"How to Make a Good Movie," or “My Obsession with Zooey Deschanel”

I don’t understand why movies are bad nowadays. On Christmas Eve I just watched one of my favorite movies ever, “Elf.” Have seen it like 7 times, never gets tiring. Here’s what we can learn about making a good movie from “Elf”:

1.) Try to be the definitive movie of a genre like Christmas. That way you’re a timeless classic. For me, Elf has transcended Home Alone 2 and How the Grinch Stole Christmas as the definitive Christmas movie and will probably stay at the top of the list barring another movie barging in.
2.) Have smart, witty humor. Audiences are smart. They understand jokes and inside jokes. To me humor is like a work of art: you can mold it over time, you can do various things with it, you can try to appeal to various tastes. However, in those 90 minutes or so you can mold a lot of jokes and situational humor in there, and common folk like me are going to appreciate it.
3.) Good music accompanying the movie. For “Elf” it’s the built-in Christmas songs, but they’re well mixed in like during a nice progression scene or used to
4.) Have the montage of scenes of people doing various things/highlight reel. Boy do I love those scenes. They show a lot of things going on in one’s life/the story in a short amount of time
5.) Have a heartwarming story. Obviously depends on what genre you’re going for, but a tried and true method of making a movie is just have a story that makes sense and is uplifting. I mean, it doesn’t take a genius to come up with, “Orphan adopted by Santa Clause, raised by Elves, tries to fit into real world at age 30 looking for long-lost father.” There’s a lot of stuff that can go from there, and lots of them end in a happy ending.
6.) Creativity. That is something that captures my interest right away. I mean, I think what Hollywood is missing sometimes is just originality. I can see the executives/suits in the studios right now looking at performance reviews and revenue charts and spreadsheets as to what works, and so you have all these prequels, sequels, remakes, copycat movies, etc., etc. that will make money but don’t tell a good story. Fortunately there are still some producers/moviemakers out there that will just try to make a good movie and bring something fresh and new to the table.
7.) Have Zooey Deschanel in the movie. That’s a joke. But she’s an example of a very classy-looking, attractive girl with great singing voice, no outside drama in her personal life, great female lead to match with any of your male leads. Appeals to various audiences: guys love her because she’s attractive and the girl next door, girls like her cuz she’s a strong woman who can sing and always looks put together, (doesn’t do nude scenes), parents like her because she’s a good influence…….put her in any real-life kind of movie and you’re going to get the right type of audience to watch. Same applies for Joseph Gordon-Levitt and a bunch of other actors/actresses.

Also, most of this list comprised of me watching not just “Elf” but also “500 Days of Summer,” (set in LA, among many movies where I've idenitified with the surrounding scenery) 2 guilty pleasures I admit to having watched multiple times. I look forward to more of those types of movies (and I’m not just talking about romantic comedies, but I do like them) coming out using my advice!
I think it’s a great idea to have an outdoor ice skating arena in the middle of downtown Los Angeles. I’ve never went there, but I think I will in the near future. It’s very nostalgic and brings thoughts of holding a woman’s hand while skiing and a “suga-sugashii” (refreshing in Japanese) feel reflecting off the ice in the coolness of winter (although it was like 65 degrees today in LA). Perfect for Midwesterners/east coasters in LA who long for the coolness of  back home. It's like a winter fantasyland. (Fantaji tochi or ファンタジー土地 in Japanese)

Fantasize on (Dewa, Jaa mata),

Robert Yan

Idioms

Ever since my 4^th grade language arts teacher suggested I read a book called “Idiot’s Guide to American Idioms,” I’ve been hooked on idioms, of all languages.

I’m not sure why idioms are called idioms and I’m not even sure what differentiates an idiom from an axiom with a proverb, but they’re nice short set of words that convey a meaning other than what the literal sense is. Chinese languages are really some of the best ones out there. They’re usually 4 words long, but they usually pack a great deal in those 4 words, and they’re rich with cultural importance: they reveal a lot about Chinese culture and values.

Most bizarre idiom: Throwing someone under the bus. For assigning blame to someone else, the bizarre image of one actually pushing someone under the tires of a bus is laughable. Really makes you wonder how people came up with this stuff.

Favorite Japanese idiom: Saru mo ki kara ochiru, aka even monkeys fall from trees. We all make mistakes; I’ve made so many of them already in my life.

