Peer Pressure (또래 압력, 仲間からの圧力, 同辈压力)

 Charlotte North Carolina is a great city especially in the spring: cherry blossoms line the city line, parks are in full bloom, normally pedalbars are moving their way through the streets full of festive and boisterous customers, and the Nascar Hall of Fame....is available if you're a huge Nascar fame. (I did learn that a family called the Frances started NASCAR, which stands for National Association for Stock Car Auto Racing.....pit road, who drives the Home Depot car (Tony Stewart), and what all those fancy flags stand for, including the checkered flag meaning you win! 

Charlotte can still be enjoyed during a pandemic! Tons of lush golf courses, Freedom Park which is a splitting image of Echo Park in Los Angeles without all the homeless tents.... and lots of lots of nature trails. This weekend, I met up with my long-time childhood friend in Charlotte to enjoy a "guy's weekend," which made me forget some of the troubles of the pandemic but also reminded me of one of the features of pre-pandemic life: peer pressure. Over the years I've been able to learn how not to succumb to peer pressure, but it's definitely something I still cave to once in a while, especially with perceived "cooler" friends who make a compelling case. It's hard to say no when the whole group is pressuring yo to join in their activity, and you know they will talk behind your back if you let them go without you. 

Peer pressure is definitely more difficult to balance during a pandemic, especially with a bunch of people who have been vaccinated already, and I haven't.......choices people make are a lot of different without the proverbial cloud hanging over their head waiting to pour water on the parade. It's one thing to continue playing golf despite hearing thunder in the distance (and even seeing a strike of lightning touching down like Zeus being upset at us for indulging in our little games), but it's another thing to agree to go out to dinner. I had a strict agreement not to go to any bars, which I adhered to, but I had to bargain and negotiate Art of the Deal- style to go to a restaurant with open air seating or sit on the patio, especially when it was raining on and off! Even sitting outside, I was still a little reticent to take off my mask at the dinner table....will I look back at this moment as the exact time I opened Pandora's Box and let the evil virus into the castle walls? Sitting in the car is another incovenience....I tried opening the windows, but strong winds caused loud roaring to drown out any car conversation, and wearing the mask inside the car is burdensome, making the mask-wearing a 24/7 occurrence. At some point the spot behind my ears started to get sore from being stretched by the mask string all the time; I felt like my glasses-wearing days all over again, adding another accessory to my face. Then again, nurses and health care professionals usually have their masks on all the time in the hospital too, and they have to actually work, not enjoy the sights and sounds of 

Peer pressure with even the best and most trusted of friends is a delicate process without a pandemic, and there's even more rules without it. Pre-pandemic, the difficult decisions were whether to join in a game of beer pong, or sacrificing one's time doing something others want to do but you don't necessarily enjoy, but just taking one for the team. (I find that even if I don't like it sometimes it becomes a fun activity just being around friends and participating).Ultimately, though, (at the end of the day) I am an adult and can make my own decisions, and friends should respect why I sit out an activity and being a party pooper. 

Fantasize on, 

Roert Yan 

Washing Dishes (설거지, 皿洗い, 洗碗)

In the modern age of automating everything and machines replacing human labor, I stand firm at least on one front in the human resistance against the machines: dish washing. 

I'm not the cleanest person in the world (far from it) and I'm not OCD about anything, but I do like finishing up a task and wrapping everything up before leaving the scene, leaving everything ready to go before the end of the day so I can wake up the next day with a clean desk, or a clean table to eat at, or at least start the next day upset at my previous self for putting off work from the night before in a constant cycle of procrastination and self-loathing. I'm not the best dish-washer (MJ finds spots that I miss all the time), but I'm a consistent one, and I don't mind getting the dirtiest and grossest spots even if it means my hands end up being collateral damage. In fact, I find it to be rather cathartic to finish off each dish and make progress one by one towards finishing the alloted portion, like being the last station on an assembly line and performing the process that leads to the widget (I like to think of it as putting the icing on the cake) being ready for sale to the customer. It's the same as my regular day job: when I finish the task that I've been assigned to for the day, a giant weight is lifted off my shoulders and I know I can turn the page and focus on another task, or watch the next episode of The Good Place on Netflix, a show starring Kristen Bell and Ted Danson that was previously unbeknownst to me but very quirky and weirdly addicting. The feeling is also like literally turning a page in a book, knowing I've progressed another page, setting my marker down to mark the territory, and attacking the brand new page with vigor. Except I guess dishwashing is washing the same dishes over and over again with no real progress, but I do enjoy doing it while listening to podcasts so that adds to the soothing effect of it. 

