Thinking

This past Memorial Day Weekend I headed over to one of Southern California’s hiking highlights: The Bridge to Nowhere in Azusa. A pretty intense hike, with several inclines and climbing areas, as well as no less than 8 places where crossing a creek/river is required and getting shoes/ feet wet is necessary. I definitely did not have the right gear, but after about the first 3 times I got used to wading into the water; it actually feels pretty refreshing, as long as you can tolerate the “squishing” of the shoes after you’ve dipped in. The whole hike took about 3 hours there and back, and probably could have taken long if I paused to admire the scenery more or had a dog with me (as many hikers did) or stopped at the actual Bridge to Nowhere to do some bungee jumping. I did none of those things but still enjoyed all the different rock formations, mountain ranges, and hiking along the creek.

What was most refreshing, though, was the ability to walk and THINK for 3 hours. There was no cell phone reception, which meant no calls to others and NO INTERNET for 3 hours. It’s hard to imagine that in this day and age, but it’s good to take a social media/ internet vacation for at least half a day. I found myself actually thinking about life, about what I’ve done before and where I go from now, new dodgeball techniques I might try, what to write about in this blog, different japanese terms I’ve learned over the last few years, all kinds of things. Most importantly, I took the time to EVALUATE things and focus on them for as long as I wanted. Much like the trails of the Bridge to Nowhere, the roads of my thoughts were not clearly defined by legal statutes, the boss’s orders, or some sort of personal agenda I had. They were just free flowing thoughts that came about because I let my mind wander. I also wasn’t talking to anybody but myself, so I could be truly truly honest about myself and not have to give political answers or tell white lies like the ones to my parents (I try to limit these to things like, “Sure I’ll get married soon, don’t worry, you guys just wait!”)

I used to have tons of these thoughts, long hikes and long car rides where I pondered things. Over the last few years I’ve limited these times because I’ve had other things to focus on and I’ve tried to “not waste time,” but once a while (like a long weekend or on a vacation) I let my mind wander. I think it’s where my best ideas come from, where I dissect different things that have been on my mind and my mind comes up with a solution or looks at it from a different perspective. I always think of it like the movie Inception, where there’s layers of dreams that go into creating an idea; thinking allows Leonardo Dicaprio and his group of inceptors to go in and establish new ideas.

Learning a language or learning the law, or learning how to play dodgeball, anything really involves thinking too. It’s one thing to memorize words or concepts and read them off a piece of paper, or just play dodgeball, but it’s another to be able to describe the concepts and master it. That creates going over things in one’s mind and recreating it over and over again, so that one can access it anytime, (ironically) without even thinking. Basically the test of whether one has thought enough about something to learn it comes when you can repeat it without even thinking, effortlessly.

Lesson of the story here: Don’t just be a sponge and absorb. Once in a while, think.

Fantasize on,

Robert Yan

Debate! 討論会 [とうろんかい]

I recently took a Japanese lesson where we debated some very interesting topics, and I wanted to rehash those topics

1. If you had a superpower, what superpower would you have?

• So many to choose from, right? Invincibility, invisibility, ability to fly, super strength, ability to cure diseases, shooting water out of your fingers, etc., etc. Mine would probably be to be able to read other people thoughts...man that’s powerful. I’ve always been a big believer in the mind, and as violative of other people’s privacies as that is, it’d be such a big advantage in some arenas…...imagine having that ability in chess, or any other sport…..Or imagine what it would do for me dating life, being able to know what a girl was thinking, or more importantly, what a girl really thought of me. There’s like an entire movie about this (What Women Want). Also I wouldn’t have to be subjected to lectures from my mom anymore (or would get double the lecture, both in her mind and of the verbal variety).

2.) If you had a time machine, would you want to go back to the past, or go forward in the future?

The other superpower I’d opt for might be time travel, and I’d very much want to go back to the past, especially if you could change something about the present by going back there (a definite caveat that one needs to be careful about when making this momentous decision). Look, both options are very appealing financially because you could get all the winning lottery numbers from the future, or go back to the past and buy a lot of Apple stock in the 1990’s or something. If there’s no changing the present, the utility of going back to the past is limited to what I do now- just rehashing old regrets and watching it play out over and over again, or maybe reliving the best day of one’s life (not a bad day), or to just meeting historical figures or whatnot. Pass. I want to go back and change the day I was mean to someone, or didn’t have the guts to ask a girl out, or went on that awesome trip with my friends that I regret not having gone on. Maybe I wouldn’t be a lawyer anymore- I’d be an actor, or a firefighter, or live my dreams. O and living in the future? I think there’s plenty of time to do that right now, why ruin the suspense and find out what I will become or what goodies await?

