opinions differ on the advisability of going to a high school reunion. Many argue against it, saying it's pointless, those are people you never hung out with, no one was an adult back then so you didn't even know the real them, why go back to a place you dreaded, etc., etc. For someone like me who dwells on the past as much as I do and reflect back, though, it's a necessary trip (even though it's not even held anywhere near the school grounds) just to reconnect with some people with my past, as collectively the high school is a big part of my history, what defines me as a person today. And yes, I do want to see who got married/ who got fat/ who turned into what kind of adult, etc. And I think the best excuse for going back to high school reunion: reconnect with my home town, reconnect with old buddies who I still keep in contact with nowadays. It's a great chance/ excuse to do that.
In many ways, though, high school is not that much different than the real world we live in today; it's a microcosm. The buildings changed, the people changed, and the social norms change (people become adults), but there's still sort of the same rules: people judge each other at first glance by appearance, people want to get to know attractive people, attractive people are labeled "cool" because people want to be like them, attractive people are invited to more events/ generally have more choices among friends/ romantic partners. It's a huge cycle. Not-very-attractive-looking people like me are left to figure out how to survive in the world I live in, and it doesn't change after high school (cue song "High School Never Ends" by Bowling for Soup). It's not like the cards get shuffled in terms of what's desirable after high school, people are still drawn to the most attractive people, who were "cool" in high school. I'm sure I'll notice it at my high school reunion, because it happens in society everywhere. I do it; it's human nature; judge first by appearances, then seek to understand people. No matter how many "personality seminars" we attend or "don't judge a book by its cover" cliches we hear, it's still human nature to be drawn by the most attractive people and want to get to know them. We are, after all, still living in high school. So going to a high school reunion is not that weird.
Fantasize on,
Robert Yan
Tuesday, September 8, 2015
Elite Dodgeball National Championship
I've always been a competitive guy. I've liked to participate in tournaments, matches, and other competitive situations as it allows me to stop living vicariously through famous athletes in pro sports but actually be competitive myself, feel the thrill of advancing through a tournament and beating other teams as well as the heartbreak of losing, plus sometimes the motivation to get better and challenge the best.
That's why this weekend at the Elite National Dodgeball Championship was a great experience in my life. One of the problems with dodgeball and why the sport hasn't taken off in the national or world spotlight (never been an Olympic sport) is not because it's not just as fun as other sports and interesting to watch or strategic (ton of strategy involved), it's because it's not unified yet. There's a lot of different organizations for dodgeball running different programs, using different modified rules for their leagues, different balls, different courts, etc. It just isn't organized yet, and thus doesn't get funding, thus doesn't attract the best athletes, doesn't attract TV sponsorship, viewers, etc., the whole business end of things.
The Elite Championship, though, gathered some of arguably the best dodgeball players at least in the USA into one place (Las Vegas) on Labor Day Weekend to settle who's the best in the nation. More than 30 teams in the country competed, in several different divisions, and I had a great time participating in 2 of the divisions. In my opinion Elite is not perfect, it uses a different kind of ball that I'm used to (the hard rubber 8.5 ball that stings when it hits someone), but it's a great step in the right direction towards potentially uniting dodgeball players around the country.
For me, it also presents the best dodgeball team in America, and shows me the top of the hierarchy of the sport. Unlike basketball or football or tennis, I will probably never be able to step onto the court professionally with any of the top athletes in any of those sports in any type of serious match (maybe for like charity or something). However, in dodgeball, I know on Friday/Saturday I stepped on the court with some of the best in the world at the sport, and even though my team didn't win, I knew what it felt like to play against them, how far off I am (or if there's any possibility of reaching that top). For a competitor, it's a great feeling to shine some light on this, gain some insight into one's place in the world, feel like one is relevant and is part of something. I think that's what competitors seek more than anything else in the world: a chance to become the best at something, to defeat others (in combat, win-loss, zero-sum sports) and get what everybody wants: the championship. I don't feel much more alive than I do in a big match where a lot of people are watching, knowing I've prepared myself for the competitive moment and have earned a chance to perform on the big stage and show everyone my abilities. It's probably why I've never needed any drugs or roller coasters: the thrill of competiton is enough for me, and I'm addicted to it. I want to be one of the best dodgeballers in the world. Whether that's trampoline dodgeball, 8.5 dodgeball, mud dodgeball, cage dodgeball, etc., etc. (I've played in many different formats), I'd like a chance to do that.
Fantasize on,
Robert Yan
That's why this weekend at the Elite National Dodgeball Championship was a great experience in my life. One of the problems with dodgeball and why the sport hasn't taken off in the national or world spotlight (never been an Olympic sport) is not because it's not just as fun as other sports and interesting to watch or strategic (ton of strategy involved), it's because it's not unified yet. There's a lot of different organizations for dodgeball running different programs, using different modified rules for their leagues, different balls, different courts, etc. It just isn't organized yet, and thus doesn't get funding, thus doesn't attract the best athletes, doesn't attract TV sponsorship, viewers, etc., the whole business end of things.
