The Meaning of Fantasy Baseball

The Meaning of Fantasy Baseball/Life

Whenever someone mentions the meaning of life, I think of a conversation in middle school one time when 2 guys talked about the meaning of life being about reproduction, but then the other guy disagreeing and saying the meaning of life was death. Then I think about fantasy baseball, and everything becomes more clear, especially during…..wait for it…..September, fantasy baseball playoff time.

I think fantasy baseball is a microcosm of life. Guys are competitive about EVERYTHING…….it’s like they’re wired to compete. Guys compete for who is the best at a sport, who wins the affection of a beautiful woman, who wins a game of chance (that’s why casinos make so much money), board games, who has the biggest (or smallest!) car and who has the shiniest rims, on anything and everything, guys will compete to prove that they’re better than another guy at it. Which makes sense why every year, millions of men sign up for fantasy baseball and fantasy football, relatively meaningless exercises in the grand scheme of life (predicting who will have a good game in a baseball season that lasts half the year is really a fool’s errand). There are so many more important things in he world that need attending to, like buying a house, investing, social problems, retirement plans, family planning, taking care of one’s parents, that we should all spend multiple times more time than fantasy baseball……

Which is what I tell myself every time I want to quit the game, but then I realize I am doomed to the fate of competing. It’s the same as dodgeball: I can’t stand it when someone else can claim that they’re better than me at something. It’s a disease, really, a curse: it’s human nature, or at least it’s guy nature.  Something about being the best at something (whether it’s as significant as winning gold at the Olympics, or something as insignificant as winning our law school 12-team fantasy baseball league) arouses something deeply primeval inside a person, and especially men. It’s the whole reason the idea of a championship is so pervasive, why ESPN makes so much money on sports, people wanna see winning, and if they can’t win they want their team to win, and to live vicariously through the experience of winning, and selfishly, it’s that feeling of getting to the top and then looking down upon all the people below, who doubted you, who thought they were better than you, and proving them wrong, and having that thing that everything else wants. It’s very greedy and a little evil, really, but it’s human nature: we want to win. I want to win my fantasy baseball league.

This year’s theory, had I been motivated to formulate a fantasy baseball theory, would have been the Daniel Murphy Theory: The year 30 breakout. Spend many years in the league in mediocrity, have one huge postseason, and then at the ripe old age of 30, what many believe to be a bit over-the-hill, you’ve already done all you can, peak and become an MVP candidate. I support Daniel Murphy in his endeavors even though I traded him for peanuts before the season began and regret it every moment of the season, but when I grow up and turn 30 I want to be like Daniel Murphy

Fantasize on,

Robert Yan 

Sweat (汗)

Have I mentioned that I don't like summer that much? Some of my best memories from childhood are from summer, but that's more due to the ample vacation time it provided during the school years and freedom, as well as college working at camp and playing with kids. I've well documented in this blog my theory that people's brains work just a little slower during summer, and of my like for summer vacations in the amount of time it's light outside but also the sheer quantity of people who go on vacation during this time.... there's also the issue of natsubate (exhaustion from it being summer), sunburns, excessive heat warnings, rising air conditioning costs, lack of sports (only the long hot days of baseball), etc., etc.

The more I experience summer and the older I get however, it's become clear to me that the top problem of the summer personally for me is sweat. I sweat a lot. It started innocently enough: I was just a regular kid, a little overweight so I didn't move that much, but I don't remember being overly sweaty, maybe in the neck regions, but the sweat sort of evolved like a virus, spreading from the neck area to armpits, then chest, then the stomach area. Not sure if I'm unique in this area, but I sweat from the stomach.....my shirt usually gets wet in that area first and then grows out from there, almost like blood spreading if I had gotten stabbed in the stomach (I know my girlfriend is loving reading this topic right now). Thank god my sweat is not overly smelly (sometimes it is though!) because I've smelled overly sweaty AND overly smelly people, and it can get unbearably unpleasant.

Because I've dealt with sweat so much in my life, though, I have the benefit of having experienced many embarrassing situations related to sweat, and can share
Sweat tips:
1.)  It doesn't go away just because you shower. Intuitively the cool water splashing down on the body should wash away the sweat, but if you were exercising vigorously before the shower, your body still hasn't gotten a chance to cool down. The water is just a temporary fix, the permanent fix is making the body cool down, which requires being in a cool room for a while, sitting. If you exercise a lot, shower, and then continue to do something else, you'll sweat through your shirt. Body's like a machine: needs time to cool down.

