April 28, 2019: The Day of the Best TV series show episode ever? Game of Thrones Season 8, episode 3: The Battle of Winterfell. Cinematically and on a minute level certainly one of the best episodes of TV ever, time-wise and epic battle-scene wise nothing short of a movie, but from an overall story arc level, looking at it from 8 episodes worth of television that I've started since EIGHT years ago (2011), I've put in so much energy and devotion into this show, but (SPOILER ALERT!) the main villains of the entire show get wiped out in just one episode, the crucial blow dealt by a tomboy girl who couldn't wield a knife at the beginning of the show, didn't reveal more answers about the White Walkers because now they're wiped out, and few main characters died after 2 episodes of goodbyes building up to their likely demise. I feel, unfortunately, kind of disappointed. Not necessarily as bad as I felt after the last episode of LOST, but there's certainly a bit of feeling that this ending of the villains was a little cheap, that they died too easily, that the end didn't justify the means.
Anyway, I have a running joke with MJ about parasites, mainly because she gets attached to me (emotionally and physically) and won't let go, kind of like parasites attach to their hosts and drain the hosts' nourishment, etc. for their own good. Apparently, though, there are some parasites within the human body that are ultimately beneficial for the human body, in that they survive inside the body off of eating germs and other harmful substances, so in a "the enemy of my enemy is my friend" kind of way they do help humans. So parasites can have a good relationship with humans, and MJ can be a good parasite!
I do feel, in a more sobering thought, that I am part of a parasite of society, in that I take more than I give back. Many lawyers probably feel this way, but there is a good reason society views lawyers as "leeches," or "parasites...." lawyers in general feed off of others without really contributing much to society, at least litigation lawyers who handle cases, etc. Some lawyers turn into lawmakers, get deals done between organizations, etc., sure, but I'd say in most cases lawyers are just trying to get paid from clients' cases, and get a cut out of whatever the legal problem is, but at the same time pulling down society as a whole. For the amount of money that lawyers do to contribute nothing to society (or at least how the theory goes for me), they better contribute in other ways to society, but I don't think that lawyers do in a proportional manner, at least for the most part. Certainly there's some lawyers that are very benevolent with their time and money and put in pro bono and legal services hours, but not that many do, including myself. I need to give back to justify my parasitic ways!
But then again, if we're liberal with how we use the term "parasite," babies all begin as parasites too, as babies start in their mother's wombs and drain the mother of their resources. Babies start without any contribution to society (other than cute baby pictures and giving people hope!) and then gradually turn into excellent creatures. MJ and I are at the age where many of our friends are having babies and becoming pregnant, and we just found out today one of our close friends is pregnant! It is very inspiring to take that bold step of bringing a parasite into your home, one that won't have any contribution and can only be a cost for at least 10 years, but has infinite potential value. It's one of the things that separate humans from other creatures: our capacity to love, to sacrifice present value for future value, and to see value in parasites that eventually turn into butterflies (or productive humans, at least).
Fantasize on,
Robert Yan
Sunday, April 28, 2019
Wednesday, April 24, 2019
Life - (命) (생명)
A wise man (on the TV show The Wire) once said, "Life is the stuff that happens when you're waiting for moments that never come." I don't know about the negativeness of the "moments that never come" part, but the emphasis on the in-between, of mundane moments in life that define who oe is, is I think a big part of life.
Whenever people think about the meaning of life, it's usually some grand deed, like winning a championship in a sport, or writing the next great American novel, or becoming a parent and a grandparent, getting married, all very important events and worthy of being cherished, but those moments come far and in between. It's what we do in between those momentous days and moments (Matt Damon also said "Life is a series of moments" in Dogma, which also seems true) that sometimes define who we are. We spend most of our time a.) sleeping, in which nothing memorable happens especially dreams, which are hard to remember by design, and b.) working/studying/ doing mundane activities. We kind of just gloss over those everyday activities, but those are d
New York City, where I am for work for a short time, is great because there's so many places to be doing something in between things. Just walking back from work back home can be 10 different things that happen. See new tulips sprouting because it's spring, walk by 10 different Chinese restaurants that seem promising with interesting pictures, 2 guys dining outside in the patio of restaurants with 2 big dishes of oysters (Man I was so jealous of those guys, those oysters looked fresh caught!) people eating ice cream. I guess that's why people have mixed feelings about New York City (as I have) and a lot of people either love it or hate it. You can have really miserable days and deplore the city for being dirty and smelly, but on awesome days like today (probably one of the best days of the year) the city smells like spring, it feels like spring, it definitely looks like spring with all of the colors from the sky to the sun to the cherry blossoms to the different buildings to the fresh grass and trees and people can be outside to enjoy it all instead of stuck at work or down in the dirty subways to avoid rain.
I discovered today that Juilliard School of Music (I also discovered Juilliard was spelled that way, which I did not know previously) is located in the Upper West Side of Manhattan, in a beautiful area of the city known as Lincoln Square also home to the Metropolitan Opera House and Fordham University. There's a town square area (probably why they call it Lincoln Square) where there's a huge fountain with great architecture all around that lets people hustle and bustle around going in each direction, except for some people who hang out by the fountain just enjoying themselves. That's one thing that L.A. kind of misses, is a square that's a little better than Pershing Square. The whole Lincoln Square area just makes one appreciate life in general, being able to walk through such nice areas with such great aesthetics. Some of the best times MJ and I have are not actually getting to the concert and the event, or finally reaching the restaurant, it is literally the journey, not the destination, of holding hands (sometimes, when she's not mad at me) and walking through nice areas that is the most enjoyable. Basically, we like walking.