3.) Would you rather marry someone who was beautiful but poor or someone who was ugly but rich?

Look, this question is very difficult to get an honest answer for because most, as with the people in this debate, will answer, “compatibility is the most important,” or “love is key,” or “it’s what inside that matters,” which could be true, but it’s kind of a cop-out for the reality that most people first look for someone whom they are attracted to physically, then figure everything else out later. Even the most clear-minded and moral of people do this, heck I do this. It’s a beautiful people’s world; we’re just all living in it. That physical attraction, as much as people hate admitting it, is very key to a relationship and keeps it going. From the perspective of marriage I’d say that people are a little more willing to compromise and go for more innate qualities that last a lifetime (beauty doesn’t), but the Hot Crazy Matrix definitely applies for most people (go on youtube and enter “Hot Crazy Matrix” if you have no idea what I’m talking about). Money (may be me being sexist) may matter more for women, but from the guys I talk to, how much money a woman makes or has doesn’t really factor too much into the equation.

On a personal note, I have a low bar of attractiveness for which if a girl is above it, I go for a shot with and look at other traits like kindness, sense of humor, intelligence, compatibility, etc., but I’d be lying if I didn’t try harder to impress prettier girls than not-so-prettier ones. Human beings are just wired that way; there’s no getting around it.

4.) Should there be a minimum wage? Should there be tipping?

California just passed a minimum wage law that will make the minimum wage $15 an hour in 2020? It’s currently $9. I’m not sure that’s such a good idea, actually. Although in theory it’s a noble effort to lift up the lower class, especially in CAlifornia where cost of living is so high and commodities are expensive, a lot of employers are unable to retain a lot of workers at $9 an hour as it is, especially in retail and small businesses (sure this is targeting big monoglothic companies like Walmart and Target, but it residually affects all companies), and those jobs will be lost. It’s a delicate balance, and going that extreme to $15 an hour could force more people out of work than deliver that benefit of allowing people more wages. I mean, think about it, is it realistic to just expect companies to give workers an extra $6 an hour in a vacuum without any sort of cutbacks or consequences? I highly doubt it. Anyway, I think tipping should be included in the price so that consumers can choose whether to go to restaurant upfront, without worrying about prices. I often am turned off by having to tip waiters and discouraged from going to sit-down restaurants for this very reason. Also, forcing people to tip through societal pressure kind of destroys the whole privatization/ communistic system of incentivizing people to do their best. Tipping should be doing your best to be friendly, helpful and being “rewarded” with a tip, not “expecting” a tip just because you’re a waiter. I don’t know, maybe I’m just being bitter about only being paid $7.50 an hour at my first job at Jewel Osco as a bagger back in high school. Sigh.

Side note:

Today one of my friends met an NBA basketball player (Jamal Crawford) at the 7-11 and instead of getting his autograph, had enough wherewithal to call his friend, who is a huge Jamal Crawford fan, and let her talk to him for a minute. HUGE suprise. Truly inspiring, and makes me want to do that for my friends.

Fantasize on,

Robert Yan

Breaking Up with Vegas

breakups; divorces; separations; parting of ways; annulments; dissolutions; there are many terms for “breaking up” with someone, and there are many methods to do so. Breakups vary in their methods and tone; there can be bad breakups, it can be mutual, it can be a relief, it can be a part of life, it can be very healthy for one’s future. I believe this is the last of those: Today, I am breaking up with the city of Las Vegas.