Not that many people like dish-washing: it's often cited as a cause of marital stress because presumably neither spouse wants to do the dishes; it's always more fun and glorious to be the one making the dishes, being chef and controlling how the food looks and tastes like....that's why new restaurant workers start as dishwasher and work their way up to chef. And it's got to be at least part of the reason customers will stomach a hefty dinner tab and even paying for tip: you don't have to clean up. 

There are actually some real techniques to learn in dish-washing, depending on the sponge that you use. MJ and I use pots and pans a lot that get particles stuck on them which are hard to scrape off; this Herculean task can be facilitated by letting the dish soak in water for an hour or more to soften it up. Getting a drying rack instead of drying each individual item with a cloth or dry towel is key; saves a large chunk of time. And to avoid micro-managers like MJ who inspect dishes later on with a keen eye for specks of leftover material, give the dishes a once-over yourself before declaring them done; I often find that despite my best efforts to rub it down thoroughly there's a patch of soap still remaining or worse, some food somewhere. 

Today I learned that CTE stands for Chronic traumatic encephalopathy! It's a good thing to know about but sad thing to dig deeper and know how many people have it. I regularly wear down my eyes by reading in the dark (although Ken Jennings's book asserts that reading in the dark doesn't really damage eyesight and it's a myth) and damage my knees by running long distances, but the brain is the most important resource we have and should be kept protected at all costs, like Secret Service agents protecting Joe Biden (code name Celtic) or offensive linemen protecting the QB, to stick with the football analogy. Sleeping and letting the brain "reset" allows us to reset our moods and keep everything in balance, from violence to bodily functions to emotions and memories (like clearing cookies from our digital cache). I can't imagine jeopardizing that process and having it glitch, or just forgetting things constantly (I already forget enough things as it is!) 

Fantasize on, 

Robert Yan 

Sinecure

 A sinecure, according to the Oxford English Dictionary, is a position requiring little or no work but giving the holder status or financial benefit. It comes from the Latin, sine cura, meaning wthout care. That's what most of this generation aspires to be, myself included. There's just so many distractions and things to get obsessed about (art, movies, outdoor activities, camping, video games, etc.) and so many things available now that doing hard, honest work has become less of a priority and simply making enough money to finance the preferred activities using the least amount of time and effort is the goal. Maybe once upon a time, in a land far far away, people took pride in their own work and valued the fruits of very hard labor more than the money they received, but now I feel that the tide has shifted: it's much easier and efficient to be a sinecure. 

MJ's nursing program have many people who aspire to make the most money possible with the least amount of bedside nursing possible (bedside nursing is the harder, more physical work of dealing with the patient). I don't blame them, as the one unspoken agreement in choosing one's profession, but the reason that never gets spoken in job interviews is: "I want a job that pays well," or "I want a job that pays the most money."  Many of these jobs also happen to allow for less interaction with clients and the "get your hands dirty" kind of work. I applaud MJ for entering an industry where there is a lot of work to be done and making a tangible impact on the well-being of people and receiving relatively low financial benefit. It seems to me at some point that those professions that everyone wants will become saturated and the demand for those services will suppress the wages for those jobs, so it may be prudent to "zig" while everyone else is zagging to avoid the traffic jam. 

But even more than nurses and those in the medical experience, lawyers and corporate workers tend to be the biggest sinecures. CEOs! Everyday citizens who have a traditional nine-to-five job must detest the white-collar workers with the big fancy titles working at big fancy buildings (well, before the pandemic) that they get to from their big fancy houses with their big fancy (now electric) cars while taking home a big fancy paycheck. It really is kind of amazing how human society has evolved from rewarding the most courageous hunters and manual laborers (farmers) who put their bodies and lives on the line to now rewarding people who sit in the executive board rooms and conduct meetings and meet with clients. Does seem kind of like what kings used to do, sit on the throne and enjoy the fruits of others' labor. 

Ideally financial incentives will change in a way that allow the hardest jobs to be rewarded financially the most, and the least strenuous jobs to be rewarded the least (perhaps machines will facilitate that process, but then again machines are eliminating replacing manual labor jobs that usually require a lot physical labor, so it's not making the dsired effect), but until then, more and more people will be making the rational decision for them and choosing the path of least resistance that leads to the largest pot of gold. (That's where Youtubers and social media sensations come from! Shortcut to become famous and make riches by looking nice on a beach!) 