Living life in the gap of big events also is what we're doing with Game of Thrones, possibly one of the last of its kind, a weekly show that people see one episode per week and talk about the episode in anticipation of the next week's episode. Now with Netflix, binge watching, and streaming services almost all TV shows can just be watched all at the same time, there's no anticipation and waiting for the next episode. (Oh, actually, also The Amazing Race is still once per week. May that never change!) But what I think people will miss about weekly shows is exactly the waiting around and anticipating, texting friends about what might happen, setting up watch shows, listening to recaps about the episodes (I may be listening to GoT recaps while walking around New York City, which also makes both experiences so much better, like eating banana with peanut butter). Especially this week where the whole GoT universe (and even the whole universe itself) knows that there's a battle coming on GoT, which is pregnant with possibilities, one of the best things a drama can provide viewers. As one of my fantasy baseball friends constantly refrains, "What a time to be alive!"
Lesson in short: Stop to smell the roses (or tulips)!
Fantasize on,
Robert Yan
Whenever people think about the meaning of life, it's usually some grand deed, like winning a championship in a sport, or writing the next great American novel, or becoming a parent and a grandparent, getting married, all very important events and worthy of being cherished, but those moments come far and in between. It's what we do in between those momentous days and moments (Matt Damon also said "Life is a series of moments" in Dogma, which also seems true) that sometimes define who we are. We spend most of our time a.) sleeping, in which nothing memorable happens especially dreams, which are hard to remember by design, and b.) working/studying/ doing mundane activities. We kind of just gloss over those everyday activities, but those are d
New York City, where I am for work for a short time, is great because there's so many places to be doing something in between things. Just walking back from work back home can be 10 different things that happen. See new tulips sprouting because it's spring, walk by 10 different Chinese restaurants that seem promising with interesting pictures, 2 guys dining outside in the patio of restaurants with 2 big dishes of oysters (Man I was so jealous of those guys, those oysters looked fresh caught!) people eating ice cream. I guess that's why people have mixed feelings about New York City (as I have) and a lot of people either love it or hate it. You can have really miserable days and deplore the city for being dirty and smelly, but on awesome days like today (probably one of the best days of the year) the city smells like spring, it feels like spring, it definitely looks like spring with all of the colors from the sky to the sun to the cherry blossoms to the different buildings to the fresh grass and trees and people can be outside to enjoy it all instead of stuck at work or down in the dirty subways to avoid rain.
I discovered today that Juilliard School of Music (I also discovered Juilliard was spelled that way, which I did not know previously) is located in the Upper West Side of Manhattan, in a beautiful area of the city known as Lincoln Square also home to the Metropolitan Opera House and Fordham University. There's a town square area (probably why they call it Lincoln Square) where there's a huge fountain with great architecture all around that lets people hustle and bustle around going in each direction, except for some people who hang out by the fountain just enjoying themselves. That's one thing that L.A. kind of misses, is a square that's a little better than Pershing Square. The whole Lincoln Square area just makes one appreciate life in general, being able to walk through such nice areas with such great aesthetics. Some of the best times MJ and I have are not actually getting to the concert and the event, or finally reaching the restaurant, it is literally the journey, not the destination, of holding hands (sometimes, when she's not mad at me) and walking through nice areas that is the most enjoyable. Basically, we like walking.
Living life in the gap of big events also is what we're doing with Game of Thrones, possibly one of the last of its kind, a weekly show that people see one episode per week and talk about the episode in anticipation of the next week's episode. Now with Netflix, binge watching, and streaming services almost all TV shows can just be watched all at the same time, there's no anticipation and waiting for the next episode. (Oh, actually, also The Amazing Race is still once per week. May that never change!) But what I think people will miss about weekly shows is exactly the waiting around and anticipating, texting friends about what might happen, setting up watch shows, listening to recaps about the episodes (I may be listening to GoT recaps while walking around New York City, which also makes both experiences so much better, like eating banana with peanut butter). Especially this week where the whole GoT universe (and even the whole universe itself) knows that there's a battle coming on GoT, which is pregnant with possibilities, one of the best things a drama can provide viewers. As one of my fantasy baseball friends constantly refrains, "What a time to be alive!"
Lesson in short: Stop to smell the roses (or tulips)!
Fantasize on,
Robert Yan
Sunday, April 21, 2019
Discrimination (차별, 歧视)
I feel like this time of year, there's so much going on it's hard to pick what topic to write about because there's so many to choose from, a cornucopia of topics especially since I've been in new areas, absorbing new stimulus. This past weekend was 4/20 day, the Pineapple Express Day, sandwiched between Easter and Good Friday,
And Amazing Race episodes started last weekend! It's incredible that a show I randomly tuned into in 2004 is still running (literally) in 2019. The music and pacing and especially the competitiveness still get me amped up. This time they started in Hermosa Beach Pier, Los Angeles, a place where MJ and I have walked countless times since we lived around there, so it'll be a symbolic place to start a journey (of watching Amazing Race 31, at least, for us).
