Domestic Violence (家庭内暴力)

Yesterday I volunteered at the L.A. Superior Court at the Domestic Violence Project for victims dealing with domestic abuse and using the legal system to seek relief. Basically, helping people get temporary restraining orders (TRO's) from their spouses or significant others, could be just girlfriend/ boyfriend or the mother of their baby, as I found out.

When my co-worker suggested that I volunteer for the Domestic Violence Project, I was hesitant at first: was I qualified to volunteer in this area? Did I have to be a woman to talk to women who had been abused by their husbands/boyfriends? Did I need to have some first-hand experience in domestic abuse to empathize with the victims? Did I need to put my legal thinking hat on and know some case law for temporary restraining order standards?

Turns out I didn't need to be that worried. The answers were: I was qualified if I was computer literate (I am, most of the time), I did not need to be a woman (in fact, a substantial portion of domestic abuse victims are men!) I did not need first-hand experience, but the lead attorney did and could share some of her experience to chat with the victims, while I had to be more businesslike, and finally the standards for getting a TRO are pretty straightforward, need to show some sort of continuing harm and that the victim fears for his or her safety and a history of abuse. I pretty much got thrown into the fire the first day and talked to 2 different abuse victims, both me, who were filing for TRO against their girlfriends. It's not that the guys can't overpower the women, it's just they don't want to hit women given the standards in today's society, and in these 2 particular cases the women were crazier and more inclined to fight than the men. The victims came from all different demographics, from different races to different genders to different ages: one of my clients had graying hair and seemed to be in his fifties, while some women came in with young children but didn't look older than me. Unfortunately, there were quiet a few victims lined up to try to get TRO's, and quite a large percentage had children and were taking their child to court. These cases are much more complicated than just a simple TRO against a significant other, presence of children indicates custody battles which is handled by a different court. It is sad though: children see their parents fighting and blame it on themselves for having their parents fight, leaving large psychological trauma and scars. Studies show that children who have parents with domestic violence are much more likely to be abusers themselves. Not a good start, and the LA Superior Court is just the end result of a cycle of broken relationships and deep emotional trauma that gets passed on to the next generation.

I didn't necessarily feel that good about myself after volunteering for 4 hours in the morning, but I did feel I gained more knowledge about how other parts of society live, gained an appreciation for how awesome my life is compared to some others, with 2 parents who stayed together and love each other most of the time and never engaging in any abuse. It's not like I was curing cancer or saving anyone's life by helping people get a restraining order against others, in fact it might be complicating others' lives, but I guess it's part of the legal process and I was advancing the legal process for others in society for no cost. It didn't warm my soul, but I did feel I was part of something other than myself. Not as fun or gratifying as my girlfriend's job of helping schoolchildren learn in Kenya! Yay!

Fantasize on,

Robert Yan

Pizza (ぴざ)

As can be surmised from the infrequency of posts about food on this blog, I'm not a foodie, I'm not very picky about food, and I don't crave certain types of food enough to NEED to have it. I get by. I don't need to experience a million varieties of food out there and don't have a "bucket list" of foods that I need to try before I die. When I go on vacation, getting the local cuisine or visiting a special restaurant is way down on the list. That said, I do have some foods that I go to time and time again: if it tastes good, I want more of it.

In my hometown of Camarillo (my parents' hometown actually and where I go for free food, my favorite type of food) there is a specialty pizzeria called Toppers Pizza, which sells specialty pizzas like Creamy Garlic Chicken, Carnitas Chipotle Pizza, etc. Something about their pizzas are different than others: they just have a great texture on the bite, and each bite is packed with flavor. They don't even use tomato sauce: it's a mix of different cheeses and sauces that differentiates itself from the average pizza. Our family has been a regular customer (once every 2 months or so) for several years. If I had any advice to anyone opening a restaurant (I've said this before I think in a blog post), it's MAKE THE FOOD TASTE GOOD. A lot of people get caught up in the grand opening and the ceremony and the newness of stuff, I actually don't buy that as much. I personally think 85 degrees is not that good taste wise (it has great pomp and circumstance and hype and colorful bags to surround the bread/pastries, but other than the red bean paste stuff, it really just isn't that good), and it doesn't make me come again and again to get it. Pizza does.....once every 2 weeks or so, I'll want pizza, and if I want quality pizza, I'll go to Toppers Pizza. It's really that simple for customers like me. That's how businesses stay afloat, it's what I believe those in the business call "a sustainable business model." 