Idioms to describe my fantasy football season: Pack it in. Put a fork in’em. The joke was on me. And a shared Chinese and Japanese one (the 2 languages share the same idiom): Chu song on 4 sides. Meaning you’re surrounded by the enemy and you’ve given up all hope. I am very slowly souring on fantasy football, as is Bill Simmons, according to his BS Report podcast, although for different reasons. I’ve come to realize that football is just not very conducive for playing fantasy sports. I’m not talking about popularity or appetite for it, those exist aplenty and more than any other fantasy sport, but they scoring system and style  of play of fantasy football is just not that conducive to fantasy. One outlying play can determine so many fantasy games; games are only played once a week; only about 30% of the players even matter for fantasy. It pales in comparison to basketball or baseball, where there are many more individual plays, things even out due to larger sample size, and stat categories are more than just “you get certain amount of points for a type of play.”

Most useful dating idiom: 花より団子Hana yori dango: (Prefer dumplings over flowers). Means to prefer substance over style or appearance. Definitely a good philosophy to adhere to in dating. I went on a first date recently and really got a great conversation going; it’s amazing how much you can gather from 2 hours of a first date just talking as well as observing: whether they’re early or late, what they’re wearing, how fast they respond to your questions, what kind of follow-up questions they have, if they look at you or not, if they laugh at your jokes, if they (in my case, can figure out your magic tricks), as well as what they’re saying. But the most important thing is the substance of the conversation: what one says reveals a whole lot about oneself. Sure, one sentence usually won’t make or break one’s personality (unless it’s “I’m an axe murderer” or something, and of course people can make mistakes in what they want to convey during a conversation 猿 も 木 から 落ちる(saru mo ki o ochiru) but over the course of 2 hours of conversation a lot of who one is comes out in conversation. That’s kind of where I excel, I think, although who knows, I haven’t been on the other side of a Robert Yan grill session, so it’s possible I’m horrible at it. Also, I received the following compliment from the date: I am not arrogant. If there’s one thing I get from this whole dating experience, it’s that I do not come off as overconfident or cocky on a first date. Good to know.

Reminder to self: if you need to, use the restroom to regroup yourself. You don’t need to just sit there and desperately try to find a new topic to talk about. Also, don’t ask, “do you have any questions for me?” Almost ruined the whole night, which went pretty well, when I asked this as the date wondered if I was imitating a telephone service operator asking if there was anything else the client needed help with.  Ah, I really hope this whole dating thing wont’ be “半途而废”(Chinese for stop in midstream)

Anyway, I encourage everyone to study idioms when learning a language, it really helps get a feel for that language’s accompanying culture, as well as help one understand those idioms when they randomly “make a cameo appearance” so that they don’t “throw a wrench in the works” of your language study.

Fantasize on, (Ganbatte!)

Robert Yan 

Mr. Yan Goes to China Again

A week and a half removed from my most recent Chinese experience, I’m finally ready to recap it; this is the first half as I spent 3 days in Shanghai and then 3 days in Hong Kong/Macau
Shanghai
-The Shanghai rush hour is intense. One striking feature is the rudeness of passengers; a bump or a shove is almost to be expected, and there’s no quick apology or head-bow: these things are expected in rush hour. In fact, there’s really not even a word for in Chinese, much like there’s no “bless you” when someone else sneezes.
-For some reason watches were the big thing street peddlers were selling; my American-looking friend was approached on numerous occasions asking him whether he wanted one; they ignored me, suggesting that these vultures were looking for a certain type of species to prey on.
Both Shanghainese and Cantonese seemed like this intricate maze when I was smaller, but I’m kind of getting a hang of both of them; there’s a certain rhythm to them and structure that I appreciate now that I’m kind of getting into other languages.
Tipping- a big deal. Wasn’t aware that Chinese restaurants don’t accept tips ( hadn’t ever needed to foot the bill before) and was downright rejected a couple times for giving a tip. Harkened back to the Steve Buschemi debate in Reservoir Dogs about whether tipping is necessary or not; definitely feel like it’s a government subsidy for restaurant employees.
Maybe I’m getting old, but my feet hurt incredibly on this trip. Must….walk……less not time.
-Pearl Tower’s probably the crown jewel (pun intended) of the Shanghai tourism universal, and they’ve really made it an amusement park in there. Besides the great view up high, there’s a roller coaster, arcade, fine dining area, revolving buffet, museum, etc., etc. Not exactly Disneyland (Shanghai’s Disneyland is actually being built right now) but pretty glitzy.
The Bund, however, is not glitzy and is urban scenery at its place. Gotta say that a lot of these international cities (Tokyo, Shanghai, Hong Kong) have a much better city line/ architecture than Los Angeles. Los Angeles is……..flat in comparison and without a major river running through it, just major traffic.
Shanghai, as with most modern cities, is very efficient now with its subway system. Can get almost anywhere, and quickly. I am almost positive I will live in one of these subway transportation-based cities soon…..L.A. is just not efficient.
A big thing I noticed that was similar to Tokyo was the amount of temples in urban centers; there’ll be streets and buildings and shopping malls and then suddenly one comes upon an open park with a temple inside with places of worship and burning incense. I guess these would just be churches in America, but pretty intriguing to have open-air religious establishments in such densely populated areas.