There's the NBA playoffs and NHL playoffs going on simultaneously which I always thought was kind of difficult for fans of both hockey and basketball; isn't it hard to pick which one to follow, or if your team is in both, like if you're a Golden State Warriors and San Jose Sharks fan? Tough to put their playoffs almost parallel to each other, but I guess Canadian-based sports like hockey don't care what America does. And this is shortly after Virginia finally won March Madness, after only about the 4th time I picked them to win in my brackets. If ever there was a lesson about picking teams that lost previously in devastating, embarrassing, and hard-to-forget ways, it's that they'll be undervalued the next season when most bettors/ predictors will shy away from them. Or at least, they've gotten that losing out of the way. Oh and Tiger Woods won the Masters! If there was anything to make me feel like it's 2004 again, short of making me go back to high school and join the math and chess teams again, use dial-up internet or wear heavy prescription glasses, it's seeing Tiger winning a Masters again. He doesn't look like he's aged that much........I guess it's true, Asians don't age much.
And I just read another of Min Jin Lee's works (I like her because her name sounds like MJ's) called "Free Food for Millionaires," and I have to say I admire her work, not only because she helps me learn Korean by inserting cultural Korean words like "moo-dari," daikon legs, or explain why Koreans think certain things like a woman moving in with a man before marriage is shameful, but because she writes a heck of a good story. I don't know about all the literary devices like imagery, tone, metaphors, and literary richness of the novel, but she certainly makes me not want to put the book down. A big secret for me: dialogue. Most readers (I think) like the gossip of hearing other people's conversations with others and to drop in on a conversation, and we learn a great deal about them from those conversations. I admire Asian American writers who have a background in other cultures to be able to capture the American way of thining in their writing, I think it's quite a gift.
Almost forgot what I originally wanted to write about, discrimination! I just finished watching a very interesting episode about discrimination on the show "Abnormal Summit," which was popular in Korea a few years ago and features foreigners in Korea talking about different social issues and problems. Just the fact that a summit like that of foreigners from different countries can get together and talk is a testament to the quality of intercultural contact, to try to understand each other and not to succumb to racism. I've always wondered what it'd be like to be a diplomat. I think they have to be pretty knowledgable about other countries but also possess an open mind about people of the other countries. Well, if I have anything, it's a pretty empty mind (incompetence) but also an open mind about different peoples anchored by my policy that there are bad people in every race or religion or gender or group, and then there are good people too. What they said on the show maybe true, that as long as different ethnicities and nationalities and groups in general exist, discrimination will always exist, but it's the efforts to contain that discrimination, to mitigate its damages, to not rush to conclusions about people and follow the herd that seems to encourage discrimination, that's what's important and that needs to stay around forever.
Fantasize on,
Robert Yan
And Amazing Race episodes started last weekend! It's incredible that a show I randomly tuned into in 2004 is still running (literally) in 2019. The music and pacing and especially the competitiveness still get me amped up. This time they started in Hermosa Beach Pier, Los Angeles, a place where MJ and I have walked countless times since we lived around there, so it'll be a symbolic place to start a journey (of watching Amazing Race 31, at least, for us).
There's the NBA playoffs and NHL playoffs going on simultaneously which I always thought was kind of difficult for fans of both hockey and basketball; isn't it hard to pick which one to follow, or if your team is in both, like if you're a Golden State Warriors and San Jose Sharks fan? Tough to put their playoffs almost parallel to each other, but I guess Canadian-based sports like hockey don't care what America does. And this is shortly after Virginia finally won March Madness, after only about the 4th time I picked them to win in my brackets. If ever there was a lesson about picking teams that lost previously in devastating, embarrassing, and hard-to-forget ways, it's that they'll be undervalued the next season when most bettors/ predictors will shy away from them. Or at least, they've gotten that losing out of the way. Oh and Tiger Woods won the Masters! If there was anything to make me feel like it's 2004 again, short of making me go back to high school and join the math and chess teams again, use dial-up internet or wear heavy prescription glasses, it's seeing Tiger winning a Masters again. He doesn't look like he's aged that much........I guess it's true, Asians don't age much.
And I just read another of Min Jin Lee's works (I like her because her name sounds like MJ's) called "Free Food for Millionaires," and I have to say I admire her work, not only because she helps me learn Korean by inserting cultural Korean words like "moo-dari," daikon legs, or explain why Koreans think certain things like a woman moving in with a man before marriage is shameful, but because she writes a heck of a good story. I don't know about all the literary devices like imagery, tone, metaphors, and literary richness of the novel, but she certainly makes me not want to put the book down. A big secret for me: dialogue. Most readers (I think) like the gossip of hearing other people's conversations with others and to drop in on a conversation, and we learn a great deal about them from those conversations. I admire Asian American writers who have a background in other cultures to be able to capture the American way of thining in their writing, I think it's quite a gift.
Almost forgot what I originally wanted to write about, discrimination! I just finished watching a very interesting episode about discrimination on the show "Abnormal Summit," which was popular in Korea a few years ago and features foreigners in Korea talking about different social issues and problems. Just the fact that a summit like that of foreigners from different countries can get together and talk is a testament to the quality of intercultural contact, to try to understand each other and not to succumb to racism. I've always wondered what it'd be like to be a diplomat. I think they have to be pretty knowledgable about other countries but also possess an open mind about people of the other countries. Well, if I have anything, it's a pretty empty mind (incompetence) but also an open mind about different peoples anchored by my policy that there are bad people in every race or religion or gender or group, and then there are good people too. What they said on the show maybe true, that as long as different ethnicities and nationalities and groups in general exist, discrimination will always exist, but it's the efforts to contain that discrimination, to mitigate its damages, to not rush to conclusions about people and follow the herd that seems to encourage discrimination, that's what's important and that needs to stay around forever.