막상막하 (Neck and Neck)

 I've done some philosophical thinking as to why I like March Madness and I came to the conclusion that it combines some of my favorite things: Colleges and Universities, basketball, and close competition. I have this weird interest in visiting colleges around the United States and will often make a college one of the "stops" on a trip to a new city, like visiting MIT in Boston, or University of Chicago when in Chicago. On these trips I like to feel the ambiance of the city, remember what city the college is located in, and know their mascot/team name. And it's not even restricted to Ivy League schools or nationally known schools: To MJ's slight annoyance, we stopped at UNC-Charlotte (49ers!) on the way to IKEA, or UC-Santa Barbara (Gauchos) on the way to the beach, Pepperdine (Waves) everytime we take the US-101 Malibu scenic route, or even the small oasis in an urban surrounding Santa Monica College (Corsairs!) where MJ took some classes on her way to nursing. I've watched enough March Madness over the years to know most of the Division I schools in the country, even the obscure ones from the Horizon League or Conference USA, but I still get pleasantly surpried by new information like the St. Bonaventure Bonnies are in New York state or amused that University of North Texas is nicknamed the "Mean Green." 

Basketball is self-explanatory, but I always associate basketball with college, where I played the most pick-up basketball at the health center, but also where students were avid about their sports teams (Illinois was a basketball school). To this day I prefer the collegiate atmosphere and intimate setting of a college game including the student section (it could be that I just got better seats and enjoyed the experience more) rather than the more corporate feel of pro games, $20 beer and $7 hot dogs. 

Most likely, though, I love the competitive nature of March Madness, where any game can go down to the wire, neck and neck, with everything on the line as both teams know it's a one-game playoff (not best of 7 like the NBA) and there's a level of urgency to every possession, especially since most college teams only score 60-70 points. Every TV network would love if a game were close, but it's even more important for March Madness when there's no star power like Lebron James to carry people's attention. What March Madness has going for it, though, is the relatively shorter length of the games, divided into halves instead of quarters for less interruptions, and especially on opening weekend, a bunch of other games going on at the same time with equally close scores. That's the essence of March Madness, is when multiple games are coming down the stretch in the second half going back and forth, but another game is just as close at the same time, giving fans opportunity cost anxiety and FOMO trying to decide what to watch at the same time. I doubt the Bachelor and American Idol give you that effect ( I might be dating myself, maybe the better analogy nowadays is "Dancing with the Stars" and "The Masked Singer?") Then again, the fans of thoe shows may not enjoy the blood-rushing-to-head thrill of a game going down to the wire and the game being decided by one possesion, one shot. That's the type of game I savored as a player (of recreational league dodgeball), but also as a fan.......everybody wins. It's also the type of game I love on Jeopardy.......not the runaway games where one competitor far outpaces his/her competitors like Ken Jennings did during his epic run, but the back-and-forth answering among all 3 competitors as their point totals gradually build up, often with the added tension of who's going to find the Daily Double, an artificial but ingenius TV plot device to swing the outcome of a game dramatically, like if during a basketball game suddenly there was the ability to complete a 10-point or 20-point play. I can see how the TV shows are luring me in, but I can't help it: I'm a sucker for neck-and-neck games. 

Fantasize on, 

Robert Yan 

The Great British Baking Show

 Reality TV isn't all bad and doesn't always make you feel dumber by the end of the episode! MJ and I recently picked up a new show on Netflix called the Great British Baking Show, one of the most straightfoward titles I can think of. (Jeopardy could be renamed the Great American Trivia Show without too much dropoff, IMO) Amateur contestants around Britain (and really all of the UK, as there is a guy from the Shetlands on there, which is in the Northern Isles of Scotland, where Scotland in itself is one of the components of the United Kingdom, which I shamefully just learned about recently) who bake! It turns out that baking is not as easy just buying Nestle cookie dough from the store, cutting them into pieces, placing them on a tray, and placing them in the oven. That's definitely part of the process, but lot of other steps in between as well as style and flavor and presentation. Ah, the presentation. The viewers can't taste the food from the show, but we can definitely see it in all its glory, and some of the baked goods (cakes, tarts, bagels) just look lovely. I learned what an upside down cake is! I learned that bread can be "braided" into "plaits" just like MJ does her hair into an artistic pattern, but the plaiting can be a devil of a process of going over and under and over and under like knitting. There's a reason I received a C in Home Economics in 6th grade (my only C ever, in high school, college, or even law school!) Grade inflation is definitely something to watch out for, because I don't think I'm the only one who's almost never got a C and rarely saw a B. If everyone gets an A (a common occurrence in MJ's nursing program apparently), how does one differentiate between the top students? It also devalues the A. I say now that I if I were ever to become a teacher I'd be tough on grades and give out harsh criticism (the job of a Simon Cowell-like Paul Hollywood on the Great British Baking Show), but I'm sure the "Me Me"/ Snowflake Generation coupled with helicopter/ snowplow parents would make me see the light and change my ways. 