As I grow older, my tastes have also changed. When I was a kid I used to swear by peanut butter sandwiches (just peanut butter, not jelly)......and I still do. But I also loved cheeseburgers and hot dogs and McDonald's and fast food and ice cream, and those things just don't appeal to me anymore. Part of the reason is of course the caloric content and now understanding what kind of things I put in my body, but it's also cuz I just don't get any gratification out of eating bland hot dogs and whatnot. Maybe when I'm really hungry after a big sports event and need to fill myself up, maybe, but I've really started to get the delicacy and subtle flavor of salads and sushi. Sure the juiciness and unadultered sweetness of ice cream make me feel good, but I realize those are sort of "easy fixes," guaranteed to make the body happy because the body craves those things. Sushi, though, has a certain texture as one is chewing that makes me crave it some nights when I'm just a little hungry (it certainly doesn't fill one up) and the soy sauce just really brings out the flavor.

There's a Poke restaurant my girlfriend and I go to on Tuesday nights after Japanese class (I'm a man of habit I guess) that really hits my taste buds. It doesn't exactly make me full to the brim, but I come out of it feeling very satisfied and not overly fattened (not too many calories). It's a hard balance to strike, feeling satisfied taste wise and both not too much food and not insufficient so as to still feel hungry, especially with Poke. Pizza.....can fill me up for most of the day due to the cheese and dough content.

I think as adults get older their tastes evolve but also their budgets evolve (I can afford a lot more than I can when I was 13 years old), and so I take more chances with food and figure out what I can and don't like. Then you have people who worry about animals and food preparation methods (rightly, as I've heard a lot of horror stories in those arenas) and get introduced into a whole wild world of salads and vegetables. And just wait until I am over 30, when my metabolism changes and I can't eat as much! O man that's gonna be a really tough pill to swallow, especially for me who obsesses over every bit of weight gain to not go over the imaginary boundary of 180 pounds that I promised myself not to go over (the suggested overweight line for 5-9/5-10 men like myself is right around there). 

So pretty soon I'll have to cut back. But for now, more, more pizza! 

Fantasize on, 

Robert Yan 

Massage (anma)

Unfortunately when I looked for the Japanese translation for massage on google, it came up with dozens of inappropriate websites, which makes sense given the connotation of massage, but the predominant usage is still the relaxing, stress-relieving technique.

I just recently learned how to give a massage,and it was really empowering: I had always been the massagee, not the massager. Giving a massage takes quite a bit of hand strength, arm strength, and endurance, due to the fact you're manipulating all the contours of the body> I always feel like I'm hurting my girlfriend with how hard I'm trying to knead her shoulders and back, but she says it's ok.


Massages illustrate a very simple point of human interaction which is that physical touch is very important: just being able to touch another human being makes others feel closer to someone. Same thing with hugs, handshakes, pats on the back, holding hands, etc. Which is probably why I've never felt that intimate with anyone other than my girlfriend, which is why I am SUPER awkward with hugs (never go in for one, and dont' give a real hearty hug like others expect), and get labeled as a wet fish, and perceived as somewhat cold. Sorry everyone! I remember the first time I tried to give a massage to a friend and the friend laughed because I was so bad at it due to never having done it (you gotta start somewhere, right?) I was also really hesitant to touch a female friend in case she felt weirded out, sexual harassment, etc., so I was barely mvoing my hands, which is not the way to a good massage, nor a good hug. I've been scarred ever since and never really gave mI've always associated bonding and intimate moments as just time one spends together in the company of someone, laughing at some jokes, doing a sport together, playing a game, going on a road trip, just time spent together, which is how my parents kind of raised me: I don't think I've ever hugged my parents, very little contact besides the occasional pat on the back. It's just not our family way, and I realize now that other families require that to be intimidate, and my girlfriend would prefer physical touching too to show caring. I'll work on that, but for now please, world, understand that when I'm making jokes or laughing with you, that's my way of hugging/ showing companionship, and that great big hugs have always been awkward for me, much less full on massages!

