My wonderful wife MJ, who is often very busy herself, calls me "Busy Bee Bobby" whenever I get so busy that I'm ignoring her. Busy as a bee, of course, is a very common English expression for being really busy, evoking the image of a worker bee flying from one flower to another or doing some other task without stopping, at a breakneck pace. In Korean, the most common equivalent is "so busy that one does not have time to open my eyes and nose. I'm not sure why that person is not opening their eyes to see, but I do understand not being able to close's eyes as the eyes are usually a required part of doing any work, especially white collar work like reading off a computer screen or smartphone. Recently I've been so busy during work hours that my eyes get a little sore, as unconsciously I keep my eyes open more and blink less, thus causing them to dry up quickly. Having them locked onto a screen almost 24/7 probably does not help. That's actually one of the major concerns associated with young people constantly looking at their screens nowadays, not only is it addicting and reduces social interaction among other negative consequences, it also causes people's eyes to age faster, where in the past kids would use their eyes for reading books, playing outside, taking to friends, etc., now their eyes are just locked onto screens.
The Japanese phrase for busy is "so busy I'd even borrow a cat's paw," kind of weird but understandable, it's like you don't have enough hands for your task. It does occur to me that if I had more than 2 hands I could type more messages and bang out emails faster and click the mouse more often, but I don't know if my mind would keep up. I was able to hold hands with MJ at the botanical garden on a Saturday, which was splendid. I'm often reminded how refreshing it is to watch weddings; everyone's dressed up and looking their best and in an idyllic location, usually on a weekend so everyone's relaxed and not stressed yet about the weekend. And I'm not jaded yet about relationships and marriage to be sick of weddings; I still think they are excellent opportunities to connect with friends and family, as long as the cost is under control and it doesn't make one too busy (MJ still complains that she was so busy that she couldn't open her eyes and ears during the wedding planning process).
Chinese people use the imagery of being "unable to break free," or "can't detach my body" from the work or the thing that is causing one to be busy. In some circumstances, that's true: at my work, I often find myself wanting to go home, but I have to be "on standby" in case something happens with the case I am working on that requires me to do work or for my boss to assign me more work. What's stressful for a lot of people is the fact that they can't break free from their work, that there's always something left to do, they always have to think about it even if they are not physically at the office or currently working on it. That's the dilemma for a busy person, it's not necessarily always being pressed at a deadline and having to finish something, but just the feeling of something needing to be done, that you can't break free from it.
Fantasize on,
Robert Yan
Sunday, September 22, 2019
Wednesday, September 18, 2019
Big Law Associate (大きな法律事務所弁護士)
It must be lonely to be a big law associate. Recently I've been working in New York City at one of the big law firms, on a floor bustling with lawyers, partners, paralegals, secretaries and filled with desks, conference rooms, and this is the conclusion I've come to. Here you are in one of the best cities in the world, with millions of things to do and see, and perfect weather (recently summer has come and gone and a little bit of a chill has hit, signaling the autumn that will come), yet you're stuck in this office that you have to show up to every day and work like a drone from morning to night (many associates are expected to arrive around 9AM-9:30AM and leave after 7PM, often going deep into the night on a project or case that's coming up against a deadline). You have one of the best food scenes in the world with 3-star restaurants, food stands, delis, you name it, yet you can't leave your office for too long to enjoy any of it, have to order Postmates or Uber eats or some kind of mobile food service to save time. The aftermentioned schedule kind of precludes a social life on the weekdays especially if your commute is around average, at least 30 minutes, so by the time you get home it's about time to sleep, and often you're expected to work on the weekend.
But it's not all just about the time commitment for a big law associate, it's just the spirit of the work. The big law firm salary is nice, there's nice perks like happy hours, you work with intelligent people as a white-collar worker in a job that uses one's intellect, but it's the being there every day, day after day, until an undefined time in the future, that can be soul crushing. Often people say anything is bearable as long as you have an end date, some time you can look forward to that is like a distant goal for a marathon runner, knowing how much you have left to do so you can gauge how much you need to keep going for. For a law firm associate, it's an indefinite time. There's the 7 years (or so) that it takes to make partner, but then what? You just continue to be a partner.