Unfortunately, the world is not as happy and go-lucky as everything on the GBBS (there are pictures of castles, cottages, idyllic scenery, ducks, upbeat music, and grazing downland sheep) and gun violence/ mass shootings are back after seemingly taking a bit of a break during the pandemic. The shooter in Atlanta who killed 8 people at massage businesses has become a trending topic unfortunately and being pointed to as the epitome of the hate against Asian Americans. I appreciate this recognition that Asian Americans are suffering too during the pandemic especially due to the false accusations that we somehow Asians have to do with creating the Covid-19 pandemic, but racism against Asians has been occuring way before the Atlanta shooting or before Covid-19, and it shouldn't take these 2 extreme events to recognize that. I take the Altanta shooting more as a reminder of why easy access to guns is so dangerous, especially when it ends up in the hands of the wrong people as it so often does in this country (I can't imagine how many psychos there are now who just got out of playing days and days of first-person shooter games in their basement possibly triggering more violent urgers), and hate against any kind of people, short people, brown people, black people, gay people, women, and Asian people should all be removed to prevent them being a trigger for another mass shooting. 

Fantasize on, 

Robert Yan 

노심초사 勞心焦思 (Worrying deeply)

 There's a phrase in English called "No sweat," or "Don't sweat it," which means don't worry too much about something and just let it happen, don't stress about it. MJ sweats a lot, figuratively (but also literally because when she worries her hands get sweaty and "clammy"), and it's perpetual......a job interview that is 2 weeks away will make her unable to sleep well or make her constantly worried all throughtout the day. What a difficult way to live! 

I have similar worries, but I've learned to tried to let go a bit and go exercie or o omething fun for awhile and forget. I don't use alcohol as a way to forget, but engaging in some activity with 100% concentration usually does the trick, like dodgeball used to do before the pandemic. (Also a surefire way to forget small details about dodgeball like a shirt). Have a bad stock market day? Stop logging into cnbc.com or my Etrade account for the rest of the day and just focus on work, as the market is usually only open during business hours anyway. (I violate my own rule when the market goes deep in the red, like exactly one year ago in the depths of the pandemic when the Dow lost 3000 points in a single day!!!! and the Nasdaq lost 12% in a single session). Yea, those would be kinda times to focus on the market and make sure the end of the world is not nigh. 

I do think it is important to take time out of the day just to think and reflect, ponder one's place in the world, but you should be thinking about the right things, not just aimlessly worrying oneself into a puddle of tears and anxiety, creating even more regret about the worrying itself. Our mental capacities only have so much capacity and room to fit in so many things per day, so might as well fit in as much useful knowledge or positive thoughts as possible. 

As March Madness rolls around and the NCAA tournament begins, as well as fantasy baseball drafting season, I've come to realize how much emphasis I put on rankings and how the rankings affected my outlook on things, and gradually I've begun to feel rankings are overrated. I loved rankings because they were a way to sort a long list of items numerically, to give some order to a sequence and objectively say, this team is better than another, or this school is better than the other. I was pretty obsessive about law school rankings when I applied for law school, because, well, that's one of the only objective ways of measuring a school's value compared with other schools and help determine whether I should go there or not. I also knew that other people are also looking at the US News rankings, so it becomes a generally accepted standard. What I didn't factor in was that the rankings weren't tailored specifically for me and didn't put weight on the specific factors I valued more, like employment rate, ability to get hired in a big city like Los Angeles, how many people at big law firms were alumni of that specific law school, how the hiring partners at those ideal big law firms viewed people from those schools. The rankings also CHANGE, they're dynamic, so if you're forward-looking you should try to predict how those rankings may evolve over time and get the best value based on that change. (It's kind of like fantasy baseball, if Mike Trout is rated No. 1 now but Kyle Tucker is ranked No. 10 now, I should prefer Mike Trout, but if I think in this next year Kyle Tucker will move to No. 5 based on his performance and Mike Trout will move to No. 4, I should probably pick Tucker based on that upward trend and the fact I can get less for him now but get more value out of it than pay top dollar for the universally liked Trout. Hope that made sense). Rankings are usually also based on PAST performance, where statistics and numbers can be crunched to form a value. They do not necessarily predict the future. 

In general, I just think that rankings should just be used as a tool, not the definitive verdict on how one should view 2 different choices. Importantly, you should make your own rankings, not just use someone else's own who has a totally different perspective on the subject matter. So when you're filling out your March Madness bracket this year (first time in 2 years we've been able to do it, a joyous feelng!) Don't just pencil in the higher seed mindlessly without checking the actual resume of the team next to the seed! Go Illinois Illini! I-L-L! I-N-I! 