2.) bring a towel/extra shirt if you know you're going to sweat. I almost always bring multiple shirts to dodgeball, especially because I sweat through them and any ball that hits my body because wet.

3.) I'd rather take 90 degrees in dry heat than 70 degrees in wet heat. When thinking about comfortableness, temperature's probably the right indicator. But humidity is a much better chance-of-sweat indicator, and having been an "Angeleno" for several years I was greeted with a rude awakening to the compressing, suffocating, death-inducing humidity. Can make you feel like you can't breath, and feel like you can't walk without sweating.

4.) Don't schedule dates in the summer. Don't think had a bad experience with my girlfriend (yay!) which is why we might be together. Seriously, I start getting sweaty, start worrying about sweating and compound the problem, worry about having sweaty (worse, clammy!) hands and touching my date, worry about the sweat soaking through my shirt and causing an embarrassing situation, don't want to go outside and walk around (despite that being the most romantic thing to do), etc. If dating must be done in summer, think later at night (when in LA at least the weather gets cooler, in Washington DC it does NOT!) or go to the movies, go to the ice rink (an EXCELLENT place to go on a date, btw)

5.) When you know you're about to sweat, try to think of a cool place and concentrate, let your mind focus on the coldest place you can think of. Actually, I have no idea if this works. It's probably better to just get inside where, you know, there's air conditioning.

6.) Totally counterintuitive, but wear 2 shirts. One inner shirt to sweat through and soak up the sweat, then change and just wear the clean outside shirt. Honestly, sweat kind of breads sweat: where there's sweat, there becomes more sweat. Wearing another shirt at least gives you a fresh feeling, allows the prior sweat to be removed. I always wonder how women wear those one-piece summer dresses, what if they sweat through that??? Seems totally possible and a very difficult situation to "wiggle out of."

Fantasize on,

Robert Yan

無駄話する (Idle Gossip)

Visiting a new place for work or vacation or anything allows for lots of opportunities to travel and try new things, with one of those new things being new conversations with people. Whether it's the person sitting next to you on the plane, train, or bus, or just new co-workers, new restaurant you want to try, new gym you join, it provides ample opportunity to run into new faces and start up a conversation (my girlfriend thinks I'm trying to do this to meet someone new and replace her, but I respond with I hadn't really been successful at that for 28 years before I met her). I used to think this was a skill, to strike up a conversation with a stranger, hit it off, talk about common interests, and suddenly the conversation has gone over an hour, and you realize you're now best friends, exchange phone numbers. When I was single, I thought this was the dream scenario for a single guy to meet their spouse: it's inspired out of Sleepless in Seattle and countless romantic comedies. Except it doesn't usually happen that way, with all the social stigma of stalkers and girls not wanting to talk to "creepy guys," etc. Even people of the same gender, you're reluctant to talk to people in case they want to sell you anything. At a bar or club, it's like every time you try to talk to somebody it's an attempt at "hooking up" with them, which is really not conducive to a genuine conversation: both parties of the conversation know what's going on. 

So it's hard enough to strike up a conversation with someone (without some social lubricant like alcohol, of course). But is it even a good idea to do so? My recent experiences suggest otherwise. Sure it's awesome to talk to a genius who has information about everything and talk about everything,  or a comedian who makes you crack up and has jokes up the wazoo, but the random person in the street isn't like that. They talk about sports, their life, recent events, etc. At the end of day, I realize that it's not that fulfilling of an experience: the average person isn't that interesting, myself included. I go to work, go to dodgeball, talk with my girlfriend, try to spend time with my family, volunteer occasionally, go on vacation occasionally, and that's pretty much it. The time spent with someone talking can be better spent getting smarter by listening to the news or learning languages like me, paying the bills or taking care of other business (I learn this especially getting older with more responsibilities), or anything else, cuz idly talking is taking up free time, not productive time. Sure you might meet the next Marc Zuckerberg or big entrepreneur (I exclude professional networking events, which it IS a good idea to talk with people) but it's much more likely you meet the next wannabe actor in Hollywood or trust fund baby living exotically off his parents' money (I meet people in the wrong places apparently). I used to wonder why people didn't talk much anymore, and partly it's that smartphones are much more interesting, but also social interaction isn't really that necessary anymore: you don't need to ask people what the time is, you don't need to talk to get the news, you don't need to talk to learn how to refinance your mortgage or change a spare tire, it's all online, you can just "google it." Very little useful knowledge is coming from the idle conversation experience. Plus, when you strike up a conversation with someone you realize that there's a good chance you're NEVER gonna see them again and that knowledge about their family history, what their interests are, etc. are just going to go to waste and fade away eventually (unless you have a REALLY good memory) 