Fantasize on,

Robert Yan

Bicycle (自転車)

Recently a new development has cropped up in the busy downtown area of Los Angeles: no not 85 degrees, although that was pretty cool, I now get a chance to get fresh baked goods and increase my waistline with the store just a stone's throw away. No not food trucks, those abound aplenty in downtown LA, especially around the hours of 11am-2PM. No, not an underground tunnel system, although that'd be AWESOME to avoid the heat in the summer (actually probably every other city should get that before LA, it hardly ever rains or snows or otherwise become inpassable). There's a brand new Macy's plus other stores fancy shopping mall near us. Not not Whole Foods, that's been around awhile and legitamizes Los Angeles as a real downtown, at least in hipsters' eyes; no not the new Korean Airlines building, that's still under construction and won't be complete until 2017, although every day I'm reminded of its gradual progression and construction (by the loud noises of steel and workers yelling). No not  the new slide on top of the US Tower Building, that was cool while it lasted I heard but now someone's suing so it'll probably go on hiatus if not permanently abandoned (damn lawyers and this litigious society). Come to think of it, there have been A LOT of new developments in downtown LA since Eric Garcetti took over as mayor, and from what I heard from his interview with Freakonomics, he seems like a knowledgable guy who generally cares about the city. Which is probably why the housing prices are increasing, probably.


No, what I'm talking about is the brand spanking  new bicycle system in downtown LA where one can rent a bicycle from one of the many tands around downtown LA and ride it to another spot and drop off that bicycle in that area. It debuted in the summer and is probably meant more for tourists than office workers, but it is an interesting option, if not for the fact it's a little overpriced at $3.50 for 30 minutes or sign up for the monthly plan. Downtown Los Angeles is actually a surprisingly nice downtown in certain parts, near Grand Park and city hall and Little Tokyo, but venture too far off the grid near Skid Row and it becomes extraordinarily nasty. If I were just visiting LA though and visiting the city for the firt time like I've done for many other cities in the US I'd grade it pretty high, except for the fact there are really no big buildings, no skyline. But the scenery is nice. The best view of LA, contrary to what 500 Days of Summer would assert (Angel's Flight, which is actually now closed to the public so you can't even get there anyway) is behind the Ketchum YMCA on Grand on the bridge to the Bonaventure Westin Hotel........a serene look down Flower Street all the way down to the I-10 on a clear day south, and Dodger Stadium and the Chavez Ravine to the north. Really pretty cool and worth it for a visitor to rent a bike to get to these places without wasting too much time. Surpringsly hilly in downtown LA though, too, which can be a good thing or a bad thing on a bike, depending on if you're going uphill or downhill. (Best to start on highest ground like Grand Ave. near the Walt Disney Hall, then roll downhill.

Regardless of the views, though, biking in LA just doesn't seem like a great idea from a safety perspective: lots of skateboarders, other cyclists, pedestrians all sharing the road with real cars, with no bike lanes and skinny sidewalks. No strict helmet law for people over 18, so you're free to ride carelessly and dangerously. LA drivers have a reputation of being crazy, and I must admit trying to drive with buses police cars and pedestrians and now bicyclists added to the mix is just tedious and open to accidents. This isn't Shanghai or other parts of China, LA is built for cars, and I understand the city's desire to shift to other modes of traffic than carz (great job getting a light rail all the way to Santa Monica, that was awesome!) but I'm not sure but until there are some bike lanes and bike-suitable roads it just seems like trying to throw stuff against a wall and see what sticks.