I've actually enjoyed the time at my law firm for now, and my work isn't particularly stressful or burdensome or that difficult to do. I just feel for some of the associates who have to be there and the life they'e chosen for themselves, even though the outside world may view it as one of the best jobs you can have. I certainly did when I enrolled in law school, thinking I would graduate with a big law firm job, live in a big city, and just live the good life. Just like any good thing, it's not always exactly as god as it's made out to be, AND it's like the hero of a epic story that's accomplished his goal or king that's gained the throne or President that's gotten elected: you climbed the mountain, achieved the dream, you made it! (Literally and figuratively, got up to the upper floors of a tall building in a mega-city, sat in an office with your name on it and a badge with your face on it that lets you in and out.......but as you sit down and begin on your first day, you realize this is the first day of a lot of days here. Now what?
Fantasize on,
Robert Yan
But it's not all just about the time commitment for a big law associate, it's just the spirit of the work. The big law firm salary is nice, there's nice perks like happy hours, you work with intelligent people as a white-collar worker in a job that uses one's intellect, but it's the being there every day, day after day, until an undefined time in the future, that can be soul crushing. Often people say anything is bearable as long as you have an end date, some time you can look forward to that is like a distant goal for a marathon runner, knowing how much you have left to do so you can gauge how much you need to keep going for. For a law firm associate, it's an indefinite time. There's the 7 years (or so) that it takes to make partner, but then what? You just continue to be a partner.
I've actually enjoyed the time at my law firm for now, and my work isn't particularly stressful or burdensome or that difficult to do. I just feel for some of the associates who have to be there and the life they'e chosen for themselves, even though the outside world may view it as one of the best jobs you can have. I certainly did when I enrolled in law school, thinking I would graduate with a big law firm job, live in a big city, and just live the good life. Just like any good thing, it's not always exactly as god as it's made out to be, AND it's like the hero of a epic story that's accomplished his goal or king that's gained the throne or President that's gotten elected: you climbed the mountain, achieved the dream, you made it! (Literally and figuratively, got up to the upper floors of a tall building in a mega-city, sat in an office with your name on it and a badge with your face on it that lets you in and out.......but as you sit down and begin on your first day, you realize this is the first day of a lot of days here. Now what?
Fantasize on,
Robert Yan
Sunday, September 15, 2019
Night Bus (夜行バス)
I've recently come to the realization that the world is an easier place for people like me who can sleep anywhere. I recently waited until the last second to book a flight from New York to Durham, and the prices shot up at the last second, so I decided to take the much cheaper but much more maligned "night bus," a popular mode of transport in Japan but not very common in America apparently. The night bus is much less frizzle, much less TSA, much less strict on bag allowances and much less occupied about what's in your bag. (The Raleigh-Durham airport has a drug-sniffing dog that goes behind passengers as they walk by to sniff what's in their bag, and I just think that the dogs are good, but are they THAT good?) But the night bus does take much more time, which is fine if you can fall asleep on the bus! In the history of my life I almost always fall asleep on long distance drives as a passenger (and sometimes ALMOST as a driver! Dangerous!) because the motion of the car on the highway is just so peaceful, a gentle rocking while still in motion that makes me fall asleep more easily than just lying down at home in a still place. Ever since I was a kid taking long road trips from Chicago to Disneyworld in Florida because my parents couldn't afford the "Disney Magical Flight" or whatever it's called, to driving back and forth to college in Champaign, IL, to making a long trek from Illinois to CA for law school, to going back and forth from LA to San Francisco to Vegas, I've always been able to sleep on those long drives, making it an efficient trip. It's necessary to find a willing driver, so I'm thankful to the drivers who drive me.
Just like in Japan, where night buses are the cheapest option, buses are probably the cheapest option as well, as a bus can take like 50 passengers and employ just one bus driver. A $150 flight could be just $50 by bus, 3 times the price but also more than 3 times the amount of time........that's the trade off of life, I guess........time v. money. Except if you can sleep anywhere like me (even in some uncomfortable seats, night lying down!) and can just sleep and cut the time down!