That's why when I see a big bar or worse, BREWERY (the new big thing, apparently, getting beer straight from the source like the Holy Grail) and people sitting and just drinking beer, I realize that's just for me, this whole sit and talk thing. When I go to parties, I wish there were more activities other than just stand around and talking to people. Don't get me wrong, (I think) I'm pretty good at talking to people, but do we really need to do it for 3 or 4 hours every Saturday night? Also, if sending out an email longer than 50 words instantly becomes "TL: DR" (Too long, did not read) even though it would take like 1 minute to read, then why are people still meeting face to face for HOURS to talk idly about stuff that's probably less important. Sigh, society. 

Fantasize on, 

Robert Yan 

Attitude (態度)

Attitude is a very important concept in most cultures, and Japanese and Chinese have the same characters for it, called "Taido" in Japanese or "Taidu" in Chinese.

Living in Washington DC has allowed me to participate in the society of one of the most populated areas in the U.S. After a week or so, I feel like there's definitely something different about this city than L.A. (L.A. is one of the more diverse cities in the world, so that's probably easy to say) 

1.) Train station conductors are actually really friendly. It's like taking a page out of Japan's subways: always someone manning the train station ready to answer questions. If I were stuck inside a box with not-so-great air conditioning all day I'd be pretty cranky, but these guys weren't that bad. As opposed to Los Angeles, where there's no train station box, and people are just milling about, and it's even more dusty, dark and depressing, it's actually pretty refreshing. 

2.) Drivers are VERY horn-happy. Not saying that Los Angeles drivers are very good or not crazy (some are), but say what you will, L.A. doesn't honk THAT much. Maybe in DC it's cuz the plethora of buses and taxis breed a culture of "honk to get your way," but it is VERY prevalent, even among the common people in their automobiles. I never thought honking did much except when it's to get someone's attention who doesn't know you're there, or they didn't know the red light changed to green...the revenge honk has never seemed that effective to me. But in DC, it seems like a common retaliatory method and understood as part of the culture. Maybe it's cuz it's even harder than LA to get around L.A.... there's a light to stop at almost every 500 feet, that'd make me (already an impatient driver) pretty bonkers too. 

3.) Not sure why it's this way, but at work there's definitely more of a "shut up and get our work done" attitude at work. I've had much more conversations during work with co-workers on the West Coast vs. working on the East Coast. Adds to the business-like paradigm of the East Coast. It's not necessarily that bad, probably more efficient work-wise to just concentrate on one's work exclusively, and it could just be a coincidence based on the sample size, but I personally prefer the more laid-back attitude and cooperative effort of communicating more (so far). 

4.) Attitude towards jaywalking is very lax. Saw a sign the other day indicating "Don't walk on red," but seems unlikely to be enforced, quite a change from LA where stories of jaywalking tickets being handed out convince enough people to stay put on red. However, in DC this "pedestrian heaven" attitude allows walkers to just go willy-nilly, causing infuriating situations for people in a car or on a bus like me this morning who's screaming at the lone pedestrian crossing who's holding up a busload of people trying to get to where they're going. Not a very utilitarian and economic solution, this pedestrian-favoring attitude. 

The Japanese have a phrase though, called, 郷に入れば郷に従え, or 入鄉隨俗 in Chinese. If you enter a village, you have to abide by the village's rules. Or adapt to their attitudes, in this case. 

Mattress (マットレス)

I've slept on many surfaces during my life, and I'm beginning to come up with theories about how where you sleep symbolizes where you are in your life ( I know, me having theories is a pretty dangerous thing). A quick list of the places I've slept on willingly:

1.) On my childhood bed in my own bedroom (most common)
2.) In hotel rooms (all around the world)
3.) in my car (was very numerous when I was in law school/ living a nomad life)
4.) in airports (between flights, didn't want to spend time/money to go to a hotel)
5.) in hostels (not a comfortable mattress)
6.) in a cubicle (a late night internet cafe in Aoyama my first night in Tokyo, by myself, nowhere to go....long story.
7.) bunk bed with college roommates (most noisy but also the most communal/ social)
8.) on people's couches (best part of waking up is not knowing exactly where you are)
9.) in the office at work on a makeshift bed between 2 rolling chairs situated next to each other. Not my best moment, but I didn't want to make an hour drive home and then back the next day with dawn coming just around the corner, so resorted to just sleeping at the office. Not my finest moment, although many of these on this list fall probably into the same category.
10.) my aunt and uncle's home in Shanghai, China.....this was usually in the middle of summer, and I was just absolutely eaten alive my mosquitos despite the mosquito nets spread around the bed.