Fantasize on,

Robert Yan

Pokemon (ポケットモンスター)

It's rare that a phenomenon can strike twice especially in the era of smartphones and the Information Age; sequels and throwbacks just don't work as well, and many phase out pretty quickly upon re-introduction: think Independence Day 2 that bombed recently. Mainly in entertainment whether it be movies, theatrical productions, music tours, or other types, the attraction can only be replicated and somewhat enhanced (with maybe a 3D element to a movie), but not revolutionized: fans/audiences realize that it's the same old formula, they recover from their nostalgia quickly and move on to the next big thing, making sure to give it a pity "like" on facebook or 3 stars on Yelp. Basketball fans have throwback jersey nights where the team wears jerseys from 20 or 30 years ago, but that's the one night they roll them out. Generally, The cult following will really appreciate bringing that thing back, but other than that the mainstream population will eventually dismiss the re-vamped version as "been there, done that," and not catch fire in a meaningful way.

Which is what makes Pokemon: Go so revolutionary. Pokemon was a game that caught fire in the late 1990's (after "Warhead candies" and "Crazy Bones" if I remember correctly as a fad that grew organically, without the aid of social media (which makes it all the more amazing given what we know nowadays) and shows how high quality it was: a great concept of allowing gamers to catch pet-like creatures called Pokemon in a fictional world, raise them as pets, and battle against other trainers, constantly reinforcing the gamer by "leveling up" the Pokemon as well as encouraging catching new Pokemon to add the collection, a perfect token economy designed to make the gamer play again and again. I remember being so excited to get the game on GAME BOY COLOR (it was sold out for a while at the local Target) and playing for 4 hours in a setting the first time I got my hands on it. Very euphoric time as a 12 year old, I blocked out everything else including my Mom's call for dinner, friends who wanted to play outside, etc. It was truly a social phenomenon: there was the TV series, the trading card game, it stayed within the stream of conscious of my friend circle for a long time, and had staying power: my sister became the next generation to get addicted to the game, constantly asking me questions about the game It definitely faded a bit as the online game got a little old, but on Thursday, it came back in FULL FORCE as an Iphone app, and then the whole world changed: it coincided with one of the worst strings of violence against African Americans causing outcries by the entire American population for more police control over racism, almost as bad as the OJ Simpson and Rodney King days from what I understand, but as the weekend drew near the Pokemon app gained momentum, and by today even I got sucked into it (the last bastion of defense, I consider myself immune to social trends but for the most prevalent ones, so if I'm doing it EVERYONE's doing it. People at work are doing it. My whole dodgeball team's on Pokemon Go and were trying to catch Pokemon during the dodgeball game. Walking down the street I can see people walking with their head down with the app on their scrren. It's incredible.

Pokemon Go is what every kid who played Pokemon as a kid fantasized about when they were playing at age 10 or 13: walking around catching Pokemon in the real world, where the Pokemon can be caught and not harm people, only each other (sounds really ideal, doesn't it?) I remember that exact daydream actually walking home from school back in junior high and just fantazing about what has pretty much been achieved today: catching Pokemon in our real world. It's got a little something for everybody: the nurturing petlover who wants to raise pets can get the cat-like Meowth or the dog-like Growlithe, the competitive beat-everyone types can enjoy fighting pokemon like Machamp or Hitmonchan, the people who just like cute things can grab Pikachu and Charmander, the stylish people can just dress up their Pokemon trainer and get different color accessories, etc. Not only do kids like it, but adults my age like it due to bringing back memories and let's face it, it's just a great game. 

I can't believe I'm saying this because over the weekend I thought it was just a phase for people and that it'd fizzle out soon, but Pokemon Go might have some staying power due to setting up gyms and getting people to walk outside in the real world more: Go out there and catch them all! 

Fantasize on, 

Robert Yan 

Nails (爪 (Tsume)

My girlfriend recently brought up the fact that I don't ever cut my fingernails, or not that she ever noticed. I explained that there was an easy explanation: I never cut my fingernails because I always bite them off before they become long enough. It's been a bad habit of mine since I was a kid, and I don't think I've even once cut my nails with a clipper since I was about 13 years old: 16 years of chewing anxiously, trying to relieve stress by biting into something, ANYTHING. Also probably why I chomp down on my teeth at night while sleeping and feel soreness in my teeth the next day. (BTW, do you know that one of the biggest markup retail items are mattresses?) They charge like $600 for something they spent $250 to make. Incredible. A good night's sleep is valuable, but I've been fine using one mattress since I was 16, sleep like a baby every night.