Fantasize on,
Robert Yan
Thursday, April 18, 2019
Cat (고양이) 猫
I've been traveling a lot lately in various different homes, and the current place I'm staying at has a cat roaming around. It's pretty awesome to have a cat.......they're pretty predictable, they won't bite you, they don't bark at you, no danger of pooping right on the floor........all different than say, for example, a dog. (I once had to clean up a pile of poop from the living room of my friend with whom I was staying. It was awful!) This cat just jumped in my bed my first day like it owned the place (cats do act like they own the place from what I've seen) and started licking him/herself (I haven't really figured out a way to tell the gender yet). And its name is Veggie! Pretty cool.
I'm pretty sure I've mentioned that Japanese people love cats so much that they have many idioms about them (Koreans and Chinese go for their more powerful and mythical ones in the family, the tiger for idioms) but the Japanese have many, and most of them apply to the office I'm working at now.
1.) 猫の額- As small as a cat's forehead. Not sure out of all the small things in the world a cat's forehead was the apt comparison, but so it is. My office is cramped for space (one big room of 50 people) and a shared kitchen/common space area for about 150 people). I wonder what the fire hazard restrictions are there. Luckily, the men's restroom has 7 stalls, but it still gets a bit crowded especially after lunch......(I've discovered through many years of public restroom use that after lunch is the time with most traffic).
2.) 猫の子一匹いない- not even a single baby cat around. Most employees come in at different times, some are early people, some are late people, but by 6PM EVERYONE is gone and the office is eerily quite, like a ghost town. Kind of amazing how a place so lively at one time of the day can just totally become empty. I guess one's home is the opposite........different cycle. Human beings really are the most dynamic living creatures, I guess.
3.) 猫の手も借りたい - so busy that you would even borrow a hand from a cat! There's definitely a hustle and bustle in the office as everyone strives to reach their goals, and no internet use or cell phone use in the office (!) forces people to pay attention to what their doing. Only listening to music is allowed. In a way it's good to concentrate on a task continuously for hours (usually eight) as I've forgotten what it's like in the digital world to have to just do one task continuously and not get distracted by texts, tweets, emails, alerts, etc. Can't imagine what work days were like pre-internet. You'd have to talk to people to relieve the boredom!
4.) All that working is done at desks and while sitting, so it's vulnerable to developing a slouch- 猫背, or cat's back. To solve this, I've seen people get standing desks to stand up all day while they work, or elevated monitors to force you to sit up straight while working. I try to maintain good posture for like the first hour or so, but inevitably the body wants to sag and get comfortable.
5.) 借りてきた猫- like a borrowed cat, someone who behaves better than they normally are. Doesn't really fit, but my office seems to be full of "cat people," or people who are kind of shy, or just go about their own business. Aren't really friendly to me, don't reach out to say hi or anything. It's kind of weird since I say a bunch of people every day working in the same room and crossing paths in the hallway, but since there's so many people and everyone has their own cliques, people just don't feel the need to get to know one another. I actually don't agree with this as I feel like everyone in a company should try to get to know one another, but I do feel like it might be an Asian thing of "don't stir the pot" or being reserved. It's times like these I feel actually like a westerner or a dog, trying to make everyone happy and be on good terms with everyone.
Fantasize on,
Robert Yan
I'm pretty sure I've mentioned that Japanese people love cats so much that they have many idioms about them (Koreans and Chinese go for their more powerful and mythical ones in the family, the tiger for idioms) but the Japanese have many, and most of them apply to the office I'm working at now.
1.) 猫の額- As small as a cat's forehead. Not sure out of all the small things in the world a cat's forehead was the apt comparison, but so it is. My office is cramped for space (one big room of 50 people) and a shared kitchen/common space area for about 150 people). I wonder what the fire hazard restrictions are there. Luckily, the men's restroom has 7 stalls, but it still gets a bit crowded especially after lunch......(I've discovered through many years of public restroom use that after lunch is the time with most traffic).
2.) 猫の子一匹いない- not even a single baby cat around. Most employees come in at different times, some are early people, some are late people, but by 6PM EVERYONE is gone and the office is eerily quite, like a ghost town. Kind of amazing how a place so lively at one time of the day can just totally become empty. I guess one's home is the opposite........different cycle. Human beings really are the most dynamic living creatures, I guess.
3.) 猫の手も借りたい - so busy that you would even borrow a hand from a cat! There's definitely a hustle and bustle in the office as everyone strives to reach their goals, and no internet use or cell phone use in the office (!) forces people to pay attention to what their doing. Only listening to music is allowed. In a way it's good to concentrate on a task continuously for hours (usually eight) as I've forgotten what it's like in the digital world to have to just do one task continuously and not get distracted by texts, tweets, emails, alerts, etc. Can't imagine what work days were like pre-internet. You'd have to talk to people to relieve the boredom!
4.) All that working is done at desks and while sitting, so it's vulnerable to developing a slouch- 猫背, or cat's back. To solve this, I've seen people get standing desks to stand up all day while they work, or elevated monitors to force you to sit up straight while working. I try to maintain good posture for like the first hour or so, but inevitably the body wants to sag and get comfortable.