Fantasize on, 

Robert Yan 

Human Body (인간의 몸, 人体)

 It's suprising to me that as miraculous of an organism as the human body is, more attention isn't paid to it in general society, more than just the children's song level equivalent of "hands, figures, hips toes." I, for one, know very little about the endocrine system, the jugular veins, the diaphragm (causes hiccups!) the metatarsals (in the feet!) and the patella (kneecap), even though I feel like that should be general knowledge. It was only until MJ injured her leg and had to repair her tibia that I understood how delicate even something so strong-sounding like legs are and realized the fragility of human beings. Also, MJ took a class in anatomy as a prerequisite to nursing school which gave me some inspiration to catch up to her.......and of course I'm constantly reminded (about every episode and a half) how incompetent I am at the human body category (that and the Bible and music/songs categories). 

Especially with the advent of the pandemic and the coronavirus this past year, I would have thought books and articles about the human body would get a lot of traction, given everyone's extra allotted time at home. Kind of like the bump in attention that the book "1984" received in 2013 after Edward Snowden's revelation that the government is essentially spying on us, or the bump in books like "Fahrenheit 9/11" after the War on Terrorism. Instead, I think most Americans at least focused more on conspiracies, or whether masks work or not, the history of viruses, and death counts more than how the human body processes viruses and other diseases. We take our bodies for granted that we WON'T get diseases and just spontantaneously combust or run into other problems, but the human body actually works really really hard every day to make sure we're healthy, producing antibodies, using white blood cells, preventing zits (some bodies work better than others in this department), and just making sure our hearts continue pumping all the time (this is vitally important). I can't think of a single thing I've ever done for a 24-hour period straight without doing anything else in between (even sleeping!) but the heart does it 24/7, all day every day! Maybe if we knew how hard the body is working for us we would make sure to treat it like a baby and give it love and attention in the form of healthy food, ample sleep, at least some exercise every day, and minimal tobacco/alcohol/harmful substances, but of course no one likes preachy material and people don't like others telling them what to do, even something as mundane as wearing a mask. 

It is kind of cool though that we can monitor generally how we are doing, as MJ does with her trusty stethoscope that she carries around at the hospital and at home. Other reliable ways unfortunately have to do with the digestive system and observing one's poop and pee to see if they are irregular color or unusual smells, the dark side of gauging one's health. Also, there's apparently a cancer-sniffing dog that can detect cancer just by smelling a patient's breath? Seems much more useful than the drug-sniffing dog at the airport! 

I also feel lucky that we live in the times that we do now (other than this whole pandemic business) and not, say, any time in the world's history older than than the last 100 years. In the early 1900's the average life span was like 47 years, meaning I'd on average only have 14 more years to live! Really devastating if one of those years was spent locked down in a pandemic. As for the pandemic, it is pretty interesting to read articles on how the virus spreads and is transmitted from one human being to the next. Scientists still aren't completely sure about the causes and droplets in the air and being outside in open air and whether sunlight kills the virus, but it doesn't seem to spread, as some first thought, through surfaces and touching different places. MJ still wants me to wash my hands and gets upset when I touch different areas ( and she likes to kick open doors Chuck Norris cowboy-style to avoid touching them), but I'll continue being careful with my hands because pre-pandemic I was definitley way too loose about touching things and eating (it's a good thing I did these things as a kid too to build up a strong resistance, which is actually what some of the science suggests- don't make everything too clean for a baby/small child because they won't be able to build up resistance to dust, diseases) etc. and letting our powerful immune system develop properly. The human immune system- the eighth wonder of the human world. 

Fantasize on, 

Robert Yan 

과유불급 (Too Much of a Good Thing)

 A tremendously useful observation about life is a Korean idiom literally translated as "Too much is as bad as too little." It's usually used for the lesson of not being too greedy, which is true not to drink too much alcohol, eat too much junk food, or be on social media too much. The last 2 kind of go together......social media, the Internet, and all of the sensory overload media these days is a lot like junk food: it tastes good and once we get a bit of it we want more, so you keep consuming, and before you know it an hour as passed and you've consumed the whole thing and feel awful. At first all the positives about the internet were accentuated when we could access a whole universe of information right at our fingertips and connect with friends instantaneously, then (gasp!) we could even upload videos and become our own TV star or singing sensation. All these things were great as a complement to our daily, "healthier" life habits like studying in school, reading books/newspapers, working out (the "veggies and other daily food groups" in this analogy), but just like junk food eventually the social media and videos begin to take over, humans want more and more of it, and you end up only eating junk food so that it becomes the routine, a way of life. Except now when you're only eating junk food, veggies and fruits and other mundane foods seem bland and uninteresting, and it's hard to go back when you have JUNK FOOD! Going back to the healthy lifestyle is much harder than devolving into the junk food one. A smart analogy examining dystopian societies (which feeds into my current obsession with all things trivia) that I've read in a few places is that George Orwell was worried about future societys  society that restricted everything and watched your every move in his famous novel 1984, authoritarian governments depriving us of any joy in our life representing the fear of havng "too little," but what some feel like we've become as a society is the world of Aldous Huxley's "Brave New World," where everyone is allowed to do whatever they please and blasted with sensations and the need to consume, especially the happiness-producing drug called soma. Our society gets blasted with too many little shots of soma every day- a cool cat video here gives us a boost, 6 minutes later a text from a friend with a response-inducing tweet, a 15-second slam dunk highlight here.....We have too many of these, in this case it's too much of a good thing ("Too much is as bad as too little.") 