I listened to a Freakonomics radio podcast (really informative podcast full of interesting tidbits and facts, advertised rightly for SMART listeners) recently about the price of mattresses and they are actually surprisingly high.....mattresses can sell up to hundreds of dollars, even a thousand! based on the name brand or the quality of the mattress. I can attest that a comfortable mattress is really comfortable, from having stayed in really fancy hotels, but once I learn the price of the hotel room and probably what the mattress sold for (top dollar), I don't feel as comfortable. A big part of it is how my body feels in the morning; I haven't really not been able to sleep due to the mattress being too uncomfortable or lumpy, but there is such a thing as "better sleep" that I get a feel of if my body was comfortable. I really don't understand, by the way, how Japanese people sleep on futons that are basically on the floor; for a time I slept on a mattress right on the ground, and it wasn't great but I was a kid and I didn't know any better, but sleeping on the ground just feels uncomfortable; so many joints and muscles that are in contact with a hard surface, I could see my back cramping up and not being able to get up as quickly, definitely not recommended the night before a big athletic event or even a big test where you want every part of your body rested (including the brain).

Mattress quality, apparently depends on the tightness of the fabric, something about how the mattress is made, how many threads are in the lining, the ability to custom fit the mattress to one's back, etc. It's kind of like diamonds or computers for me: All sort of gibberish that's rarely outweighed by the single factor of how well I feel when sleeping on it. The sign of a good mattress, incidentally, is kind of like having a nice car: being able to sleep on a REALLY nice mattress might feel nice and it's nice to have, but it's kind of not necessary; the nicest Ferraris or sports cars or easy on the eyes and go fast, but it doesn't really help you get there any faster (since there are traffic laws, and well, for sleeping, you only get so many hours of the day to sleep). It's a bit of a status symbol, a luxury that has the slightest bit of added utility, but when it comes down to it, my best sleep is on my own bed, in my own room, on the same mattress (like mom's home cooking, I'm just used to it!) that I've slept on since I was 12 years old. I sleep on there after a long and tiring day and a good meal, and I am out and having a great dream! That is definitely what I want! (except to share the bed with my lovely girlfriend!) Yay!

Fantasize on,

Robert Yan

ワシントンDC

 I've been to Washington D.C. several times in my life, but I've probably read about the city more times than I've actually been there. All kinds of genres of books from political non-fiction to news sagas (All the President's Men) to children's novels like Percy Jackson have used Washington D.C. as a plot device. It comes up in movies all the time, from Independence Day to "The West Wing" (tv series) "White House down" to any movie about presidents ever .

When I visited Washington DC as a kid, it was more of a distraction: I didn't really know the magnitude of where I was, I just was just happy to be on a class trip with classmates away from my parents, I didn't need to know where I was. When I visited as a college student with Alternative Spring Break, I witnessed the majesty of Washington DC at night: the reflecting pool, the iconic National mall, but I was also chasing after the affections of another trip member on the trip and thinking of ways to impress her, so I was pretty distracted to get a full understanding of the city. I guess I always figured I'd have another chance to come back since it's so iconic.

It's almost surreal that the White House is where it is: an ordinary street of restaurants, stoplights, etc. gives way suddenly to one of the most iconic buildings in the U.S., the world, essentially the real world equivalent of the Iron Thorne for whom the resident controls the most important position of the free world. I've always thought that the President shouldn't actually live in the White House, or any special house at all: why not live amongst the people, because a true populist leader, who understands how most people live and not some fancy castle-like structure that gives rise to fears of elitism and class warfare; more importantly, the people would know that the President was a man (or woman) amongst themselves and actually cared about them.I know the White House has some nice percs like first class dining and awesome rooms and portraits of all the former Presidents and is one of the iconic rooms in history and the President can escape in Air Force One immediately in the event of an alien attack, but the message to the people, I feel would be stronger: no one person is above all others.  If I were President of the US (impossible under the current laws), I'd try to do that. If I were the leader of any country, I'd do that: forget the Imperial Palace in Tokyo, forget Buckingham Palace, etc., take a page from the movies and have the President be a man of the people.