5.) 借りてきた猫- like a borrowed cat, someone who behaves better than they normally are. Doesn't really fit, but my office seems to be full of "cat people," or people who are kind of shy, or just go about their own business. Aren't really friendly to me, don't reach out to say hi or anything. It's kind of weird since I say a bunch of people every day working in the same room and crossing paths in the hallway, but since there's so many people and everyone has their own cliques, people just don't feel the need to get to know one another. I actually don't agree with this as I feel like everyone in a company should try to get to know one another, but I do feel like it might be an Asian thing of "don't stir the pot" or being reserved. It's times like these I feel actually like a westerner or a dog, trying to make everyone happy and be on good terms with everyone.
Fantasize on,
Robert Yan
Wednesday, April 10, 2019
Thank you for not smoking (흡연, 抽煙), 需要と供給 (Supply and demand)
You can learn a lot of life lessons simply from understanding the concept of supply and demand. People pay thousands of dollars taking economics classes to learn it! But there are so many real life examples that exemplify it. Recently looking at airline prices emphasizes the importance of booking tickets EARLY. More than a month before the flight, prices are cheap because there's a large supply of seats left............airlines need to fill those seats, so they charge lower prices to make it attractive for customers to buy. But gradually as seats fill up, the number of seats go down while demand goes up not just because of the now limited supply, but because now there are more people who suddenly need the tickets, something came up, business trips, sudden illness, etc. Suddenly you get a situation where there's constantly decreasing supply of a fixed supply but escalating demand, and that's where you see a ticket that started at $100 go to $300, maybe even $400. The airline is trying to get just the right amount of people to buy early to fill out enough spots but reserve enough so that in the last 2 weeks or week they can jack up prices like crazy for the last-minute flyers, and sell exactly the right amount to fill up the plane to capacity. (Sometimes it doesn't work out, they have empty seats, or the opposite, they have to put people on standby or offer packages to people who are in a seat already, hence the United Airlines dragging a passenger out debacle). AND THEN there's the situation where sometimes a flight isn't even close to selling out as they near the flight date, and that pushes the prices WAY down, like getting a $60 flight from Chicago to Los Angeles the day before the flight (have done that). Only happens on lower-demand travel days and destinations though.
Thank god there is no smoking on planes. Something about being in a smoking room of a hotel or an airbnb that allows smoking just rubs me the wrong way. Just the smell of smoke makes me kind of nautious, or at least not feel right. I can't really understand people who voluntarily put that smell and the smoke into their bodies. Luckily, MJ and I share this particular view in life and can bound over tsk-tsk-ing at people who are smoking in improper places. It's a negative externality; if you want to ruin your life, go ahead, but don't make my life worse while you're doing it. Smoking, unfortunately, has a high chance of doing that. And I'm not such a big fan of those electronic cigarettes neither; although not using tobacco and you don't see a fire, doesn't mean those fumes and whatever you're inhaling isn't bad for you.
Another lesson in supply and demand, just observe New York subway trains at rush hour. That's exactly a situation where demand outpaces supply and you get "hell train" (what it's called in Korean when people get stuffed into a train). Probably a wise move would be to increase the supply of trains during rush hour, but the subway system is already so congested and causing delays with so many trains pulling into stations from this way and that way that adding more trains would probably raise the risk of a catastrophic disaster to dangerous levels.
Fantasize on,
Robert Yan
Thank god there is no smoking on planes. Something about being in a smoking room of a hotel or an airbnb that allows smoking just rubs me the wrong way. Just the smell of smoke makes me kind of nautious, or at least not feel right. I can't really understand people who voluntarily put that smell and the smoke into their bodies. Luckily, MJ and I share this particular view in life and can bound over tsk-tsk-ing at people who are smoking in improper places. It's a negative externality; if you want to ruin your life, go ahead, but don't make my life worse while you're doing it. Smoking, unfortunately, has a high chance of doing that. And I'm not such a big fan of those electronic cigarettes neither; although not using tobacco and you don't see a fire, doesn't mean those fumes and whatever you're inhaling isn't bad for you.
Another lesson in supply and demand, just observe New York subway trains at rush hour. That's exactly a situation where demand outpaces supply and you get "hell train" (what it's called in Korean when people get stuffed into a train). Probably a wise move would be to increase the supply of trains during rush hour, but the subway system is already so congested and causing delays with so many trains pulling into stations from this way and that way that adding more trains would probably raise the risk of a catastrophic disaster to dangerous levels.
Fantasize on,
Robert Yan
Monday, April 8, 2019
Incompetence (無能)
As it's officially now been 3 semesters since I last took a class at Oregon State University's Online Computer Science program, I would have to re-apply to their program to get back on track to earning a B.S. in Computer Science. In short, I've failed at achieving my goal. It's at these times that I feel incompetent compared to other people, weak in that other people can do something that I can't. I can take a bit of solace that my brain just isn't equipped to do something like computer science, and at least I tried to get through the first class of the major: CS161, Intro to Programming. I made my first computer program, "HELLO WORLD!," did loops and if-statements, and then when we hit arrays and pointers I hit the skids, and when we have to design our own programs with all of these concepts together was when I really a handle on the class and realized how incompetent I was.......how I passed the class with a C+ was just a testament to me taking the quizzes and doing all the other assignments that were in the book, getting the free points. That's always how it's been with me: I can understand what's in a book, get the material, and then figure out what it all means eventually, but putting those concepts to use on my own, like stop reading the instruction manual to repair a bike and actually do it, that's when I've always had some problems. (Maybe I have a learning disability or like in the movies I'm only using 10% of my brain and haven't unlocked the other 90%?)