Vegas has been like a long-time long-distance girlfriend for me (and really a girlfriend substitute for me since I’ve never had a one)

1. I met Vegas for the first time in January 2009, on an unplanned trip during 1L year of law school. I was 21 and could legally drink and gamble and was looking for fun, and Vegas was there to provide it. That first weekend was glorious as I learned everything I could about her, including how to play blackjack, that there were free drinks when you sat at the table, to tip the dealers well, and that she allowed me to do many of the things I liked to do: binge watch sports, play card games, and hang out with my buddies. It was love at first sight.
2. I had to go back to law school in a different city (Los Angeles), but Vegas understood; she told me she would always be there for me.
3. Over the years I would make frequent visits to Vegas, like a long-distance relationship where we could only see each other a few times a year. (Like Tanabata, the Japanese legend of 2 lovers who could only meet once a year). I focused on other things throughout the year, but for those 2 or 3 weekends a year I went to Vegas, it was glorious. We partied, we spent all night together at the blackjack table, I developed new feelings like how to play craps, pai gow, learned the schedule for the Bellagio musical fountains, went to magic shows and Blue Man Group, and even spent New Year’s Eve in 2012 together watching the fireworks.
4. Summers were the best. Like a summer romance, we spent time at the pool on a hot desert day and pondered our future together. There were other girls prancing about in bikinis and attractive swimwear, but I only had an eye for Vegas;
5. Like all high-class habits, Vegas got a little expensive over the years, but I indulged her as well as myself by staying at the Bellagio, the Wynn, the Venetian, among other high-class establishments. I convinced myself that Vegas was worth it and my bank account wasn’t that important.
6. It’s true, money didn’t feel that important when I was with Vegas. Amounts that seemed so crucial during the daily grind of real life and paying the bills got lost in the (card) shuffle routinely during Vegas as I told myself “I only indulge myself once in a while here, no biggie,” and Vegas insisted that I carry “chips,” which made me forget money’s actual value and diffused the thoughts of feeling bad about losing it into colorful chip values of green, red, and purple.
7. I learned that like many girls, Vegas has some “tricks” to make me keep coming back and liking her, like promising big fights (boxing or MMA), making friends with my friends and convincing them to take Vegas trips, or appearing in movies or TV shows that I like having a good time. Sometimes Vegas would intentionally “have an errand for a friend” that Vegas wanted me to do like cashing in a sports bet for a friend, just an excuse for me to go visit her again. Vegas was always happy or at least looked very happy, implicitly promising that by being with her I would have a good time.
8. Vegas liked when I gambled, would routinely tell me to go to the tables, and wished me luck when I started. Often, though, she would make me jealous by “blowing on some other guy’s dice.”
9. Sometimes I would come home from Vegas not having spent that much money (winning some bets but still having spent money on transportation), but more often than not I would find my wallet empty and an even emptier feeling in my heart that I would never “make it” big with Vegas, that my dreams were just fantasies of riches and a lifestyle that could never be fulfilled. Vegas was always just capitalizing on my bachelorhood and shared my youth and energy, but it was never looking for anything more than that and really knew that I was better off not being in a relationship with her. Vegas will always be there; but it’s time to let her be with someone else.

I don’t hate Vegas or resent our time together. The times spent with Vegas are and will always be part of my best memories of my youth, especially from the Golden Twenties years of 21-28. I’m sure we’ll see each other again somewhere, maybe passing through on a connect flight or dropping by to say hi on a road trip somewhere, and for a second I’ll remember the great times we had and have an itch to maybe reconnect and see what Vegas has been up to. But now I’m 28 and I’m ready to move on to a serious, real-life relationship, and that means breaking up with Vegas forever, not trying to recreate the magic that we once had. Goodbye, Vegas.

Fantasze on,

Robert Yan

Why I Run

I didn't like running when I was a kid. I used to dread going to early bird gym (I had Physical Education in the mornings during high school to churn out an extra class every semester) and nothing added to the misery of getting up at 6AM on the morning of a test day (or multiple tests!) to find out we were doing the mile run that day, and it would be timed. How far would I get this time, I would wonder, before running out of breath? How far ahead would be peers get ahead of me? The thought of completing a marathon never even dawned on me. I suspect my teenage self would of thought it a waste of time, something other people with more physical talent do.

During 7th grade, my parents noticed I was getting "outsized" and encouraged me to join cross country. I hated it. Running was agony for me as I dragged my 150-pound body (really big for a 12-year-old) around while other kids jogged seemingly effortlessly, gliding through the air with what seemed like antelope legs and finishing way before I did, always looking like they wanted to run 5 more miles while I struggled to finish 2. It was a struggle every week to admit to my peers that I had taken almost 20 minutes to do 2 miles, especially since it was a very awkward teenage period for me of trying to gain acceptance and friends. Nonetheless, it was secretly one of the most important things my parents made me do (other than go to Chinese school and keep up my Mandarin, as well as, you know, feed and clothe me) because it gave me a taste of what it was like to run. I didn't feel happy about it, I didn't get the runners' high, but I found out that I was capable of doing it, that it was possible to go a whole cross-country season without dying of exhaustion or giving up.