It's also pretty amazing that some of the most important laws and court decisions are made in this city, the center of political power and where decisions are made that change the course of history. Outside the Senate building is.......a bunch of tourists, outside the Supreme Court is.....a bunch of tourists and on weekdays like today, just regular civilians going to work. There IS a pokecenter in the White House and all those other iconic buildings, though, so that's another feather in their hat in terms of relevancy. I guess the whole idea of all the lawmaking being in a physical location isn't as important as it used to be.....the laws of the country could e made on an online chat forum if needed, really. Maybe Congress, the White House, and all other places will eventually just be online or computer entities that aren't physically located anywhere, just abstract ideas much like our entire existence kind of is. (That got metaphysical really quick, sorry) 

D.C. is much more humid than Los Angeles- like many East coast cities, Washington DC gets hot and humid in the summer, and prone to thunderstorms. I'm starting to understand why L.A. seems to have so many homeless people and more than what seems like any other city in the country: if I were homeless, I'd want to be in LA too cuz you could actually survive in LA: through the winters, through the hot summers, the only thing I'd worry about is a water source. Here in D.C., water is kinda free....restaurants and hotels give it out without too much hassle, and there's actually water fountains! What a relief in the summer.


Fantasize on,

Robert Yan

Retirement (引退する)

Recently in the sports world there have been a plethora of retirement announcements: in baseball alone there's been Prince Fielder (forced to retire due to a neck injury), Adam LaRoche (earlier in the year due to not being allowed to bring his son into the locker room), and possibly the most hated athlete in the universe, Alex Rodriguez (released by the Yankees). In the Olympics, the immortal Michael Phelps retired at 31 years old this past weekend after 16 years of dominance in swimming, records set and probably set forever, never to be broken. Highlight reels of an athlete's various accomplishments and best plays are all well and good, but retirement speeches are pretty excruciating, probably for both the player involved as well as those watching: it's like a funeral, and the deceased is giving a speech about himself. A bit morbid, but in a sense it is a burial of a big part of an athlete's life: their main purpose in life, their career, their stardom, all put to rest, signifying the end of their relevancy in professional sports where they ride off into the sunset, not to be heard of again (if they're lucky and avoid serious debilitating injury or some kind of scandal) until their actual death. Nothing says "this is the end" more than a retirement speech.


I've played it out in mind before, my theoretical retirement: flashbulbs popping, everybody gathered around a media room, I'm dressed in a suit, surrounded by family and friends, my organization (fantasy baseball, dodgeball, or whatever) introduced me: "Ladies and gentlemen, I have the pleasure of introducing the 15- year veteran, all-star player, member of the community, great teammate and winner of the Sportsman of the Year for 5 years, Robert Yan." (applause, general excitement and buzz as I walk to the podium."
I, Robert Yan, the first of his name, (borrowing from Game of Thrones)  hereby announce my retirement and departure of the game. I wish I had many more years to give to the game and more importantly to delude my own ego into thinking I'm still at the top of my game, but honestly my performance has been going downhill for quite a while now and it's really embarrassing for me to watching myself play (fantasy baseball/dodgeball) and compare it to videos taken during the peak of my powers. There's really no comparison. I'm a shell of my former self. At least I have my wonderful girlfriend and family here with me, otherwise this would be a total loss and I'd have nothing to fall back on and my life would be a wreck. I'm gonna miss playing with my teammates, with my coaches, and I know I'm gonna miss them a hell of a lot more than they're going to miss me: they're gonna just keep playing with no players, no fresh young talent that's better than I was and they'll be grateful to have me gone. It's a weird thing, time: when you're young and trying to get better you can't wait for the next tournament to get there so you can show the world your talents, but when you're done and out of the game you want for all the world just to go back to that time you were so desperate to jump forward in time. When you're old and you're fat, that's the only thing you can fall back on: the old days. (line from Charles Barkley) In closing I'd like to just thank everybody for being there with me the whole time during my career from the start, even though it was probably not the best decision because I wasn't very good and took a miracle to actually be half decent at this game, but I'm glad you guys took a chance on me and I really hope you guys don't just run off to embrace the new young talent and forget about me. Thanks (in tears now),

