I'm ashamed to say one of my first memories in my life is coming home from pre-school (or some sort of educational institute) by myself but suddenly feeling something in my stomach like I couldn't hold it, walking while fighting the urge to go but slowly losing the battle and feeling the pain, then next thing I remember I was at home and our family's babysitter was cleaning me off due to having "lost control." That memory is a blur, I can't remember any people or any faces, any streets I took, or even the moment when I lost control, but the embarrassment and urgency of the situation apparently was so vivid that it stuck with me forever.
I've luckily been able to avoid repeating that childhood episode now that I'm an adult, but barely. There's been plenty of times I've been very close, and felt the pain and urgency, and No. 2 is really hard to fight off....who's to say some didn't leak out a little bit one time when I was desperately searching for a restroom? (It's a losing battle because walking usually coaxes the urge, compounding the problem). I've also been proud to say I've never peed my pants.....that is, until today....barely.
I've recently started donating platelets, but the first time I did it I apparently didn't drink enough water the night before leading up to the donation, so it took much longer for me to complete the process than other people, so the nurses suggested I make sure to do that next time. I heeded their advice this time.....but they didn't tell me that drinking all that water comes with a cost: remember platelet donors also have to sit still without getting up until the entire process is over. Therein lies the rub. The first hour went off swimmingly as I caught up on Disney+ shows (the one streaming subscription service I don't have, it seems like) with Avatar 2: The Way of Water and Marvel Comics introducing their newest ultra-villain of the MCU (Marvel Comics Universe) with the multiverse-traveling "Kang" in Ant Man and the Wasp: Quantamania, where I had an epiphany about how old I've become after seeing Kate from Lost (Evangeline Lilly) looking pretty old, although she still plays Michelle Pfeiffer and Michael Douglas's daughter in the movie, as opposed to Paul Rudd who never ages. (Oh except there was an "infiltration" event where the needle for my right arm went through my vein and didn't connect to the blood source, so it caused a bruise in my arm and extreme pain for a few minutes, but that didn't end up being the most unbearable part of the experience).
Like most bathroom emergencies, this one snuck up quietly, like a slow crescendo as my brain acknowledged that I needed to pee, but it wasn't desperate and I tried to block it out of my mind as they say it's worse if you keep thinkin about it. Five minutes later, I had no choice but to think about it: the pain wasn't going anywhere, and it was starting to get urgent. The screen at this donation center was spun away from me so I didn't know the amount of time left, but my internal clock told me I probably wasn't going to make it. On screen, Michelle Pfeiffer was explaining to her family why she had to lie to them about what she left behind in the quantum realm. Big mistake! Of course that lie is going to come back and bite you in the butt, haven't you ever watched thriller movies? That extra glass of milk I drank in the morning was also coming back to bite me in the butt too, apparently. I asked the nurse how much longer it was going to be......28 minutes. I wasn't going to last 28 minutes, so I "tapped out" proverbially, asking if I could just be released from my inner torture. "Well, it takes us 10 minutes to wind down the machine so that we can actually use what you donated, otherwise it will be a complete waste." OK, so 10 minutes. I can do 10 minutes right? The next 10 minutes were some of the most excruciating for just one part of my body (everything else felt fine), but my bladder was on fire. Thoughts of "what happens if I pee now here, how bad would it be" crept into my mind against my will. Luckily, the nurses I was assigned were friendly, (whereas the other millennial/Gen Z looking nurses helping the other nurses looked like they didn't want to be there on a Sunday) and I feel like they've probably seen someone on the verge of peeing their pants, so they braced for impact, shall we say, let me go right when the machine stopped, and directed me, stumbling and half-crazed, towards the nearest restroom.
I hope to never be in that sort of situation ever again. Public service announcement: Always know where your closest restroom is, and....if incapacitated, know when you can be freed to use your restroom. I can't imagine what would have happened had I let the dam burst today, I don't know if I could have looked anyone in the eye, there were blankets covering my whole body, I didn't have a change of underwear or anything, and there were about 10 or 11 women around me either as nurses or donors. I don't know how Antman and the Wasp beat Kang in the movie, but the obstacles they must have overcome were probably not as hard as the urge to pee obstacle I had to get through today.
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