Just like the airline industry of tiers with Delta being near the top (some swear by JetBlue, I used to be a big believer in Southwest) to acknowledged lower tiers like Spirit Air and now unfortunately United Airlines, the long-distance bus business also has tiers! The Chinese-owned bus companies Wanda and Panda bus (they sure know how to pick their names!) are pretty disorganized and have had discontented customers, Greyhound sometimes cancels their routes which is just unimaginable for those waiting there for the bus to arrive, whereas Megabus and Boltbus are OK (so far) in my book. Word of warning: every bus company has designated stop areas where they drop passengers off to get slaughtered by $10 sandwiches and $3 water bottles.......Don't fall for it! Hydrate beforehand. Night bus, the cheapest hotel-on-wheels you can find (without a shower, that is).
Life after 30 is different among one's friends group. People are always trying to notice if other people are having a baby, or if they already have a baby, if they're going to have another one. It's like the new "did you do your homework? What assignments do we have?" when I was in school (MJ still does this), or what's new in life? Oh, I have a kid now. It's the implicit question when married and presenting oneself at a party or social gathering.......people are checking whether the wife is showing any signs, or not drinking any alcohol when they normally would be... I can't tell if it's a happy thing or a sad thing, where everyone is eager to celebrate your pregnancy, or trying to get a look at the next brave/foolish couple who is entering parenthood. I guess the intrigue of not telling everyone or telling everyone could be fun for the mother, but only until they actually have to deliver the baby! Truly a life-changing (in all senses of the world) event. I just hope MJ and I are truly ready when we're ready to have a baby and ready to announce to the world we are actually expecting!
Fantasize on,
Robert Yan
Just like in Japan, where night buses are the cheapest option, buses are probably the cheapest option as well, as a bus can take like 50 passengers and employ just one bus driver. A $150 flight could be just $50 by bus, 3 times the price but also more than 3 times the amount of time........that's the trade off of life, I guess........time v. money. Except if you can sleep anywhere like me (even in some uncomfortable seats, night lying down!) and can just sleep and cut the time down!
Just like the airline industry of tiers with Delta being near the top (some swear by JetBlue, I used to be a big believer in Southwest) to acknowledged lower tiers like Spirit Air and now unfortunately United Airlines, the long-distance bus business also has tiers! The Chinese-owned bus companies Wanda and Panda bus (they sure know how to pick their names!) are pretty disorganized and have had discontented customers, Greyhound sometimes cancels their routes which is just unimaginable for those waiting there for the bus to arrive, whereas Megabus and Boltbus are OK (so far) in my book. Word of warning: every bus company has designated stop areas where they drop passengers off to get slaughtered by $10 sandwiches and $3 water bottles.......Don't fall for it! Hydrate beforehand. Night bus, the cheapest hotel-on-wheels you can find (without a shower, that is).
Life after 30 is different among one's friends group. People are always trying to notice if other people are having a baby, or if they already have a baby, if they're going to have another one. It's like the new "did you do your homework? What assignments do we have?" when I was in school (MJ still does this), or what's new in life? Oh, I have a kid now. It's the implicit question when married and presenting oneself at a party or social gathering.......people are checking whether the wife is showing any signs, or not drinking any alcohol when they normally would be... I can't tell if it's a happy thing or a sad thing, where everyone is eager to celebrate your pregnancy, or trying to get a look at the next brave/foolish couple who is entering parenthood. I guess the intrigue of not telling everyone or telling everyone could be fun for the mother, but only until they actually have to deliver the baby! Truly a life-changing (in all senses of the world) event. I just hope MJ and I are truly ready when we're ready to have a baby and ready to announce to the world we are actually expecting!
Fantasize on,
Robert Yan
Sunday, September 8, 2019
Anniversary 기념일, 周年, 記念日
On 9/9/2017, MJ and I had our glorious wedding celebration! One of the best times of my life! And it's already been 2 years since that day! Kind of unbelievable actually, I remember the difference between an eighth grader in junior high to a sophomore in high school was HUGE, so many life changes like learning to drive a car, new friends.....becoming adult is like a license for time to fly by: no matter how much I try to prolong periods of my life, 2 years goes by quick I find myself the same, relatively unchanged, despite so many life changes.