One of the things we have too much of (and another complaint about society, becoming a trend for me lately) is making public comment on social media that can easily be just private comments. Dull old me didn't really understand why people had to be so transparent about everything on facebook or Twitter or Instagram, but now I get the picture: it's mostly done to make someone feel good. For example, Meyers Leonard, an NBA basketball player for the Miami Heat, just was suspended due to an anti-semitic slur he used while playing video games (another "too much" soma-like junk food item) on a live video game food (why do people insist on posting videos of themselves playing video games?) and Julian Edelman, an NFL wide receiver, published an open letter basically denouncing the anti-semitic slur but then educating and saying, "let's go down to Florida and go get something to eat sometime," basically implyng they'd talk it over and have a discussion. Seems nice and well-intentioned, but why did it have to be an open letter? Is it really necessary to invite someone to have lunch nowadays but let millions of other people know about it? It was a very professional letter, made to make one look good....and therein lies the secret of social media: it exists to make oneself look good, a 24/7 advertisement (even though there are real ads already) of the most important person there is: yourself. This letter is just one of so many examples of people purportedly trying to help a situation or talk to someone, but instead it's just more about making themselves look good. I definitely do things to make myself look good, and certainly when I write emails, speak to others I'm also trying to put my best foot forward, but the difference is that's not my MAIN purpose, I actually trying to see how a friend is doing, communicating ideas, etc. Social media, Youtube channels, and TikTok feeds are more and more transparently just being used as ads for individual people.......but we're just eating it up, like some really addicting junk food. 

Fantasize on, 

Robert Yan 

U-G-L-Y Searching for an Alibi

 I watched an episode of "Real Time" with Bill Maher where he and another guest host debated the idea of reparations with Charlemagne tha God (not familiar with Mr. Charlemagne's work, but he struck me as hard to take seriously due to his name alone, although in music circles it's definitely catchy like "Bad Bunny" or "Lil' Wayne." Charlemagne's point was that American's original sin was the taking of slave from Africa, so the African American descendants of those slaves deserve some sort of cash reparations, whereas Bill's point was that the money would be going to descendants of slaves who aren't the one who suffered from the atrocities of the time of slavery, and the money would be better served supporting education programs and things like healthcare which would disproportionaly benefit the African American community and help them advance in society. They also addressed the political infeasiblity of reparations in that there would never be enough votes in Congress to pass it, but also related to that is how unpopular reparations are in America: giving a straight cash handout to a select portion of the population based on their race (ideally reparation would be targeted towards those who are direct descendants, but how do you determine through family trees what percentage of their bloodline was a descendant) might actually cause more racism towards African Americans due to the 

Personally, I've always appreciated the logic of a "let's not see race, let's just see people for who they are." I seem to remember being taught that as a child, but nowadays society seems to be shifting away from that message to help "equalize" the races by pulling some up for historic discrimination. 

I also belong to a group that's been historically discriminated against: ugly/not good-looking/ aesthetically challenged/insert euphemism here people. I've been discriminated against for being Chinese/ Asian as well, but no one talks about the discrimination against ugly people because it would require ugly people to identify themselves to gather together, and not many brave soul want to "come out" as ugly. 

The color of one's kin is one of the first things others see about a person, but so is his/her appearance. I'm no exception; I evaluate how attractive someone is within the first few seconds, it's part of the "first impression." Admittedly, being ugly doesn't have any seriously negative effects like being profiled by the police or having one's life in jeopardy due to violence, but in so many minor ways it matters a lot. Especially early on in one's life, one gets picked on, or in dating when being "matched" on a dating profile, or sitting at an in-person interview, studies have shown that between equally qualified applicants for a job the more attractive person is much more likely to be offered the job. 