In junior high and even into high school I thought I was so superior to everyone, being able to get A's and do well on the SAT's. Even then I think I knew I wasn't that smart as there were tons of people smarter than me who didn't care about the grades (a sign in itself that they were indeed smarter than me), and the one chink in my armor (a B in Calculus BC) showed where I was weak: when it came to really haven't to grasp difficult concepts and move on to the next level, I couldn't switch it on like others could. Tell me to read a history chapter and summarize its contents, read an SAT question and figure out the right answer, those were easy tasks that required just applying oneself, I could continuously do that no problem, kind of like studying languages nowadays, they are long-but-easy tasks, as opposed to short-but-difficult tasks.
I can understand now why some people give up on what I thought were easy questions when studying for the SAT's: their minds didn't work the way mine did, just like mine doesn't work the way computer scientists do .It's much more difficult for some people to figure it out than others.
I feel very alone and prone to failure, as my one calling card that other people used to have- being "smart," is not really something I possess.....I'm not really that smart. And I'm not that athletic, I'm not that good-looking, I'm not that funny, I don't sing very well, I play violin at an amateur level.......what is it in this world that I am good at? It makes me wonder and feel inadequate, incompetent, insignificant. I berate myself for thinking that other people were incompetent before. I often feel afraid during a conversation with smarter people than me that I will be exposed as a fraud who isn't actually very smart. I used to scold my sister for not getting questions I thought were easy, but even then I sympathized with her a bit when my parents wondered why she couldn't get good grades "like her brother" little did they know that "her brother" wasn't even that smart and was faking it the whole time!.........some people's brains just don't work like that, and as an adult I realize I am not exactly killing it out there neither.
Luckily, what I can do is maximize what I do possess, and one of the few skills I possess is being able to adapt to situations quickly.......and I have a lovely wife who's smarter than me, so.......that's a start.
Fantasize on,
Robert Yan
In junior high and even into high school I thought I was so superior to everyone, being able to get A's and do well on the SAT's. Even then I think I knew I wasn't that smart as there were tons of people smarter than me who didn't care about the grades (a sign in itself that they were indeed smarter than me), and the one chink in my armor (a B in Calculus BC) showed where I was weak: when it came to really haven't to grasp difficult concepts and move on to the next level, I couldn't switch it on like others could. Tell me to read a history chapter and summarize its contents, read an SAT question and figure out the right answer, those were easy tasks that required just applying oneself, I could continuously do that no problem, kind of like studying languages nowadays, they are long-but-easy tasks, as opposed to short-but-difficult tasks.
I can understand now why some people give up on what I thought were easy questions when studying for the SAT's: their minds didn't work the way mine did, just like mine doesn't work the way computer scientists do .It's much more difficult for some people to figure it out than others.
I feel very alone and prone to failure, as my one calling card that other people used to have- being "smart," is not really something I possess.....I'm not really that smart. And I'm not that athletic, I'm not that good-looking, I'm not that funny, I don't sing very well, I play violin at an amateur level.......what is it in this world that I am good at? It makes me wonder and feel inadequate, incompetent, insignificant. I berate myself for thinking that other people were incompetent before. I often feel afraid during a conversation with smarter people than me that I will be exposed as a fraud who isn't actually very smart. I used to scold my sister for not getting questions I thought were easy, but even then I sympathized with her a bit when my parents wondered why she couldn't get good grades "like her brother" little did they know that "her brother" wasn't even that smart and was faking it the whole time!.........some people's brains just don't work like that, and as an adult I realize I am not exactly killing it out there neither.
Luckily, what I can do is maximize what I do possess, and one of the few skills I possess is being able to adapt to situations quickly.......and I have a lovely wife who's smarter than me, so.......that's a start.
Fantasize on,
Robert Yan
Sunday, April 7, 2019
Suppokasu-すっぽかす(To stand someone up)
I've been "stood up" quite a few times before in my life, but I've also stood other people up, so I'm not sure if I'm positive or negative in "Suppokasu" karma. I'm not sure what the exact definition is, whether making plans but then cancelling them at the last second counts as standing someone up or it has to be a strict "no-show," you don't show up at all without any explanation. I suppose a last-minute cancellation (ドタンキャン)- the Japanese have a lot of terms for this category, cancellation is not as bad because the other person can at least move on with their life and go do something else besides waiting for you wondering if you'll show up.
I got stood up last night! A friend of mine who I haven't seen in a while just got engaged in the morning to his girlfriend (now fiance) and said he was going out that night and invited me to join, I accepted, he said he would text me location ("send me location"- inside joke) later that night but never did. This morning, he told me he got super drunk and forgot to text me. Hmmmmmm......is the natural reaction, cuz for me even if I get pretty drunk my sense of obligation will probably force me to say something or have it on my mind. This friend is very popular (especially with the ladies too) and has a lot of friends though, so it's definitely possible he just lost my text in the sea of congratulatory texts he got about his engagement, or it's also that subconsciously he lost track of me because I wasn't that important to him, also probably part of it. Regardless, I'll give him slack because he just got engaged and was probably celebrating and having his mind somewhere else .