Robert Yan

Pinewood Derby

Today I got a blast from the past in the form of the pinewood derby.... A little-known event that I did during Boy Scouts (or was it Cub Scouts? I could never really remember). Every kid makes a small wooden car with wheels and enters it into a race with other kids' cars where they go down a long ramp..... Actually pretty exciting for a kid, unless you lost all the time, which I did. Probably one of the first experiences of losing and losing in embarrassing fashion that motivated me to be as competitive as I am.
I like games and competition. I convinced my girlfriend to go to Coney Island to visit the home of the annual Nathan's Famous hot dog eating contest, I loved to play mafia and balderdash and group party games when I was a kid, I'm absolutely enthralled with this "goldfish scooping" summer activity that I've never tried but that they have in Japan where kids try to scoop goldfish out of an artificial pond with small nets. I personally think adults waste their time too much with drinking, chatting, and talking a parties. You can chat all you want on Facebook and text without even being present in person! But classic party games, with the laughing and joking and cooperating and stuff, you actually do need to be together and in the same location. Cmon adults! Make me feel like a kid again with more party games before that part of me totally dies away! (When I turn 30!)

On a somewhat tangential note, part of the intrigue of the Olympics is watching some sorts that I don't see very often, like archery, track and field, gymnastics, beach volleyball, etc. I absolutely avoid watching basketball or tennis if I can, and still haven't ever seen judo or a number of other sports, mainly because (as my girlfriend so expertly pointed out) America only shows the sports Americans are good at, and those tend to usually be swimming (Phelps), women's vollyeball (Misty May , Karrie Walsh) and gymnastics (McKayla Mulroney is not impressed). Even track has now lost a little luster now that the US isn't good and Usain Bolt is the only star garnering attention.We wait 4 long years for the Olympics, why not show all of the sports and get a taste of all of them? I can honestly say I've never seen the "canoe spring," "taekwondo," "synchonized swimming." The triathlon, though, that's a sight to see. And still coming up! Thursday, August 18. 

Today I got a feeling that took me back. Natsukashii! 懐かしい

Fantasize on, 

Robert Yan 

Balls (ボール)

I like balls. Putting aside for a second the perverse meaning that most people commonly associate with that statement, I've always liked playing sports that involve sports. (I've always told people I might have been a dog in a past life), I always like chasing after balls. Something about a ball holds so many possibilities, it can go in so many different directions and holding a ball gives one a great sense of power, like, "If I have a ball, I can do almost anything." Most boys like sports, and I certain did as a kid, but I always liked the ball sports more: I didn't like chasing around people while playing tag, or doing monkey bars, or working out, or climbing up a rope, I liked playing basketBALL, baseBALL, and Soccer. Dodgeball is just a manifestation of that, with even more balls put in play: as opposed to one ball in play at all times, dodgeball utilizes multiple balls, flying around at different speeds wildly. On a very basic level, my love of dodgeball revolves around being able to throw a lot of balls, chasing them around, and also (hopefully) catching them as they come to me. For a ball-priority "athlete" myself, it's really a dream come true.

My girlfriend does not like balls. She does not like if a ball flies around her, and especially not if a ball hits her in the face. When she plays basketball ( I force her to come with me to the playground to play basketball), she awkwardly flings the ball in the air with 2 hands with no arch, slamming off the backboard in a hail mary attempt to somehow have the ball wind up in the basket. When she does exercise, she does rock climbing and walking/running, not exactly the most ball-heavy of endeavors. But we're all different, and I love her for it.

Balls are symbolic of a lot of things, but to me they symbolize the bond that links a team together, whether it be a basketball team, Olympic volleyball team, or (for me) a traveling dodgeball team. Unlike running or lifting or other activities that can only be measured in times and collective effort (maybe hugs, but it's kinda disgusting to hug someone's sweaty body after they've been running or lifting), ball sports allow teams to share the ball amongst themselves, both off the court in throwing balls to each other in practice and developing a rhythm amongst themselves to sharing the ball on the court, showing trust in each other by passing the ball(s) to each other to transfer that power of having the ball (and ideally, scoring points, getting opponents out, etc.)  to each other, to get the ball from one place to the desired common goal. Finally, the thrill of chasing down a ball that is just ahead of one (like a dog doggedly going after a ball its owner has flung) is similar to that competitive desire of chasing down a championship, of the goal being oh so close in front of you but oh so far, of continuing to strive until you at long last hunt down that ball and make it one's own, that's the thrill of ball sports.