I distinctly remember the time when my friend invited me to meet with a "matchmaker service," and the matchmaker told my friend (good-looking guy) that he was the right kind of person she wanted to set people up with, and then didn't talk to me afterwards at all. Or how law school colleagues hesitate to have me go with them to bars in LA except as a designated driver. (People want to associate with better-looking people as a social status statement, just like rich people want to associate with people richer tham them). No one ever said anything direct like "you're just not attractive enough," but that's one of America's (and really, the world's) biggest unspoken prejudices: we just don't want to do with you because you don't look good. I went to a Big Brother casting call (back in my reality TV aspirations day), waited 2 hours in a long line to be "evaluated" by the casting director, was asked one question, and was sent out the door immediately in less than 30 seconds.) There's tons of other lessons I've learned throughout life about being judged for how I look, but that was the most jarring and representative. 

One of the big thing about the racism conversation is a non-black person will never know how a black person feels, which makes sense: I can only imagine, or read stories about, but I won't ever have to live that experience of being a black person and being profiled. I feel the same way about U-G-L-Y: attractive people will say "you just gotta have more confidence" or "act indifferent, don't try to care so much" without acknowledging that part of their "confidence" or "game" is just how they look. Confidence is gained by having something succeed before, and often U-G-L-Y people never achieve success, thus not able to gain the confidence that is supposedly required. And playing the "game" of dating or interviewing for jobs or other social interactions doesn't reset when you fail or wake up the next game: you get deal the same hand every day of your life, and you can never feel what it's like to be that exotic-looking guy with great genes who guys and girls all want to talk to just because he exists, and he'll never know what it's like to be U-G-L-Y. You won't read any articles in the newspaper about appearance discrimination or be hailed as the leader of the anti-appearance discrimination movement, even though it exists and permeates every social interaction humans have. 

Luckily, though, it's not all bad news for U-G-L-Y people: eventually all people become U-G-L-Y in their old age (Joe Biden was very studly, I'm told, in his youth), there are certainly worse things in life to be born of like alcoholism, serious diseases, and other genetic diseases, and if you eventually meet the partner of your dreams who doesn't care how you look (MJ is one in a million!) you can live a great life! And as a fellow U-G-L-Y representative, I feel I've developed into a well-rounded person who has perspective on life without being conceited or buy into all the social pressures, all while understanding what's important in life. Also, I'm told that P-R-E-T-T-Y people have to brush away a lot of "flies" and it gets exasperating having to reject people and turn them away, and they eventually have to settle down with just one person anyway (I won't get into open relationships). 

Fantasize on, 

Robert Yan 

Waiting in the weeds ( 호시탐탐 虎視眈眈)

The Chinese and Korean languages both share may animal imagery idioms, but ones that involve tigers/cats are especially eye-catching. "Hoshidamdam" means literally "a tiger waiting for its chance to prowl" (usually to procure its next meal), but it's a fitting expression for waiting for one's opportunity to do something. 

MJ is currently waitin for an opportunity at her first official nursing job, and the familiar feeling of nervous job searching has commenced. I know the finally. After so many years of education and attending classes, training, discussion groups, quizzes, exams, clinicals, it's time to cash in on that investment (or "sweat equity," a fairly new term to describe hard work) and turn it into a real job. It really is like a tiger in the great jungle that is the job market, each new job that pops up is like the sighting of a deer, rabbit, or other wild animal that the tiger identifies as its prey, seeing it as an opportunity. 

I always have this fantasy that all my life has been preparation for something bigger, where all the skills I've accumulated in my life have led me to one moment that will allow me to unleash them in one glorious wave of accomplishment and fulfillment. Oops, that's actually the premise of the Disney animated movie "Soul," which MJ and I watched tonight. In some ways, I do sympathize with the main character, who has loved music and specifically jazz his whole life waiting to become a jazz musician with a band, and when he finally scores a gig, he (spoiler alert) passes away, falling into a Manhattan manhole, of all the horrible ways to die. That is probably a very visceral fear for people like me who've been investing time and energy into long-term endeavors (for me, it's learning multiple language) or especially people in medical school, PhD programs, and other long-long-term endeavors........when will all the waiting in the weeds pay off, and will it ever pay off before the world changes or throws you for a loop? 

I've been waiting for the stock market to reach a bottom for a couple weeks of rampant selling and transitioning from speculative technology stocks into re-opening stocks.......many pros will tell you that the easiest money (and most, apparently) to be made is when things go from worse to just bad, when markets have oversold certain stock or assets way too much to where they're now undervalued, and at that point is when you can make the most money, like when the stock market hit rock bottom at the March 23, 2020 low point of the pandemic. The tricky part is when to spot that bottom, and pros also say not to try and "catch a falling knife," time the bottom, because there could be even more room to go down. There's also tons of false bottoms where the market will spring back up violently for a stretch, only to be sold off vigorously the next day just as hard and keep going lower. That's unfortunately where we are, IMHO, FWIW (in my honest opinion, for what it's worth, 2 acronyms that were on Jeopardy tonight) so more waiting in the weeds and being the patient tiger rather than the overeager beager is prudent. 