It's a cruel realization sometimes that just like some people are going to be more popular with dating and the opposite sex, some people, usually those same people, are also going to be more popular and more people will want to be friends with them. It's a sinking feeling but important concept to realize you might not be as important to them. A lot of people try to go against the grain and try to be close to those popular people even more and feed off their popularity, almost parasitically; I of course tried to be as cool as possible as a kid, but I actually tend to go the other way: I try to reach out to people who seem like they're alone, or looking for attention and not getting any, because I know what it's like to be them; I also want to be included in the group or conversation. When I'm in a big group of friends in a circle, I'll try to get someone who hasn't talked or awhile into the conversation by asking them a question; I'm like an emcee at a networking event; try to get everyone involved.
It's also kind of a sinking but realistic feeling that "high school never ends." (a popular song by Bowling for Soup). Life at the workplace, life in social circles, life with friends.....life on Facebook, life in dodgeball: there are definite popularity contests, and the popular people usually get more people who want to be near them, who try to be their friends, so it becomes a black hole of attention; they're their own star with planets/moons rotating around them in orbit, to extend the analogy. Luckily, in this world popularity isn't the only thing that matters, but it does get people invites to parties on Saturday, and it does prevent them from being stood up, and force them to stand other people up once in a while who aren't important.
My biggest pet peeve is people I've befriended and tried to bring them into the group, but then they find other people in the group who are more popular and abandon me. It's a savage, savage world out there, but that kind of betrayal just makes one feel unwanted, used, and abused. I wish that one day those people who are popular (and a few of them do this) looked around and understood why they're so popular, and then reached out to those who might need some attention and share some of their popularity, like a popularity socialism, spread the wealth a little bit. Alas, just like capitalism, popularity seems like the rich keep getting richer at the expense of the poor, and the cycle continues.
Fantasize on,
Robert Yan
I got stood up last night! A friend of mine who I haven't seen in a while just got engaged in the morning to his girlfriend (now fiance) and said he was going out that night and invited me to join, I accepted, he said he would text me location ("send me location"- inside joke) later that night but never did. This morning, he told me he got super drunk and forgot to text me. Hmmmmmm......is the natural reaction, cuz for me even if I get pretty drunk my sense of obligation will probably force me to say something or have it on my mind. This friend is very popular (especially with the ladies too) and has a lot of friends though, so it's definitely possible he just lost my text in the sea of congratulatory texts he got about his engagement, or it's also that subconsciously he lost track of me because I wasn't that important to him, also probably part of it. Regardless, I'll give him slack because he just got engaged and was probably celebrating and having his mind somewhere else .
It's a cruel realization sometimes that just like some people are going to be more popular with dating and the opposite sex, some people, usually those same people, are also going to be more popular and more people will want to be friends with them. It's a sinking feeling but important concept to realize you might not be as important to them. A lot of people try to go against the grain and try to be close to those popular people even more and feed off their popularity, almost parasitically; I of course tried to be as cool as possible as a kid, but I actually tend to go the other way: I try to reach out to people who seem like they're alone, or looking for attention and not getting any, because I know what it's like to be them; I also want to be included in the group or conversation. When I'm in a big group of friends in a circle, I'll try to get someone who hasn't talked or awhile into the conversation by asking them a question; I'm like an emcee at a networking event; try to get everyone involved.
It's also kind of a sinking but realistic feeling that "high school never ends." (a popular song by Bowling for Soup). Life at the workplace, life in social circles, life with friends.....life on Facebook, life in dodgeball: there are definite popularity contests, and the popular people usually get more people who want to be near them, who try to be their friends, so it becomes a black hole of attention; they're their own star with planets/moons rotating around them in orbit, to extend the analogy. Luckily, in this world popularity isn't the only thing that matters, but it does get people invites to parties on Saturday, and it does prevent them from being stood up, and force them to stand other people up once in a while who aren't important.
My biggest pet peeve is people I've befriended and tried to bring them into the group, but then they find other people in the group who are more popular and abandon me. It's a savage, savage world out there, but that kind of betrayal just makes one feel unwanted, used, and abused. I wish that one day those people who are popular (and a few of them do this) looked around and understood why they're so popular, and then reached out to those who might need some attention and share some of their popularity, like a popularity socialism, spread the wealth a little bit. Alas, just like capitalism, popularity seems like the rich keep getting richer at the expense of the poor, and the cycle continues.
Fantasize on,
Robert Yan
Thursday, April 4, 2019
All the World's a stage
"All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players; They have their exists and their entrances." One of the most famous quotes of many by William Shakespeare, and one with some profound meaning and lot of truth behind it. I often find parallels between living life and being on stage (as well as life as a simulation, Elon Musk-style) where we all have our part to play, whether it's a main protagonist/antagonist like world leaders or just a bit character like the normal citizen that I am. We all have to follow these rules of society like reading a script (stop at the stoplights, pay your taxes, do your homework, etc., etc., and the pre-ordained script of a beginning, birth, and an end, death.