I didn't run during high school other than the mile runs that the schools forced everyone to do that I rarely finished without having to stop. (A difficult concept for many adults like myself to accept but nonetheless a very real challenge in those years) as I concentrated on other sterling physical athletic competitions such as, math team and chess team (that was a joke btw). It was too cold to run in college most of the time at the University of Illinois, and I finally started running when I moved to Los Angeles for law school. "Every day is a nice day out there!" was the prevailing thought, but it was also to get away from the law school textbooks during a grueling 1L year and just do anything but. That was the dawn of an era: I would be relieved, even look forward to, going out for a run after a long day, and the USC campus was great to run around. Even then I didn't run every day, and only a mile or so.

Los Angeles has a way of transforming one's mindset and getting one to strive for a certain body type, and I played into the stereotype of getting fit. I had moved away from the "obese" threshold during high school due to a growth spurt, but in one way was I in top physical shape in high school, even college. Los Angeles allowed me to go outside every day to work on getting into physical shape, and pretty soon I was proud that I could "go through a whole run without stopping to walk."

Over the years, I've developed a pretty solid running regimen: Run 3 miles around my home or work (the views of downtown are great) without stopping, listening to music or podcasts (and more recently, Japanese). Listening to those podcasts is a good way to unwind and to feel the breeze lapping onto my face after being stuck in a compact room all day, but it's also a great time to just think. Just think about where I've been, what I'm doing right now in my life, and where I want to be. ( I know, you probably have read that exact sentence in like a "Nike Run commercial somewhere) I think about diverse topics whether there's an afterlife, whether I Los Angeles is better than other cities, where my car keys are, how to impress the girl that I'm into, and obviously, what fantasy baseball players I want to put in that day. I've usually not lost, but my mind gets lost in a million different topics, and that's what's so fun about it: it can go where it wants to without my forcefeeding it information like, "memorize this information for the test," or "you need to finish writing that litigation document by tomorrow morning." More than the dietary benefits, more than the runner's high which I developed over the years getting to that great area where the body just feels like it's in the right place, it's the ability to lose myself in running.

I run also to get to know new places. When I went to a new job in Philadelphia, I ran the Rocky steps. When I went to Vancouver for a weekend, I ran around Stanley Island. When I went on a baseball road trip, I ran around Cincinatti's Great American Ballpark (and other stadiums). I run around my neighborhood to meet all the neighbors. I ran in Japan to the experience the momiji (falling leaves) season. I run to experience new things.

I also run to achieve goals. I'm a very goal oriented person (my new goal is to get a 6-pack! Or at least work on my abs and not have a flabby stomach). Kind of on a whim, I decided to do the LA Marathon this year and trained for it in the span of 2 months. Those 26.2 miles were brutal, and I actually don't have very fond memories of it especially the last 6 miles where I limped home a broken man, but like the cliche, the best part of the journey wasn't the destination, it was the journey to get there. I ran long distances (10+ miles each time from my home in Culver City to Venice Beach by myself, and I timed it so I could see the setting sun go down over the Pacific Ocean, one of the best views one can have, in my opinion. AND I'm running, so that really enhanced the runner's high.)  Running down the coastline, in anticipation of a marathon, thinking about life and its full potential, that's how I'd want to spend part of my last day on earth if I had to choose.

In short,

I run to be fit. (I'm in the best shape of my life and I love it)
I run to feel runner's high.
I run to experience new places
I run to reach my goals (recently finished the LA Marathon, never thought I'd do one)
I run to think.

That's why I run.

Mother's Day 2015

My birthday is always around Mother's Day, and instead of being overly selfish and celebrating myself this year I'd like to give a shout out to my Mom, in Chinese AND in English. Please read one or both if you can!

