The Scoville Scale was created to gauge the spiciness of peppers, and one look at the components of the scale is rather intimidating, from the baby spiciness levels of "banana pepper" and cubanelle" at the bottom of scale to escalating spiciness and redness of the color gradation used, the names get scarier like roller coaster rides, "Habanero," "Cayenne," the "Naga Viper" near the top, but at the very very top of the scale it's not even red anymore, it's black with something called "law enforcement grade" hinting that the peppers are so spicy they may be criminal, like "Carolina Reaper" and "Dragon's breath." Kind of a fun read unless I ever have to sample any of them (I don't). I'm already pretty overheated after just a few drops of Trader Joe's Habanero Hot Sauce, and even after consuming the vegan egg I eat it with (great combination, by the way) I can still taste the spiciness in other things I eat afterwards, and it really takes a few other dishes to drown it out.
If someone created a Scoville scale for the anxiety I feel when stocks are going down, there'd be similar gradation of totally relaxed at the bottom (when stocks are sailing along, 11-day winning streaks on the Dow, etc.) and it's Placid Bobby, versus the total confusion and disarray of the top levels of anxiety, "Panic Button" and "Desperation Mode." Oh yea, it's called the VIX, or volatility index, which nicely measures that fear and panic.
I also wish there was an ovulation scale for potential mothers who are trying to conceive, where there'd be a scale of "completely barren, no eggs forming yet" and on the day of ovulation, "96% fertile! Now's the time!" With all the apps on our phones, it's a wonder we haven't created these type of scale and alert system to do one of the most important things humans do in their lives: procreate. For someone who has important women in his life, I was blissfully unaware of how the ovulation process works; now as MJ and I are planning the process, I've gone from 0 to somewhere closer to 100 than zero in the process. Still fuzzy on the details, but apparently women are generally most fertile 12 to 14 days after the first day of their period.......BUT that's only if said lady is on a normal 28 day cycle, and even earlier if she's on a faster 21-day cycle or is just early that month. There's also the fact that the sperm doesn't have to arive exactly on time on the day of ovulation: it can be early and waiting there before the ovulation starts, sperm being able to survive up to 5-6 days apparently. So I kind of compare it to catching the train: there's a scheduled departure time, but me (the sperm/ passenger in this equation) can get there earlier and wait as long as it's not too early and lose patience, because the train will leave right on time when it's scheduled, and there's no getting on after it's left the station. Then again, the train might not get to the station on time neither, it can be late, OR it can be early, but instead of having to wait for the departure time like most train stations, the ovulation train doesn't wait for anybody and just leaves even if here's no passenger on board. (This is what I suspect happened to MJ and I this past month, the passenger arrived on time but the train had already left the station, unexpectedly). Luckily for us and potential parents everywhere, there's usually another train that comes the next month again (not infinitely though), and it's probably a good idea to have the passenger waiting at the station ready to go next time.
Fantasize on,
Robert Yan
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