Breaking Up with Vegas

breakups; divorces; separations; parting of ways; annulments; dissolutions; there are many terms for “breaking up” with someone, and there are many methods to do so. Breakups vary in their methods and tone; there can be bad breakups, it can be mutual, it can be a relief, it can be a part of life, it can be very healthy for one’s future. I believe this is the last of those: Today, I am breaking up with the city of Las Vegas.

Vegas has been like a long-time long-distance girlfriend for me (and really a girlfriend substitute for me since I’ve never had a one)

1. I met Vegas for the first time in January 2009, on an unplanned trip during 1L year of law school. I was 21 and could legally drink and gamble and was looking for fun, and Vegas was there to provide it. That first weekend was glorious as I learned everything I could about her, including how to play blackjack, that there were free drinks when you sat at the table, to tip the dealers well, and that she allowed me to do many of the things I liked to do: binge watch sports, play card games, and hang out with my buddies. It was love at first sight.
2. I had to go back to law school in a different city (Los Angeles), but Vegas understood; she told me she would always be there for me.
3. Over the years I would make frequent visits to Vegas, like a long-distance relationship where we could only see each other a few times a year. (Like Tanabata, the Japanese legend of 2 lovers who could only meet once a year). I focused on other things throughout the year, but for those 2 or 3 weekends a year I went to Vegas, it was glorious. We partied, we spent all night together at the blackjack table, I developed new feelings like how to play craps, pai gow, learned the schedule for the Bellagio musical fountains, went to magic shows and Blue Man Group, and even spent New Year’s Eve in 2012 together watching the fireworks.
4. Summers were the best. Like a summer romance, we spent time at the pool on a hot desert day and pondered our future together. There were other girls prancing about in bikinis and attractive swimwear, but I only had an eye for Vegas;
5. Like all high-class habits, Vegas got a little expensive over the years, but I indulged her as well as myself by staying at the Bellagio, the Wynn, the Venetian, among other high-class establishments. I convinced myself that Vegas was worth it and my bank account wasn’t that important.
6. It’s true, money didn’t feel that important when I was with Vegas. Amounts that seemed so crucial during the daily grind of real life and paying the bills got lost in the (card) shuffle routinely during Vegas as I told myself “I only indulge myself once in a while here, no biggie,” and Vegas insisted that I carry “chips,” which made me forget money’s actual value and diffused the thoughts of feeling bad about losing it into colorful chip values of green, red, and purple.
7. I learned that like many girls, Vegas has some “tricks” to make me keep coming back and liking her, like promising big fights (boxing or MMA), making friends with my friends and convincing them to take Vegas trips, or appearing in movies or TV shows that I like having a good time. Sometimes Vegas would intentionally “have an errand for a friend” that Vegas wanted me to do like cashing in a sports bet for a friend, just an excuse for me to go visit her again. Vegas was always happy or at least looked very happy, implicitly promising that by being with her I would have a good time.
8. Vegas liked when I gambled, would routinely tell me to go to the tables, and wished me luck when I started. Often, though, she would make me jealous by “blowing on some other guy’s dice.”
9. Sometimes I would come home from Vegas not having spent that much money (winning some bets but still having spent money on transportation), but more often than not I would find my wallet empty and an even emptier feeling in my heart that I would never “make it” big with Vegas, that my dreams were just fantasies of riches and a lifestyle that could never be fulfilled. Vegas was always just capitalizing on my bachelorhood and shared my youth and energy, but it was never looking for anything more than that and really knew that I was better off not being in a relationship with her. Vegas will always be there; but it’s time to let her be with someone else.

I don’t hate Vegas or resent our time together. The times spent with Vegas are and will always be part of my best memories of my youth, especially from the Golden Twenties years of 21-28. I’m sure we’ll see each other again somewhere, maybe passing through on a connect flight or dropping by to say hi on a road trip somewhere, and for a second I’ll remember the great times we had and have an itch to maybe reconnect and see what Vegas has been up to. But now I’m 28 and I’m ready to move on to a serious, real-life relationship, and that means breaking up with Vegas forever, not trying to recreate the magic that we once had. Goodbye, Vegas.

Fantasze on,

Robert Yan