The Elite Championship, though, gathered some of arguably the best dodgeball players at least in the USA into one place (Las Vegas) on Labor Day Weekend to settle who's the best in the nation. More than 30 teams in the country competed, in several different divisions, and I had a great time participating in 2 of the divisions. In my opinion Elite is not perfect, it uses a different kind of ball that I'm used to (the hard rubber 8.5 ball that stings when it hits someone), but it's a great step in the right direction towards potentially uniting dodgeball players around the country.
For me, it also presents the best dodgeball team in America, and shows me the top of the hierarchy of the sport. Unlike basketball or football or tennis, I will probably never be able to step onto the court professionally with any of the top athletes in any of those sports in any type of serious match (maybe for like charity or something). However, in dodgeball, I know on Friday/Saturday I stepped on the court with some of the best in the world at the sport, and even though my team didn't win, I knew what it felt like to play against them, how far off I am (or if there's any possibility of reaching that top). For a competitor, it's a great feeling to shine some light on this, gain some insight into one's place in the world, feel like one is relevant and is part of something. I think that's what competitors seek more than anything else in the world: a chance to become the best at something, to defeat others (in combat, win-loss, zero-sum sports) and get what everybody wants: the championship. I don't feel much more alive than I do in a big match where a lot of people are watching, knowing I've prepared myself for the competitive moment and have earned a chance to perform on the big stage and show everyone my abilities. It's probably why I've never needed any drugs or roller coasters: the thrill of competiton is enough for me, and I'm addicted to it. I want to be one of the best dodgeballers in the world. Whether that's trampoline dodgeball, 8.5 dodgeball, mud dodgeball, cage dodgeball, etc., etc. (I've played in many different formats), I'd like a chance to do that.
Fantasize on,
Robert Yan
Thursday, September 3, 2015
Haruki Murakami O
村上 春樹- Japan's most famous writer, initiator of the "Murakami Boom" in Japan where most everyone started reading his books, to the extent that millions of people ordering his works before they even came out. A great novlelist (小説家) indeed.
Dickens. Hemingway. Twain. Fitzgerald. King. And.....Murakami? I'd never heard of Murakami before college, and unlike the other authors on this list I certainly never read any of his works as a required read in high school. It also probably didn't help that Murakami writes in Japanese, and his works get translated in English. Still, Murakami's works have become a fixture in literary history.
Murakami's big hit is 1Q84, and there is greatness in those pages as well as excellent sales success (his most-read work) and certainly comparable qualities not just in name but in style and utopian societies to its predecessor 1984 by George Orwell, but 1Q84 often gets criticized for being too long and windy. Another work that I highly recommend and currently reading is Norwegian Wood. Try it in Japanese if you like as that's the original printing, but the English translation plays out in vivid detail and isn't inferior to some of the best descriptions/ storytelling that I've read. After law school I pretty much stopped reading for pleasure as law school kind of destroys that concept for its attendees, but I got back into it with Norwegian Wood (and some other Japanese manga that I've been reading on the side.)
Murakami's also got quite a few short stories and ran a blog early in the year where he answered thousands of readers' questions both in English and in Japanese, everything from what his diet is to what he thought of famous sumo wrestlers and their techniques. Quite an interesting character and very relatable to readers, Mr. Murakami, which is part of what makes his works so effective. The dialogue seems genuine but more importantly the characters' reactions to the dialogue as well as their thought processes, how they go through their lives. The stories are never overly complicated or the set-up wildly imaginary, they're ordinary people (well, kind of ordinary, they have their quirks which is what makes them seem like real people I guess) leading ordinary lives.
Fantasize on,
Robert Yan
Dickens. Hemingway. Twain. Fitzgerald. King. And.....Murakami? I'd never heard of Murakami before college, and unlike the other authors on this list I certainly never read any of his works as a required read in high school. It also probably didn't help that Murakami writes in Japanese, and his works get translated in English. Still, Murakami's works have become a fixture in literary history.
Murakami's big hit is 1Q84, and there is greatness in those pages as well as excellent sales success (his most-read work) and certainly comparable qualities not just in name but in style and utopian societies to its predecessor 1984 by George Orwell, but 1Q84 often gets criticized for being too long and windy. Another work that I highly recommend and currently reading is Norwegian Wood. Try it in Japanese if you like as that's the original printing, but the English translation plays out in vivid detail and isn't inferior to some of the best descriptions/ storytelling that I've read. After law school I pretty much stopped reading for pleasure as law school kind of destroys that concept for its attendees, but I got back into it with Norwegian Wood (and some other Japanese manga that I've been reading on the side.)
Murakami's also got quite a few short stories and ran a blog early in the year where he answered thousands of readers' questions both in English and in Japanese, everything from what his diet is to what he thought of famous sumo wrestlers and their techniques. Quite an interesting character and very relatable to readers, Mr. Murakami, which is part of what makes his works so effective. The dialogue seems genuine but more importantly the characters' reactions to the dialogue as well as their thought processes, how they go through their lives. The stories are never overly complicated or the set-up wildly imaginary, they're ordinary people (well, kind of ordinary, they have their quirks which is what makes them seem like real people I guess) leading ordinary lives.