9/9 was a great day to have a wedding in Los Angeles, and apparently many people agree! Just saw many many facebook posts of weddings this weekend. We were on the right track! A good reminder to treasure the times you have when you have them. I cheaped out on honeymoon accommodations to Hawaii and made MJ "feel cheap" on our honeymoon, and that magical time will be slightly tarnished by that decision, whereas I DID get some things right about our wedding like hiring a wedding photographer, booking the Intercontinental Hotel on our wedding night to stay at the top of the city in downtown LA (also, MJ's parents were in town and could sleep at our place that night, so it really worked out!) But 2 years is enough time already to look back at certain details of those glorious nights fondly and nostalgically, so I'm glad we had a wedding and can always look back on it as a marker to start our lives together. We need to put down these markers sometimes, as opposed to putting down markers for days where I was just at the office living a mundane life.
Fantasize on,
Robert Yan
9/9 was a great day to have a wedding in Los Angeles, and apparently many people agree! Just saw many many facebook posts of weddings this weekend. We were on the right track! A good reminder to treasure the times you have when you have them. I cheaped out on honeymoon accommodations to Hawaii and made MJ "feel cheap" on our honeymoon, and that magical time will be slightly tarnished by that decision, whereas I DID get some things right about our wedding like hiring a wedding photographer, booking the Intercontinental Hotel on our wedding night to stay at the top of the city in downtown LA (also, MJ's parents were in town and could sleep at our place that night, so it really worked out!) But 2 years is enough time already to look back at certain details of those glorious nights fondly and nostalgically, so I'm glad we had a wedding and can always look back on it as a marker to start our lives together. We need to put down these markers sometimes, as opposed to putting down markers for days where I was just at the office living a mundane life.
Fantasize on,
Robert Yan
Sunday, September 1, 2019
Princess Disease (公主病, 공주병)
Princess disease is common in Asian societies, usually attributed to girls who are overly narcisstic and need to be treated like a princess. Probably because their parents (mainly fathers) overindulged them and they got used to a certain life style. Another term in the Chinese commonly understood slang of the last 10 years, right up there with and "good person card" (see previous post).
MJ and I went to Hot Pot today in Cary, NC (a prominent suburb of the Raleigh/Durham area) at a Chinese hot pot, and they warned us to not waste food by warning us against being "leftover women" ("剩女"). Pretty funny Chinese pun, as in don't be a girl who has too much leftovers on her plate, but in common vernacular it means a woman's who is left over after other candidates were selected and is still single. Yes, Chinese people have puns too! The whole idea of "leftover women" is a little sexist, and MJ would definitely reject the idea. Why do women HAVE to find a partner? Why is finding a mate before a certain age such a stressful endeavor for women? And why is it focused on "leftover women" and not "leftover men?" (Maybe because men don't have a magic age for finding a partner and are allowed by society to be older than the women and that being a "healthy" relationship as opposed to the woman being too much older than the men being frowned upon?) In fact, one of my big fears when I was single and struggling to find a girlfriend was that I would be a leftover man, especially with the perceived trend of Asian women being partnered with Caucasian men, etc. Luckily I was able to find MJ before I got left too far over!
Anyway, MJ definitely doesn't have princess disease, and I'm not sure why the Koreans/ Chinese have focused on women as having the spoiled child personification. I've actually met quite a few male friends who I would consider as having "prince disease." They must have the best things all the time, question me when I don't get the best thing, and go out to really fancy restaurants together when they know other people will pay part of or the entire bill. And they're not appreciate by returning the favor. So yes, just like there can be leftover men, there can be men with prince disease. Apparently one of the main causes of princess disease was the rise of the "Four Asian Tigers" (Taiwan, S. Korea, Singapore, and Hong Kong) during the 1960's to 1990's that allowed those regions to amass great wealth and have beneficiaries of that boom time to have kids used to a certain higher expectation of life. In a sense, I was lucky that I was born into pretty rough conditions when I was a child; I didn't have great expectations. Just like I started off getting great grades in school so my parents always expected me to get great grades, if I had started with such a luxurious life I'd have had no place to go but down; instead my socioeconomic journey has been a steady climb forward, so that I can fulfill the pauper-to-prince story, instead of the prince-to-prince story, which no one finds interesting.