Another fantasy, of course, for any lover of trivia is that we are just waiting in the weeds learning about facts like Patty Hearst being aducted by the Symbionese Liberation Army, that the 3 territories (not provinces) in Canada are the Yukon, Northwest Territories, and Nunavut, and that EEG stands for electroencephalogram, which monitors electric activity of the brain, and that one day all those answers will be presented on the episode when you're a Jeopardy contestant and you'll remember all of them from studying all those times about trivial names and events. 

Fantasize on, 

Robert Yan 

The Gift of Gab

 One of oh so many things I miss doing pre-pandemic is talking to people. At first it was relieving to not be under pressure to explain to bosses, to carry on small talk with co-workers, to mix in at social gatherings; and what is conversation really nowadays anyway, especially with the wide world of the Internet avaiable at one's fingertips where one can express any opinion anywhere, even anonymously with no repercussions! After so many Netflix shows, Youtube videos, and work assignments, though, I wish it's not just March Madness I'm suffering from (yup, we're already one year from that fateful March 2020 where everything in the world changed) but general non-communication madness. I realize that talking isn't just my way to socialize and learn about other people and to tell my own story, it's also, oddly enough a stress relief and a affirmation of my ideas, where I can release all the thoughts that have been bubbling inside me out into the world, relieving a burden deep within me. Or I just like to hear myself talk, either one. I do not necessarily have the Gift of Gab, the ability to speak fluidly and fluently like great storytellers waxing poetically about an expereience they had or even a knowledgable expert discussing race theory or any number of substantive topics, but I do have the Gift of Keeping a Conversation Going, and I'm only now realizing I do miss that. 

It's evident in my daily calls to my workplace (we have a morning call and afternoon call since we work remotely, just to see how everyone is doing and report on any issues/ask any questions), and despite having nothing to ask and nothing to contribute, a part of me desperately wants to speak out, feel important, like I'm accomplishing something. Yet time and time again I let the moment pass, knowing it won't lead to a deep conversation. I appreciate the modern ways of communication among friends of texting in its simplicity and ability to be accessed anytime and addition of any number of emojis, memes, links to videos, etc., etc., but I also hate it for what it has replaced, especially during this pandemic: human interaction. I secretly crave anyone, almost anyone, to give me a call, just to chat and see how I am doing, without an obligatory "Happy Birthday" or "Happy New Year" on social media. I've become the desperate introvert who used to be an extrovert reminiscing about the glorious extrovert days, like working at a summer camp where I would use thousands of words each day calling out directions for playground activities, or at law school where I could converse freely with friends after class and it wouldn't seem weird like it is now to call someone out of the blue or fear that I'm interrupting their day. It's gotten so bad I want my sister to call me and talk about her latest Japanese anime drawing collection, or one of my old friends from elementary school who says some pretty rude things (our lives have diverged a bit) and just brazenly out of the blue the other day told me he makes more than I do, salary wise, a total non-sequitur that I felt attacked, even betrayed, in its "I am better-than-you" attitude. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is I guess why society frowns upon discussing salary and peronal financial matters with casual friends/acquitances. I'm still rattled by his statement even I shouldn't be (there's plenty of people I know who make more than me), and it's not helping that the past week's stock market action has wiped out a hefty chunk of my gains from 2020 (the recent technology stock sell-off and transition into cyclical stocks, aka the re-opening trade), hit me especially hard. I then took it out a little bit on MJ (although other factors contributed to that), who has been my only sounding board for real-life converation and perhaps my saving grace from being completely alone and going completely crazy, but even with the best food, we need a break once in awhile to consume other food groups, get some other perspectives. 

The apartment building, frustratingly enough, has these "social gatherings" or "pop-up cookie days," and we go through the concierge to pick up our packages, but no matter how often I try to initiate a conversation (obviously with social distancing I understand the constraints) it's like pulling teeth with the management here.......one-word answers, or a solicitation to help them out by filling out an online survey and give them good reviews. Guess what helps me give you a good review? If you at least act like my friend and talk to me, the resident living in your building who is paying the rent and in essence a part of your salary! We'll be moving out in June. 

Back my point though, I guess I just miss social interactions. I saw the other day on social media (big mistake to log on) some applauding big companies' expressed desire to stay virtual even after the pandemic is over. That would certainly be welcome news to cut out travel expenses and time spent in traffic, but for someone like me who cringes at solitude, it's a double-edged sword. Luckily, I don't think I've lost my touch for conversation throughout the pandemic, but who knows, I am getting older and past my athletic prime at least........will my conversational prowess be gone too? Hard to know until I get out there..... 

Fantasize on, 

Robert Yan