我们家有句笑话是说我或我妹妹有毛病是谁遗传的.比如说，我爸经常丢山落事的，我要是忘记什么就怪我爸的基因。我有很多长处是妈传给我的，最重要的是脑子动的比较快。 不过我妈最重要的贡献是她的毅力和干性。我妈一直很努力，很会吃苦。我当然不如我妈了，但从小学她的榜样，在学校里用工买力。有什么困难的时候就想，我妈来美国的时候肯定比这痛苦多了，这点小冤枉算不了什么。

我妈很会为别人着想。她的想法是把家人或客人放第一，然后再为自己服务。吃饭的时候总是为外公拿菜或挪挪椅子，去医院看病的时候都是妈妈约好的，小时候陪着去的。上学时都是妈妈负钱，花学费的。我在美国长大一直是我妈支持我，她做的事情都是为我或为了家人着想的，我从来没见到她把自记的欲望放在家人前面.

说起花钱了，我爸有点小气鬼，不肯花钱，但我妈该出手时就出手，会花钱。也不是乱花钱猛砸钱，是需要花的时候肯花钱，尤其是为大家着想的像上好大学或买房子之类的。这也跟我妈很会赚钱有关系。

还有她教我做子女要孝顺，不能忘恩负义。我妈妈的爸爸，我外公，一直跟我们家住着，我妈来美国后一直照顾他。我对这一点有深刻印象，必须学着做！

我妈还有一点很让人配服，是很大方。我很喜欢跟别人一起吃饭的时候自主买单，算送一份人情。这是从我妈学的。去别人家的时候要带点什么东方，不能空手去。

最后是我妈很会做饭，麻婆豆腐蚂蚁上树烤牛排什么的多才多艺。妈，请教我怎么做！请继续给我做好吃的！

太感谢我妈了！母亲节快乐！

There's a joke in my family that any bad habits or personality flaws my sister and I have are attributed to genes from one of my parents. For example, my dad is known for losing things, so if I ever forget something it'll be blamed on my dad's genes. In contrast, I have some good traits that are from my mom, including the fact that I can think quickly, think on my feet. However, my mom's biggest contribution is actually her determination and diligence. My mom has always worked hard and persevered through tough times. I'm not as strong as my mom, but from a young age I followed her example, and in school I tried hard and gave it my all. Whenever I was in a tough situation, I always thought that my mom dealt with much worse when coming to America as an immigrant, so whatever I'm dealing with pales in comparison to that.

My mom is very considerate of others. Her mindset is to put family or guests first, then think about herself. During meals she always serves my grandfather first by putting food in his plate or shifting chairs. When I was a kid, doctor visits were scheduled by my mom, and she often took me along with her. My mom put me through school, including paying tuition. Growing up in America, my mom always supported me, and despite any arguments we had I know now that whatever she was doing was for the good of the family, and I've never seen her put her own desires in front of the family's well-being.

Speaking of money, my dad is a bit of a cheapskate, and pinches pennies sometimes, but my mom spends money where it's needed. She's not a spendthrift or wildly buying things she doesn't need, especially when it's necessary things like buying a house or my (or my sister's) education. This is also related to my mom's ability to make money, which she is very successful at doing. 

My mom has also taught me filial piety, how to be respectful to parents. She has taught me not to forget debts and remember what my parents did for us. My grandfather, my mom's father, has always lived with us since he came to America, and my mom's cared for him ever since. I must learn from my mom's example! 

My mom's also very generous. I like to treat others when we all go out for a meal, it's like showing a sign of respect and friendliness. I learned to do that from my mom, and I appreciate it about myself. When going to a party or someone else's home, I can't go empty-handed (i.e. bring a gift, bring some food, etc.) 

Finally, my mom's very good at cooking, she has got a lot of skills including MaPo Tofu, Ants up a Tree (Chinese dish), steak, and many many more. Please teach me, mom! And please continue giving me delicious food! Thanks! 

Happy's mother day! 

(Note: I am NOT a "Mazakon"マザコン

 in Japanese, aka someone with Oedipus complex who "loves" his mother. 