Fantasize on,
Robert Yan
MJ and I went to Hot Pot today in Cary, NC (a prominent suburb of the Raleigh/Durham area) at a Chinese hot pot, and they warned us to not waste food by warning us against being "leftover women" ("剩女"). Pretty funny Chinese pun, as in don't be a girl who has too much leftovers on her plate, but in common vernacular it means a woman's who is left over after other candidates were selected and is still single. Yes, Chinese people have puns too! The whole idea of "leftover women" is a little sexist, and MJ would definitely reject the idea. Why do women HAVE to find a partner? Why is finding a mate before a certain age such a stressful endeavor for women? And why is it focused on "leftover women" and not "leftover men?" (Maybe because men don't have a magic age for finding a partner and are allowed by society to be older than the women and that being a "healthy" relationship as opposed to the woman being too much older than the men being frowned upon?) In fact, one of my big fears when I was single and struggling to find a girlfriend was that I would be a leftover man, especially with the perceived trend of Asian women being partnered with Caucasian men, etc. Luckily I was able to find MJ before I got left too far over!
Anyway, MJ definitely doesn't have princess disease, and I'm not sure why the Koreans/ Chinese have focused on women as having the spoiled child personification. I've actually met quite a few male friends who I would consider as having "prince disease." They must have the best things all the time, question me when I don't get the best thing, and go out to really fancy restaurants together when they know other people will pay part of or the entire bill. And they're not appreciate by returning the favor. So yes, just like there can be leftover men, there can be men with prince disease. Apparently one of the main causes of princess disease was the rise of the "Four Asian Tigers" (Taiwan, S. Korea, Singapore, and Hong Kong) during the 1960's to 1990's that allowed those regions to amass great wealth and have beneficiaries of that boom time to have kids used to a certain higher expectation of life. In a sense, I was lucky that I was born into pretty rough conditions when I was a child; I didn't have great expectations. Just like I started off getting great grades in school so my parents always expected me to get great grades, if I had started with such a luxurious life I'd have had no place to go but down; instead my socioeconomic journey has been a steady climb forward, so that I can fulfill the pauper-to-prince story, instead of the prince-to-prince story, which no one finds interesting.
Fantasize on,
Robert Yan
Saturday, August 31, 2019
Baseball stadium (야구장, 棒球场)
August has been a long month, which makes sense considering it has the maximum amount of days, 31, but also because it has such long days (sun is up all the time). The old Japanese name for it is 葉月（はづき, , or Month of the leaves, because apparently it used to be associated with the time leaves started falling, but for me it's more appropriate to call it the long month, which was assigned to September of all months. August 31 was the last day this year for fireworks at Durham Bulls Stadium, significant because we live right outside the stadium and can see the fireworks going off on Friday and Saturday night, free entertainment and a reminder that this is one of the only things that goes on in a small town like Durham.
Visiting Bulls stadium reminded me of why I engaged in a 10-day baseball stadium trip in 2014: it's fun to go to each and every stadium, and each stadium has its own identify, its own unique characteristics, and minor league stadiums are even more intimate, and you can get much closer to the players than major league ballparks. Also, the $9.50 price of a ticket (on Saturday night no less!) is nice. In my opinion the best time for a baseball game is an evening game, right before sunset times. That way you can enjoy the feel of both day baseball and night baseball, you can see the lights come on and take effect, you can get awesome views of a glorious sunset from all parts of the stadium, and you can avoid the unrelenting heat of the sun bearing down on you in your seat. And you can possibly have fireworks at night! A perfect experience, which is what MJ and I got today on the last day of August. Oh, I should mention I don't like actually "sitting" at a baseball game, I view my ticket as just an admission ticket, not an assignment to a seat, because at any baseball game I'm active, I'm outside, it's like a walk in the park or a trip to Disneyland, I want to get to different angles, see the different concessions, etc. MJ and I didn't sit down a single time today at the game, nor did we use the restrooms, which probably would have ruined the experience. And we weren't the only Asian people in the stadium!
Visiting Bulls stadium reminded me of why I engaged in a 10-day baseball stadium trip in 2014: it's fun to go to each and every stadium, and each stadium has its own identify, its own unique characteristics, and minor league stadiums are even more intimate, and you can get much closer to the players than major league ballparks. Also, the $9.50 price of a ticket (on Saturday night no less!) is nice. In my opinion the best time for a baseball game is an evening game, right before sunset times. That way you can enjoy the feel of both day baseball and night baseball, you can see the lights come on and take effect, you can get awesome views of a glorious sunset from all parts of the stadium, and you can avoid the unrelenting heat of the sun bearing down on you in your seat. And you can possibly have fireworks at night! A perfect experience, which is what MJ and I got today on the last day of August. Oh, I should mention I don't like actually "sitting" at a baseball game, I view my ticket as just an admission ticket, not an assignment to a seat, because at any baseball game I'm active, I'm outside, it's like a walk in the park or a trip to Disneyland, I want to get to different angles, see the different concessions, etc. MJ and I didn't sit down a single time today at the game, nor did we use the restrooms, which probably would have ruined the experience. And we weren't the only Asian people in the stadium!