Basically, my point is, a ball is not just a tool for a game, it symbolizes so much more. And that's why I love it.

Fantasize on,

Robert Yan

Test (試験)

When I was in high school and college, it seemed my life was full of tests. Subject tests, AP tests, college placement tests (ACT and SAT), Illinois standardized tests, there always seemed to be some test to study for every night, and sometimes on Fridays, multiple tests. Now that I'm in the working world, though, tests don't come that often, or come in the form of other experiences: job interviews, performance reviews, client presentations, business lunches, etc., but not in the "sit down and you have 3 hours to do this" kind of format. The closest thing that comes to a big test I've done recently is the California bar exam (more than 5 years ago!) and the Japanese/ Chinese foreign language proficiency exam I take for certain jobs to show that I am qualified to do work in a foreign language. Other than that, though, not much to study for! As a result, I sort of........miss tests. 

Tests is one of the few things left in this world nowadays that people do without the use of their cell phones......I guess sleeping, athletic events (even running though, allows people access to their phones), live conversation, and such are others, although they don't exactly simulate the environment of a test, where one is completely honed into the subject matter, no distractions like checking one's phone and refreshing one's email every few minutes. A test is a sort of a conversation between one and the testtaker, at the end of which hopefully the testee (me) demonstrates to the testor (whoever wants to assess my abilities) that I've fully understood the materials. I never liked essays or papers for this reason... papers are subjective, no certain things that the reader is looking other than their own interpretation of what the writing is or how it meshes with their own experiences. A test is set up like a road, where certain obstacles appear on that road and is up to the test-taker to pick up on it or not, there are certain things the administrator is looking for, almost an inside joke between the 2 people in the conversation to see if you "get it" or not. Plenty of times during a test I have a "oh I see what they're doing there" reaction to the test. It challenges the mind and sort of justifies to the test-taker all the time put into to studying for the test, of cramming all that knowledge into one's head......finally allowing for one to spill forth all that knowledge and apply it. I've always said that actually taking a test (unless it's a law school exam, in which I sucked at spotting all the issues) is not that bad of an experience, it's actually a liberating experience, like a detective trying to solve the mystery, while packed with tons of tools and information from having accumulated during those tough, grueling study hours that are actually what makes tests so formidable. The actual test? kind of intellectually challenging and I sort of like it in a perverse way. And the best part is, after the test, letting loose and doing something to reward yourself until the next test. Who knows when that will be for me. 

Fantasize on, 

Robert Yan 

Failure is the Mother of Success (失败是成功之母)

Chinese proverb time! A similar phrase to an American proverb, there's similar "mother" proverbs in other languages, including "Necessity is the mother of Invention."

This weekend, I had the pleasure of participating in one of the greatest events I've ever watched or participated in: The Ultimate Dodgeball Championship 2016, 5-on-5 dodgeball on trampolines with a $20,000 grand prize for the winning team, thus attracting some of the best dodgeball teams in the country (and even the world! Canada and Australia sent teams) to compete. The organization is one of a precious few that improve every year it is run, making upgrades every year to its format, coupled with the number of teams that are willing to fly out to Las Vegas to participate. This year, I was lucky enough to join when it was at the apex of running smoothly, referee coverage (6 refs on every court reffing 10 total players!) and live result/ social media. And with 52 teams participating, it was similar to the NCAA March Madness College Basketball tournament, except instead of just filling out brackets and watching it at home I was able to compete as one of the teams in the tournament. An incredible feeling, taking on various teams in different regions and watching some of the greatest teams in dodgeball, trying to attain the best seed from round robin play on Thrusday and Friday then scouting out possible opponents when the brackets for single elimination were announced for Saturday. I lived out my boyhood dream of being the "cinderella team" that no one had heard of and upsetting the defending champions Team Awesome (extremely classy team btw) and then JUST falling short of making it to the Top 8 on Sunday losing to a great team in Team Black 2-1 (Best of 3). I had a very intense 3 days but one of the best experiences ever, letting out all my competitive juices and thinking and living the tournament night and day, barely able to sleep, barely able to eat because I was so excited and looking forward to the next match. It beat any vacation I've ever taken and any natural high I've ever had beating Team Awesome, and I wish everyone in the world with competitive desires is able the chance to experience what I experience: The thrill of a tournament. Hopefully I'll be able to go next year and the year after that!