Fantasize on,
Robert Yan
Wednesday, September 2, 2015
Workouts
I've never been a big workout guy, a gym rat, a bodybuilder. I've never felt the need; I didn't work out or lift weights at all until college, and even then I didn't utilize the free gym facilities on campus, I focused more on basketball and games, games with a ball (I've always posited that I was a dog or squirrel in a past life, where if I see a ball rolling around I want to go and get it and play with it. It's just an irresistible urge.
Bodybuilding, is just not in my genes. I see people at the gym and I say, wow what a waste of time. I hear people say " I benched 400 yesterday and wonder if that's ounces, pounds, or kilograms. I respect people who work out constantly and aim to get stronger and stronger and reach loftier goals, but I just can't maintain that type of pace: I find that it's way too easy to get out of the habit if you go on vacation or something and have to build oneself back up over time, plus I get too much enjoyment out of running and purely cardio exercises and not nearly enough from just "pumping iron." That said, I've had the same set of 40-lb barbells and a set of stools in my various apartments I've lived in since 2010, and I've been able to use them every 2 or 3 days to maintain a healthy-looking figure (the shoulder and arms and chest are noticeable). For me it beats the gym: I know I'm the only one who needs to use the weights and I don't have to "work in" with everyone else, I don't have to waste time driving to a gym and money paying for a gym, and I don't have to see other dudes who are bigger and more jacked than I am. Works for me.
Situps- do they do anything? In my guilty state of watching TV at night, I often bargain with myself to do some sort of productive activity while killing time, and situps become the default solution: I do sets of 20 until 100. I've always wondered what a six-pack would look like, but that would mean having to completely compromise my diet as well to avoid belly fat, and I've never had enough motivation to go that far. Situps therefore go mostly wasted at last for abdomen muscles and being able to show anything off, but they do cut down a bit on the fat around the waist, I figure.
Best things about working out:
1.) feeling accomplished afterwards.
2.) ending the last set of your workout.
3.) checking out yourself in the mirror the day after, or a week after. It is certainly encouraging (not that I have a very toned body, but it is fun to be able to check the "athletic/ toned" body type on my online dating profile, whether or not I'm exaggerating or not.
4.) feeling a little stronger and translating that little bit of strength to other sports like throwing just a little harder in dodgeball.
5.) Avoiding looking like a chicken with no arm muscles whatsoever. I used to have no muscles. Now I have a little muscle; I'd like to keep it that way.
Ultimately, I don't the average human being has too much time to work out and look good, even in Los Angeles (unless you're a model, in which case, congratulations). I try to maximize my workouts: do a few sets, make sure I get my cardio in, do situps while watching TV, call it a night. It's worked for 10 years so far.
Fantasize on,
Robert Yan
Bodybuilding, is just not in my genes. I see people at the gym and I say, wow what a waste of time. I hear people say " I benched 400 yesterday and wonder if that's ounces, pounds, or kilograms. I respect people who work out constantly and aim to get stronger and stronger and reach loftier goals, but I just can't maintain that type of pace: I find that it's way too easy to get out of the habit if you go on vacation or something and have to build oneself back up over time, plus I get too much enjoyment out of running and purely cardio exercises and not nearly enough from just "pumping iron." That said, I've had the same set of 40-lb barbells and a set of stools in my various apartments I've lived in since 2010, and I've been able to use them every 2 or 3 days to maintain a healthy-looking figure (the shoulder and arms and chest are noticeable). For me it beats the gym: I know I'm the only one who needs to use the weights and I don't have to "work in" with everyone else, I don't have to waste time driving to a gym and money paying for a gym, and I don't have to see other dudes who are bigger and more jacked than I am. Works for me.
Situps- do they do anything? In my guilty state of watching TV at night, I often bargain with myself to do some sort of productive activity while killing time, and situps become the default solution: I do sets of 20 until 100. I've always wondered what a six-pack would look like, but that would mean having to completely compromise my diet as well to avoid belly fat, and I've never had enough motivation to go that far. Situps therefore go mostly wasted at last for abdomen muscles and being able to show anything off, but they do cut down a bit on the fat around the waist, I figure.
Best things about working out:
1.) feeling accomplished afterwards.
2.) ending the last set of your workout.
3.) checking out yourself in the mirror the day after, or a week after. It is certainly encouraging (not that I have a very toned body, but it is fun to be able to check the "athletic/ toned" body type on my online dating profile, whether or not I'm exaggerating or not.
4.) feeling a little stronger and translating that little bit of strength to other sports like throwing just a little harder in dodgeball.
5.) Avoiding looking like a chicken with no arm muscles whatsoever. I used to have no muscles. Now I have a little muscle; I'd like to keep it that way.
Ultimately, I don't the average human being has too much time to work out and look good, even in Los Angeles (unless you're a model, in which case, congratulations). I try to maximize my workouts: do a few sets, make sure I get my cardio in, do situps while watching TV, call it a night. It's worked for 10 years so far.
Fantasize on,
Robert Yan
Tuesday, September 1, 2015
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