Everyone’s on their smartphones. Chinese have a word for it now called “Look-down society.” America has people who only look down at their cell phones while walking/sitting on the train/waiting/doing anything. Chinese have the same, and maybe even more so. EVERYONE has a smartphone.

Hong Kong
I was really looking forward to Hong Kong as Shanghai was more of a relative-bonding trip than sightseeing as I’d see pretty much everything as a kid; Hong Kong really was like being shut in for a while but then being unleashed into the world of Avatar or Lord of the Rings: everything was new and fresh. I didn’t know Hong Kong was a series of islands; I didn’t know Hong Kong had an accompanying Kowloon that is prominent in the urban activity of the city; I didn’t know the airport was on a completely different island (Lantau); I didn’t know horse racing was such a big deal; I didn’t know Cantonese. Ah how I love going to new places.
I was thinking that servers and employees in Hong Kong have to be one of the more language-proficient populations in the world……they have to have at least a basic knowledge of English, Mandarin, and Cantonese, and who knows what other languages for internal tourism. Truly a multicultural city.
There’s a Goldfish Market, a Birdcage Market, a Flower Market, basically a market for any kind of thing you can think of. Should I go there and start a fantasy football market?
The views of Hong Kong are spectacular. There’s a daytime view and a night view, and I still can’t decide which one is better. It is a very condensed city as the whole area is on one island, so the buildings are close to each other and you really get a nice skyline, unlike the 7 buildings that tower up above Los Angeles’s massive spread. At night all the buildings light up, and there’s even a light show every night across the Victoria Harbor that’s…..not spectacular but still pretty significant given that they do one every night.
To emphasize just how fast technology is moving, there are internet kiosks INSIDE the railroad stations one can use to access the internet (as long as you keep it to 15 minute sessions). No questions asked. Totally eliminates the need for internet cafes, etc. and shows how much people rely on their smartphones that these places are just given away for free. I personally enjoyed emailing, checking my fantasy football team from 10,000 miles away (although it turns out I would lose the matchups).
It’s really hard to describe being on the streets of Hong Kong. It’s at once disorganized and structured, kind of like controlled chaos. There are people selling all kinds of things sold on the streets and people just milling about with cabs, cars, bicycles motorcycles, trolley lines, buses,  and all kinds of transportation, but you have very defined regions too Really epitomized what I think of in a modern Asian city…..lots of people, hustle, and bustle. O and horse racing.
Lantau is a separate island from Macau and Kowloon that’s all natural beauty….it has a giant Buddha and a nice cable car system that gives a great overlook of the Hong Kong Islands and harbors……..truly a great scene. When I went to Japan I did not experience any of the seas or island nature of Japan…..in Hong Kong I did; it was everywhere. There’s also “new territories” in Hong Kong that we didn’t even have time to visit……if there was a futuristic movie setting a city on an island separated from the world, Hong Kong would be it, I’d think, or at least I’d have Hong Kong in my mind. Truly a one-of-a-kind place that I’m gonna make sure I go to only once.


Macau
We only went to Macau for an afternoon/night session, but we got a lot done and it was really pretty eye-opening. We went through perhaps the busiest and loudest street market I’ve ever been through (it may be just me but Cantonese seems like a very LOUD dialect) on our way to Fortaleza de Monte (Monte Fort) where there’s a giant fort where you can see Macau in 4 different directions. My whole time walking the streets of Macau I saw one person who looked kind of Portuguese. The rest were tourists and Chinese people.
Wynn Macau might be my favorite casino ANYWHERE. It’s got a Bellagio-like water show every 15 minutes but the fresh Asian songs really got me as well as PYROTECHNICS. Yes, fire!!!! Truly eye-opening.
My friends consider me a derelict gambler, but even I was priced out of the Macau casino’s betting limits. First off, the most popular game is baccarat, which I don’t know how to play, but the minimum bet at these places was like $500 HK minimum, aka like $75  US minimum!!!!! The Wynn Las Vegas is only $15 US! What’s up with that! It might also because people in Macau or not there to have fun while gambling, drink while gambling, or “root against the dealer” like in craps/blackjacks (very sparse amount of tables in Macau as opposed to in US where it’s the main attractions)……they’re there to win money.
Everything about Macau screams “GAMBLE!” As soon as we got off the ferry from HK to Macau (one runs every 15 minutes and they’re all sold out) you can see free buses shuttling people to each of the casinos. They want to get you to the casinos as soon as possible.
I mean, why even have the Macau dollar? Restaurants accept Hong Kong dollars or Chinese Yuan, but they’re slightly different where Macau dollar is slightly less valuable so you have to go to the trouble of calculating………we should make tourism less complicated, guys, come on!
Btw, I’m a big believer in being able to watch good movies on internal flights (mainly because you’re packed in for at least 11 hours and you can’t just nap through that)…….Don’t take China Eastern Airlines. Take China Southern Airlines. Subtle difference, but huge IMO for spending that extra vacation time on the plane. I don’t know about most people, but my idea of flying to my vacation destination involves completely letting loose and vegetating on a movie.


