Fatherhood

Being a father means a lot of things, but one of the more gratifying of those things is being able to hold a baby in my arms whenever I want, and the baby liking it. We're lucky that our baby always calms down when she is held by mom and me, but it's also complicated when she ONLY wants to be held by mom and me. There's really no other feeling in the world quite like having a live baby in your arms looking up at you and smiling, it makes all the difficult things like changing diapers, giving baths, waking up in the middle of the night, and showing up when she's crying worth it......at least for a little bit. Today, I tried out walking around outside with baby in a carrier, the next step in my evolution as a parent, and happy to report it's pretty simple: just don't bump into anything right in front of you. Oh and keep baby out of direct sunlight, my Korean wife is very quick to point out. It's actually safer to have baby in carrier than just holding her in my arms like I used to do, and so much easier on my arms when they're free to open doors instead of straddling the baby from the bottom. It does make me wonder, though, how much longer I can keep doing this, at what level weight do I just buckle under the pressure she's just too heavy? 35 pounds (double what she is now?) I am starting to admire those dads who put baby on their shoulders in the cowboy position. That's some real dediction and some real weight on one's shoulders. Part of fatherhood, of course, is also missing out on a lot of activities, can't have it all I suppose, but this weekend definitely drives home how much fun MJ and I had before having the baby; end of May was typically our weekend to get away, as it's usually sunny everywhere in the world, the days are long, and it's not too hot yet. MJ reminisced about all the fun we had in Italy 4 years ago, just getting out of the pandemic and getting out into the world, visiting 4 cities in 3 days (I know, doesn't seem possible but we had a layover in Amsterdam, then flew to Florence, then took trains the next 2 days to Rome and Venice, consecutively. A whirlwind trip full of gelatos, art museums, Roman history, and following Rick Stueves's guidebook. We were so free, so adventurous, so much energy. Now I can barely get myself out of the room what with the parent responsibilities but my hands are usually literally tied with holding a baby. I recently watched a Neflix TV series "4 seasons" with Tina Fey and Steve Carrell where they have that discussion about having kids versus going kids-free and having free time. It's really an impossible decision, and I envy those who can have both (lots of help and lots of money I suppose can allow you the luxury of both). For us normal folks, we just have to get all of those HIJINKS and SHENANIGANS of our childless years, "enjoy it" as much as we can (I never knew what others meant when they told me to do this, but now I can sympathize with that feeling of make good memories, because that's all you'll have after you become a parent) because becoming a parent is forever. It's perhaps fitting in my Jeopardy game that I got a $800 clue wrong (Back to school night, whatever that is) in the Parenting category: Jeopardy has a lot of rote memorization and word association, and other ways to get to the right response, but one of the best ways is to have experienced something, whether it's seen a red-tailed hawk, watched Bridgerton or Grey's Anatomy, read Harper's Bazaar, or....sometimes, you just have to be a Parent. (although, the $1000 clue that we all went blank on was "Joint custody," something not every parent has to go through). Parenting is not something that parents can easily describe to non-parents: yes you can quanity how much sleep you get, how much free time you're giving up, how much money the baby eats up (and poops up in diaper fees), but the other side of the calculus of becoming a father (or mother) and the unforgettable moments you experience is really hard to describe to someone who hasn't experienced it. You can describe a juicy steak, or the feeling of cold beer on a hot day, or walking through the streets of Rome and Colosseum (as we did 4 long years ago), but it's just best done, and nothing can replace actually being a parent. Try to enjoy. When you're not wiping the baby's butt and changing her diaper for the 8th time that day.