Domestic Violence (家庭内暴力)

Yesterday I volunteered at the L.A. Superior Court at the Domestic Violence Project for victims dealing with domestic abuse and using the legal system to seek relief. Basically, helping people get temporary restraining orders (TRO's) from their spouses or significant others, could be just girlfriend/ boyfriend or the mother of their baby, as I found out.

When my co-worker suggested that I volunteer for the Domestic Violence Project, I was hesitant at first: was I qualified to volunteer in this area? Did I have to be a woman to talk to women who had been abused by their husbands/boyfriends? Did I need to have some first-hand experience in domestic abuse to empathize with the victims? Did I need to put my legal thinking hat on and know some case law for temporary restraining order standards?

Turns out I didn't need to be that worried. The answers were: I was qualified if I was computer literate (I am, most of the time), I did not need to be a woman (in fact, a substantial portion of domestic abuse victims are men!) I did not need first-hand experience, but the lead attorney did and could share some of her experience to chat with the victims, while I had to be more businesslike, and finally the standards for getting a TRO are pretty straightforward, need to show some sort of continuing harm and that the victim fears for his or her safety and a history of abuse. I pretty much got thrown into the fire the first day and talked to 2 different abuse victims, both me, who were filing for TRO against their girlfriends. It's not that the guys can't overpower the women, it's just they don't want to hit women given the standards in today's society, and in these 2 particular cases the women were crazier and more inclined to fight than the men. The victims came from all different demographics, from different races to different genders to different ages: one of my clients had graying hair and seemed to be in his fifties, while some women came in with young children but didn't look older than me. Unfortunately, there were quiet a few victims lined up to try to get TRO's, and quite a large percentage had children and were taking their child to court. These cases are much more complicated than just a simple TRO against a significant other, presence of children indicates custody battles which is handled by a different court. It is sad though: children see their parents fighting and blame it on themselves for having their parents fight, leaving large psychological trauma and scars. Studies show that children who have parents with domestic violence are much more likely to be abusers themselves. Not a good start, and the LA Superior Court is just the end result of a cycle of broken relationships and deep emotional trauma that gets passed on to the next generation.

I didn't necessarily feel that good about myself after volunteering for 4 hours in the morning, but I did feel I gained more knowledge about how other parts of society live, gained an appreciation for how awesome my life is compared to some others, with 2 parents who stayed together and love each other most of the time and never engaging in any abuse. It's not like I was curing cancer or saving anyone's life by helping people get a restraining order against others, in fact it might be complicating others' lives, but I guess it's part of the legal process and I was advancing the legal process for others in society for no cost. It didn't warm my soul, but I did feel I was part of something other than myself. Not as fun or gratifying as my girlfriend's job of helping schoolchildren learn in Kenya! Yay!

Fantasize on,

Robert Yan