It's odd, actually, when I was a child I loved attention and being on stage, where my parents told me (and I have a vague recollection of) grabbing the mike at a Chinese school talent show and reciting a popular folk take from the Journey to the West to fellow Chinese schoolers. I was like 5 at the time. And it was in Chinese. I think I must have felt so free then, not to feel anything about my appearance, what people might think of me, what words I couldn't say, whether my mom was watching or not and how'd she feel, it was just as natural as can be, just go up and tell everyone a story. I don't even know if I could do now at 31 (almost 32 years old! Whew!) what I could do at 5: go up to the stage in front of a lot of people and perform optimally. I would be way overthinking about "what will people think? What if I mess up? Who should I thank? What do I do if this happens? What if I do if I panic and forget what to say?" If pressed I could do the job I needed to do, but not with the freedom I could at 5, where I remember dancing randomly without even thinking and shaking my butt a lot and copying others. I DEFINITELY couldn't public dancing and have other people judge me by my dancing. Therefore, the best performances, I feel, might be by children, who still have the freedom to express exactly what they want to express without constraints of social pressure and expectation.
The Broadway play I went to recently, coincidentally, had A LOT of child actors, and they swore a lot, as is apparently the case with a lot of Irish people, as depicted in the play "The Ferryman." Great story, lot of building action, and the climax happened in the last minute or 2 and left us with a huge ending. (Maybe similar to what Game of Thrones the Final Season will do coming up in the next couple months?) At first I was a little appalled at the price tag of these plays (easily can get up to triple digits per seat depending on where you sit), whereas the most expensive of movies cost just $20, but then you do have the live acting, and each show you watch those actors are performing that particular time JUST ONCE. There's actually a lot to be said about the opening weekend of any show and the initial performance, and those tickets can cost even more.
What struck me about The Ferryman was how much dialogue they had; it was 3 hours + of dialogue (with a short intermission between) with various characters constantly talking, sometimes more than 10 actors on stage, for sure, but the timing still had to be right on for knowing who talks when, etc., and some comedic timing is required, but these actors nailed it right on, without an obvious miss anywhere I could see (contrary to the high school musicals I was part of the musical pit crew for, where there'd be at least one little glitch I noticed every performance). And dialogue was the main source of plot movement, character development, and basically everything else that happened in this play (except there were live animals, which was kinda surprising but cool), know glitzy special effects or music to attract the attention, you really had to pay attention to the dialogue to know what was going on (and listen through the coughs from the audience, which got to be a bit annoying- possibly a no-illness possibly needs to be in place?)
Book of Mormon, Aladdin, Harry Potter and the Cursed Child, Hamilton, etc., etc. ........ plus the timeless "Wicked" that MJ and I saw in London. Now I get the appeal of the live performance play and why it was so popular in Shakespeare's time. All the world's a stage, and I'm ready to play my part as an audience member again!
Fantasize on,
Robert Yan
It's odd, actually, when I was a child I loved attention and being on stage, where my parents told me (and I have a vague recollection of) grabbing the mike at a Chinese school talent show and reciting a popular folk take from the Journey to the West to fellow Chinese schoolers. I was like 5 at the time. And it was in Chinese. I think I must have felt so free then, not to feel anything about my appearance, what people might think of me, what words I couldn't say, whether my mom was watching or not and how'd she feel, it was just as natural as can be, just go up and tell everyone a story. I don't even know if I could do now at 31 (almost 32 years old! Whew!) what I could do at 5: go up to the stage in front of a lot of people and perform optimally. I would be way overthinking about "what will people think? What if I mess up? Who should I thank? What do I do if this happens? What if I do if I panic and forget what to say?" If pressed I could do the job I needed to do, but not with the freedom I could at 5, where I remember dancing randomly without even thinking and shaking my butt a lot and copying others. I DEFINITELY couldn't public dancing and have other people judge me by my dancing. Therefore, the best performances, I feel, might be by children, who still have the freedom to express exactly what they want to express without constraints of social pressure and expectation.
The Broadway play I went to recently, coincidentally, had A LOT of child actors, and they swore a lot, as is apparently the case with a lot of Irish people, as depicted in the play "The Ferryman." Great story, lot of building action, and the climax happened in the last minute or 2 and left us with a huge ending. (Maybe similar to what Game of Thrones the Final Season will do coming up in the next couple months?) At first I was a little appalled at the price tag of these plays (easily can get up to triple digits per seat depending on where you sit), whereas the most expensive of movies cost just $20, but then you do have the live acting, and each show you watch those actors are performing that particular time JUST ONCE. There's actually a lot to be said about the opening weekend of any show and the initial performance, and those tickets can cost even more.
What struck me about The Ferryman was how much dialogue they had; it was 3 hours + of dialogue (with a short intermission between) with various characters constantly talking, sometimes more than 10 actors on stage, for sure, but the timing still had to be right on for knowing who talks when, etc., and some comedic timing is required, but these actors nailed it right on, without an obvious miss anywhere I could see (contrary to the high school musicals I was part of the musical pit crew for, where there'd be at least one little glitch I noticed every performance). And dialogue was the main source of plot movement, character development, and basically everything else that happened in this play (except there were live animals, which was kinda surprising but cool), know glitzy special effects or music to attract the attention, you really had to pay attention to the dialogue to know what was going on (and listen through the coughs from the audience, which got to be a bit annoying- possibly a no-illness possibly needs to be in place?)
Book of Mormon, Aladdin, Harry Potter and the Cursed Child, Hamilton, etc., etc. ........ plus the timeless "Wicked" that MJ and I saw in London. Now I get the appeal of the live performance play and why it was so popular in Shakespeare's time. All the world's a stage, and I'm ready to play my part as an audience member again!
Fantasize on,
Robert Yan
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