Fantasize on,

Robert Yan

Four posts in one

Pacquiao v. Mayweather:

Talk about misplaced hype….I don’t know boxing, but I don’t think I’m alone in saying that Saturday’s night’s performance was very, very disappointing “We waited 5 years for that?” and “Mayweather knows how to avoid a punch” permeated Twitter. Boxing is also very ripe for disappointment and boredom, IMO. It’s one guy v. one guy, theres no changing dynamic or different players, once a strategy has been tried and failed it’s like pounding a square peg into a round hole...Pacquiao just had no alternative strategies for 12 rounds.The result seemed inevitable, almost trivial due to the lack of choices Pacquiao had available to him. The whole thing reminded me of a…….wait for it…...pyramid scheme. The promotoers made this fight seem like once-in-a-century, can’t miss, the biggest must-see in about 10 years, and the awful truth was that Mayweather boxes in a style that is repugnant to viewers (“counter-punching” is synonymous to eluding and getting out of the way and once in a while mixing in a punch here and there) and Pacquiao was well past his prime where he couldn’t do any damage once Mayweather locked in his strategy. It was a sad sight to see, and as my non-boxing fan friend put it, “well that’s the last time I’ll ever watch a boxing fight.” Boxing, like fax machines and non-smartphones, is a relic of the past, a dinosaur catering to only the most “classic” fans and replaced by more action-packed, more dynamic, more exciting new choices. And o yea, people don’t want to have to pay $100 to watch one fight, especially when they can watch a classic Spurs-Clippers basketball Game 7 right before it on national TV for free. (and the full fight will probably be available somewhere on the internet hours later).

Multitasking

Multitasking is very difficult. Doing 2 mind-challenging tasks is almost impossible; one of them must be somewhat mechanical or brainless, like driving or running. Otherwise you really don’t get the full quality of on of the experiences. I wish the human brain was more capable than that, but alas it’s necessary to focus on one thing at a time. Currently I’m writing this entry while watching Game of Thrones (possibly indicating my feeling towards that show as a mindless exercise), but I do tune back in during the “important parts.” Especially with something difficult like learning a new language or explaining a difficult concept in your native language, your full attention is required, it’s almost as if you have to turn off the “vision” portion of the brain because that one is always processing what you’re looking at and generating thoughts, even in traffic saying, “o watch out for that car coming on the left” or “ooo I need to get off in 2 exits after Muholland.” Often I’m listening to Japanese podcasts and my mind just glosses over important sections because I drift into thought about something else. I guess what I’m trying to say is, multitasking is overrated, working earnestly (nessin 熱心) and with one’s full attention (isshokenmei in Japanese)

Relationships-

The older I grow, the more I realize what’s the most important thing in life. I bore of sports; I see it as a distraction to more serious things that deserve my attention, like falling in love and starting a family. I guess it’s part of the process of “growing up.” As I turn 28 in less than a week, I’ve finally realized that the latter 2 things are more important than the first 2. 10 years after graduating high school, I’ve grown out of being a kid. It’s time to be an adult. Does that mean I have to get married before 30, like my parents want to be, and the goal that I’ve set for myself? (partially motivated by TV shows that I’ve walked that indicates the prevailing societal mood) No. First of all, it might not be up to me…..it takes a while to find someone you like, much less love, and it shouldn’t be rushed. I’m running out of a time anyway: just to go over the scenario for fun, I would turn 28 in a week, meet someone or start dating someone whom I already know, go through at least a month or 2 or 3 before making that person my girlfriend, then date for a few months before maybe living together for 6 more months or so 29, then get engaged and scout out places for the wedding which takes a year in advance to book and maybe squeeze it in early May/ late April of 2017? Not too realistic and way to formulaic; I’m a guy who loves to preserve time and squeeze things in, but that’s just pushing it, and no sense rushing one of the most important events in one’s life. Until then I’ll continue to see baby pictures and engagement announcements and wedding pictures of facebook friends without any jealousy at all.  

Painted Turtle-

In the mountains away from Los Angeles in a small town called Lake Elsinore, Camp Painted Turtle is a special camp  for special kids, and I love going. If I liked working a normal cap or normal kids, I like working at  special camp for special kids even more. It’s a great way to connect with people one would never meet in “real life,” children who have suffered throughout their entire childhood with doctors, medical conditions, and inability to fit in with other “normal” kids who look forward to going to camp because they can be themselves and have fun with people who understand their conditions or even have the conditions themselves. It’s also a great way to meet other people who care about the underprivileged and those with conditions, and I both go in and leave feeling great every time. More places like Painted Turtle should exist where money and prestige and fame are valued very little if at all, but compassion and companionship are accepted as the only currency.

Fantasize on,

Robert Yan