For me, though, I always, always agonize over the final game of any tournament, the game that we lost. I think almost any competitor thinks the same thing: replaying over and over the game in one's head (and in my case, on video because I recorded the game on video). It's a constant battle of "what if?" that lasts until the next time I play dodgeball, and the only thing allowing me some comfort is that this failure might lead to future success. I can learn from having lost that game, having stepped on the middle pad in a careless manner, to little moves that our team should have done. I think that's the beauty of competition: it wouldn't be that fun if it was so easy, just go into my first ever UDC tournament and win it all (although towards the end of the tournament I felt our team was coming together so well that we had a shot against almost any team), it's the journey to get there, the path of tons of failures, lots of losses, but of analyzing those losses (with the help of my trust GoPro that I carry with me everywhere now) and building on them to the path towards success. That's the most exciting part of all this, and eventually if the ultimate success does come, will make the victory that much sweeter.

Fantasize on,

Robert Yan

Regular Diet (常食)

My girlfriend (as wonderful as she is!) have been having "minor" scuffles recently about my regular diet, probably a common theme among couples that begins in the dating stage and lasts until eternity (exciting!) Mostly, I've become accustomed to eating like my college days, something that hasn't worn off despite me being on the verge of being 30 due to being able to burn it off and make up for mistakes through a high volume of exercise. In the last few weeks, though, I've noticed a bit of weight gain as well as waist gain (a lot of belly fat) and it might be time to make a change. It's pretty embarrassing watching dodgeball videos of myself and noticing the belly sticking out especially if I'm wearing tighter clothing. Like the opposite of a six-pack.

One big thing I've noticed is that rice can inflate the body as well as the scale reading: my parents always raised me on the assumption that "I was a growing boy" and more or less pushed to have me eat 2 bowls of rice every night with my dinner, something that's not terrible but accompanied with all the other primary food groups that I also consume, serve to sometimes (literally) inflate my stomach.....I can feel it expanding after a meal sometimes, very scary feeling. There's definitely foods, too, that make me lose my mind and want to eat more and more.........I stop at nothing and eat like a madman, and I don't talk to people while savaging through an entire meal......that's pretty unhealthy.

The one thing I do counter my girlfriend, though, is she sort of favors the camp where EVERYTHING is bad for you. Literally almost every food is a heart attack waiting to happen, or will catch up to me in a few years, or is VERY BAD for you to have for dinner, and VERY VERY BAD to have right before going to sleep. It's a bit blown out of proportion, and despite my eating habits being so deadly, it hasn't killed me yet. Sure there's merit to a balanced diet, but letting loose once in a while and not sacrificing taste isn't too bad neither. There are exceptions, of course, but in general the universal adage of "if it tastes good, it's bad for it" holds mostly true. oil and sugar and fat have over the course of many generations of evolution been made to taste good for human beings, so it's challenging to correct it.

One proposed compromise I've found recently though: Tofu. Looks just like meat, has a similar texture as meat, can be cooked like meat (tofu steak, MaPo tofu, etc.) but is kind of a vegetable, and doesn't have the harmful health problems associated with meat. (Time Magazine recently did an article where studies show consuming meat has a correlation with developing cancer). If I was forced to give up meat one day by my doctor or my girlfriend, it would be very tough going cold turkey (no pun intended), but tofu wouldn't be a bad consolation prize/ Nicotine gum. Other foods include low-fat, non-cooked items like sushi. Aw man, I could write a whole article now about the merits of sashimi (I basically already have), a big change from just a few years ago, but the downside to that is......it isn't filling enough. Tofu has a similar problem. The big ticket items that make my stomach satisfied, meat and rice, are.....you guessed it, VERY BAD for you.


So normal diet needs like a little tweaking. On sports days, though, I have a special diet: bananas. Eggs. Sugar is an absolute no-no before a big match, because I find it gives me about 20 seconds of max power coming out of the gate, and then just a massive breakdown as all the energy seems to leave my body. Even a nutrition newbie like me has heard of anecdotes about eating too much food slowing one down, and I've seen it in my performance: through the course of examining performance after levels of food eaten, I've found that light meals (with a banana!) of course before the game gives the best results: body is kind of balanced, has enough energy to burn rather than an empty stomach, and I get a spring in my step. Plus, after the game when I've become super tired and hungry, I can still have a full dinner! (of tofu and healthy foods from now on, apparently.)