I DO do my toenails, which would be pretty disgusting if I let them grow or (gasp) bit them off myself, I don't even think my mouth  could reach my toes. It's a pretty satisfying experience, walking around with freshly cut toenails, like I've shed some excess pounds or something, or shaved a full beard. So I should probably try to do so with my own nails.

My girlfriend, like many woman, paints her nails from time to time, and I understand the need to do so, to look nice and colorful, but I personally don't treat her any differently based on whether or not she did her nails. Not that I don't appreciate them, but it doesn't say much about her personality, it's just a nice bonus to her entire package. It's like an ornament on the top of a cake: nice to look at, but not edible and doesn't make the cake. Girls apparently take around an hour to do their nails, which I did not know. I'm not saying it's a waste of time, but I could personally have better use of an hour than doing my nails. My girlfriend is great and doesn't make me wait hardly ever, but I could see some marital conflict between married people or even just people in a relationship regarding how long takes to do nails, put on makeup, wear earrings, find exactly the right outfit, etc. I totally get that it's harder for one gender than the other (men just wear a suit and a tie, not much of a hassle there) but women can have hundreds of combinations of dresses, shoes, nails, headgear, etc., etc. etc. Decisions, decisions.

I guess what I'm saying is, nails are symbolic of the steps I have to take to become good in a relationship: I had no understanding of the process before I met my girlfriend and didn't try to understand, but it is important to realize the necessity for women and compromise a bit, see it from the other side's perspective, not to play on gender stereotypes but nails and outfits might be akin to men and spending time reading sports scores: it's just in each gender's nature to do those sort of things. Just don't force me to paint my nails (whatever is left after I bite them) ever.

Fantasize on,

Robert Yan

Korean (韓国語)

My wonderful girlfriend is Korean and her native language is Korean! Yay! I now have a much more deeper appreciation of Korean, its culture background, its grammar, and more importantly, its relation to Chinese words.

We just spent the first day of a 3-day July 4th weekend in Sequoia National Park (don't highly recommend that place btw if you don't handle high altitude well like me). I had a stuffy nose the whole day that felt like a nosebleed would gush out at any time and a headache that made me hurt every time I turned my head. The good news though is I listened to a Korean language podcast most of the way there and back (a grueling 5 hour trek that's deceptively long due to the actual sequioa redwood trees being much farther from the gate than we anticipated, due to a long winding road straight up the mountain where we could only go 10mph tops. The trees were nice, there was something called the Crescent Meadow that was dreamy, almost out of a scene from "The Sound of Music," but I think we just got caught on one of the busiest days of the year for them, buses were packed with people and it took us 40 minutes in line to get to the gate. I can't imagine what it would have been like at Yosemite, our original destination. 

Korean has replaced, of all things, baseball! My enjoyment from listening to Vin Scully and other baseball announcers describe the game still exists, but I don't get that satisfaction feeling I get from learning a new language. Every time I listen to baseball I think, shouldn't I be using this time to try to get to know my girlfriend better and understand her culture, try to speak her language? It's really a very beneficial mutual compromise, too, where she will listen to Chinese, yell out some words she just heard from the podcast, and I will confirm that that's the right pronunciation, and then I'll do the same a few seconds later in Korean. And then sometimes we'll realize, oh, wow, that word is the same or virtually the same in Korean as it is in Chinese! Wow! And I appreciate Korean even more. My girlfriend doesn't like when I praise the Japanese, but I find it fascinating the crossroads between the 3 large Asian giants of Japanese, Chinese, and Korean and the bonds they share with each other. I wonder if schools in those countries tell students that the languages all kind of intersect with each other and interweave and that learning those other languages might be easier if you're already a native speaker of one (kind of like romance languages like French, Spanish, and English, or if the bitter history between those 2 countries prevents teachers from encouraging students to learn those rivals' languages. 

Learning Korean allows me also to experience the thrilling feeling of learning a new language and being at the beginning stages of learning, the freshness and infinte possibilities, something I got with Japanese 4 years ago when I first started. Everything is new, the feeling of achievement is pretty satisfying. It's a long way to fluency (if I ever get there), but the baby steps to getting there are fun to take. 

Fantasize on, 

Robert Yan