Sunday, August 25, 2019
Hardboiled
What has 4 letters. Sometimes 9 letters, but never has 5 letters. - A riddle I saw on someone's facebook post, which was also written on a signboard in front of a restaurant. Pretty clever marketing tool, to get people to think for a minute and attract eyeballs. Unfortunately sometimes provocative ones can get negative attention, like a restaurant's signboard here in Durham writing "Veganism is a big mi-steak." This sent off our vegan friend who cursed the restaurant and I'm pretty certain put a hex on the whole establishment, and we won't ever be going to that restaurant. Because of a signboard. Which is also why I take care when I post anything online anymore, including this blog, but especially on instagram and Facebook where anybody in the world can see it within seconds of posting. It's kind of an inhibition on free speech, but also attracts those who have strong opinions to broadcast their opinions, so that eventually only the strong opinions remain, and the moderate opinions stay in the background for fear of antagonism, and all that's left are neutral "I'm doing great!" posts, vacation posts, and pet photos.
MJ and I recently were unpacking in our new apartment and organizing our book collection, and I found books she owns very interesting, including "Hardboiled; Hard Luck" by Yoshimoto Banana. Banana is a great female writer whose works I read when I was just learning Japanese, so I have vivid memories of sitting in the library or at home reading one sentence of English and one sentence of Japanese to match the translations, all the while trying to follow the plot at the same time. Not an easy task if you're reading something mundane or boring. Luckily, Banana's (not her real name) writing really fits my tastes and usually has a very natural way of introducing her characters as well as delving into their mindsets and what they're thinking, as well as a bit of supernatural element (Hardboiled has ghosts and dreams), and also some flaw of the main character that they acknowledge. Great story-telling which makes me keep flipping the pages even when I'm getting tired of having to read the same page twice, in 2 different languages. It's one of the more memorable experiences of my language learning time, first in Japanese and now in Korean. (I once read Jurassic Park like that, which was quite a time trying to figure out all the dinosaur and DNA science names in Japanese).
Also, I like hardboiled eggs. MJ doesn't eat much meat nowadays which has rubbed off on me, but eggs are a nice replacement for protein and just for taste. Hardboiled egg and soy sauce (depending on the soy sauce) is one of my staple meals now. However, just like those vegan meals, they are not improving the smell of my farts any, and I feel like MJ and I have both worsened in that department since we met.
MJ and I recently were unpacking in our new apartment and organizing our book collection, and I found books she owns very interesting, including "Hardboiled; Hard Luck" by Yoshimoto Banana. Banana is a great female writer whose works I read when I was just learning Japanese, so I have vivid memories of sitting in the library or at home reading one sentence of English and one sentence of Japanese to match the translations, all the while trying to follow the plot at the same time. Not an easy task if you're reading something mundane or boring. Luckily, Banana's (not her real name) writing really fits my tastes and usually has a very natural way of introducing her characters as well as delving into their mindsets and what they're thinking, as well as a bit of supernatural element (Hardboiled has ghosts and dreams), and also some flaw of the main character that they acknowledge. Great story-telling which makes me keep flipping the pages even when I'm getting tired of having to read the same page twice, in 2 different languages. It's one of the more memorable experiences of my language learning time, first in Japanese and now in Korean. (I once read Jurassic Park like that, which was quite a time trying to figure out all the dinosaur and DNA science names in Japanese).
Also, I like hardboiled eggs. MJ doesn't eat much meat nowadays which has rubbed off on me, but eggs are a nice replacement for protein and just for taste. Hardboiled egg and soy sauce (depending on the soy sauce) is one of my staple meals now. However, just like those vegan meals, they are not improving the smell of my farts any, and I feel like MJ and I have both worsened in that department since we met.
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