Coming in 2014: Austrailia/Thailand?

Fantasize on, 

Robert Yan 

Luck be a lady

How much does luck play a role? Well, Andrew Luck plays a huge role on the Colts, who will easily win the AFC South season and look to do some serious damage in the AFC playoffs. But I’m talking about luck in fantasy football, and now that I lost in devastating fashion in my “this is the league I care about” league by ending the season on a 5-game losing streak and missing the playoffs by 1 game, I felt it time to (whine) write about how much luck plays a role in fantasy football. (Hint: It’s a lot)

1.)    Injuries- the amount of season-ending injuries in JUST the fantasy football landscape this year were too numerous to count.  Arian Foster, Reggie Wayne, Jake Locker, Sam Bradford, Julio Jones, Randall Cobb, David Wilson, are just some of the fantasy studs that landed on IR this season. Realize that the fantasy football players we care about cover only about 25% of the league, and we realize how much of an epidemic injuries are.  There’s an argument that one can predict injuries based on injury history, but that doesn’t explain Arian Foster, who’s been healthy every season he’s played, or Ryan Mathews, who’s stayed healthy this season despite being hurt all the time. There’s a lot of “freak” in these injuries. And football is pretty unique in that an injury to one player can devastate the value of another, i.e., Jordy Nelson when Aaron Rodgers went down (and was replaced by Scott Tolzien), or all Indy receivers a few years ago when Peyton Manning went down. Injuries are magnified in fantasy football.

2.)    Touchdowns – the fact that a TD can be worth as much as 60 yards is pretty absurd. You can have PPR-leagues, yardage leagues, return yardage leagues, etc., but no matter what format, TD’s are the great equalizer. And they’re random; how many times do you say Calvin Johnson get tackled at the 1 and then Kris Durham get the 1-yard TD pass? Or the fullback scores? Or a defensive TD? Touchdowns are the hardest things to predict for an individual player’s performance, but they’re worth the most points in fantasy football.

3.)    Less games – NFL has 16 games of stats to go off of (really 15 because fantasy football leagues don’t usually use Week 17), compared to 162 games for the MLB, 82 for the NBA. That means large swings of information based on one game. The “less games” also makes a manager less able to adjust, whereas in baseball one can adjust daily lineups, in football one cannot change lineups during a game and once the game’s over the whole week is over. No adjustments = less skill involved, more luck involved.

4.)    Less positions to fill- my “I care about it a lot league” has ample positions including 2QBs and 2 flex positions, but many leagues I play in only have 1 QB, 2 RB, 3 WR, 1 TE, 1 K, 1 DEF, sometimes even less than that. That’s 9 positions you need to account for, as opposed to 21 in standard baseball leagues, 12 or so in fantasy basketball leagues. The impact of one player having a monster game gets magnified. Anytime there’s less sample size, luck plays a bigger role.

Really, most fantasy football people realize this, which is why fantasy football has the least dealings with “advanced metrics” like baseball or other scientific stat points, it’s pretty much recognized in the fantasy world as more of a crapshoot than anything else, so people just go with it knowing that it’s more of a luck fest. But it’s very very fun, and a great way to compete with other enthusiasts, even casual ones, which maybe why it’s the most popular.

I have a theory about this. (You thought the article was over, didn’t you?) I think Americans like the fact that there’s a lot of luck involved. That’s why people play the lottery, play table games at casinos. You know there’s really no skill involved in “hitting” on a 16 against a 21, but you do it anyway because you want to “test your luck,” and sometimes it works. Even when science is screaming at you that the 45% chance that it turns out well doesn’t make sense against the 55% chance it won’t, your body feels good when that 45% chance pans out, and you have fun. That’s lady luck for you, and she comes in many forms, especially in fantasy football. 

How do you say "lucky" in Japanese? They say "rakki," or basically just "lucky." A lot of Japanese words are taken from English words. So you already  know more Japanese than you think. 

Fantasize on, 

Robert Yan