Lessons from Japan, Part II

11.) No matter what, no matter where you are, no matter what time of the day it is, be at a computer with internet access 15 minutes before 10:00AM Pacific time on Sunday morning. You never know what might happen right before the first NFL games kickoff, especially for fantasy football. I personally braved the langugage gap and the deepest of nights in god-knows-where Japan at 3:00AM to set my lineup. Lesson here: fantasy football comes first. 

12.) Here's an idea: a monkey park where anyone can come and see about 2 hundred monkeys in their natural habitat, as well as get peanuts/fruit/chips to give to the monkeys in an enclosed area to get the experience of "feeding the animals." Also included: a very scenic view of an entire city whence you just came. Good idea or bad idea? Well, this worked n Kyoto, Japan.......probably the highlight of my trip, feeding monkeys and watching them mess with each other/scratch their behinds/urinate freely while getting a great glimpse of the whole expanse of the second largest city in Japan. 

Picture that same monkey park.......in Los Angeles, CA. Up high, somewhere around Griffith Observatory or right near the Getty Center. I think it'd work. 

13.) Don't go to Himeji castle: not open after 4:00PM, far out of the way of anything, main building not open until 2015. Jus check it out on the internet or something. 

14.) Take out all the money you think you mae at the beginning of the trip, at the airport. The currency exchange process is unnecessarily difficult, in my opinion. I had to go to a post office, give my name, my passport, social security number, life savings deposit, favorite color, etc., etc..........just not a great experience; it was like I was checking into prison or applying for a heart transplant. Guys, it's real simple, I give you $100 American dollars, you give me 8000 Yen, minus a little for your commission. I'm not trying to rip you guy off or anything, seriously. 

15.) It's probably me, but I LOOOOOOVVVEEEE getting on a train right before it closes its doors and get off. Knowing that I JUST made it it somewhere really excites me. Like I got away with highway robbery. All right it's definitely just me. Plus, half the time I realize I'm not even on the right train. 

16.) But that leads to my next point: you can afford to get on a train without knowing exactly which one it is, or go towards a shrine without knowing where it is, try a new food you've never heard of before, or talk to someone with the proper training in Japanese.....you can afford to take risks. If you ge off or on the wrong train, you can always take the next train, arriving 5 or 7 minutes later (even in the reverse direction). If you go towards the wrong shrine, that shrine could be just as beautiful. If you talk to one Japanese person and they just stare at you with a blank look, you can just ask someone else. Doesn't hurt to try new things. 

17.) Japan is PRECISE: the gardens are managed precisely, the trains run on time, the Japanese language is spoken with precision. No shortcuts or unfinished jobs in this country, they know what they're doing. 

18.) Another idea based on animals: a city fully devoted to the deer, who is a holy messenger and considered an honored guest of the city. Deer roam all around the city; people, buses, and cars all have to stop for them. Tourists come from all around to see them; they go to tourists whom they know have food and want to feed them. GREAT IDEA! Imagine if you're a city like Milwaukee, you don't have much tourism, you're not really known for anything, and you have a sports franchise named the bucks. Get a city permit for the deer, avoid animal strict liability lawsuits, ship 1000 deer from like the Minnesota backwoods, cut off horns of the males to make sure they don't gore somebody, and have a great home court advantage for all Bucks games. The advertising campaign is already made: "Fear the Deer." TNT cutaways to the deer munching on grass outside the stadium. If you're Milwaukee, why WOULDN'T you do that? This message was approved by Robert, running for mayor of Milwaukee 2020. 

19.) NEVER take the Kodama train. It's technically a "Shinkansen" line meaning it's a "bullet train" and should go really fast, but I really wanted to just take a bullet and apply it to myself, cuz it stops at each station and is parked a LONG time at each of those stations. As if people don't have somewhere to be. Take the Hikari or Sakura instead if you have a JR pass. 

20.) Have fun. Don't stress about money, schedule, language, food, and (definitely not) work during vacation. Take a vacation. Especially now that I'm a "responsible adult" and realize how rare vacations come along, I value these things a lot more. Fantasize about something: fantasize about living in a foreign country, living a different lifestyle, being a different person. Lose yourself. 

Fantasize on, 

Robert Yan. 

The movie gluttony 2012

On my way to and from Japan, I watched exactly 10 movies, of varying qualities. Btw, Korean Airlines, for having tickets available for $800+ to Japan round-trip, has nice service, including a nice selection of movies, and up-to-date, a lot of 2012 hits and new releases. I tried to select a wide array of releases, genres, and actors/actresses. This is NOT including the 5 minutes I gave "Out of Africa" (couldn't bear with it) or "The Life of Timothy Green" that I literally fell asleep through. I honestly gave these movies an honest viewing and neutral mindset going in, not what I usually do, which is try to watch a movie while doing other things. I also hadn't seen the IMDB ratings for these movies, so

Watching 10 movies (4 on the way over there, 6 on the way back) has its percs: you've really got nothing else to do: reading gets boring after awhile, sleeping requires being in the right state, and and daydreaming is only exciting for so long. You get small screen, the screen can move depending on the person in front of you, and the headphone quality can get spotty, and the captain always wants to interrupt you with the completely extraneous news that "Hey we hit turbulence again!" I mean, what else are you going to do when sitting in the middle seat of a double-digit hour flight in economy class, with no legroom, poor lighting, and no access to the internet? the airplane movie probably was one of the best inventions in airplane-related history; it's like the the armchair sofa to the TV.

Without further ado, here are my top 10 movies that I saw, in order from worst to first:

10.) Seeking a Friend for the End of the World - seriously, what was this? Besides being completely unbelievable even at the end of the world that a 55-year-old boring dude whose wife just left him would fall in love with a 28-year-old hyppy woman within about 36 hours, this a character development movie that had Steve Carell and Kiera Nightly being the wrong characters. And unlike the other cruddy movies on this list, it didn't have any comedy or action to even salvage it. It's like right before one of your friends is about to make a horrible decision and you just wanna yell, NO!!! NO!!!!....that's what I wanted to tell the producers when they decided to make this movie. I wholly wish I could have had my 90 minutes back. (Rotten Tomatoes 55%- they had an extra 5 in there).
9.) Men in Black III - you'd think with all those years in between and the "Back in Time" storyline it'd be good, especially as a 3rd movie in a franchise, but this was really just bad. I coulda sniffed the plot a mile away, no love interest for either J or K, the time travel thing had more holes in it than Spongebob Squarepants. Wasn't there a time when Men in Black was good to watch? Maybe that was just me as a kid liking all movies (Rotten Tomatos 69%- woulda went MUCH lower)
8.) The Watch - was barely watchable. Ben Stiller and Vince Vaugh not funny, Jonah Hill kinda funny but not enough to salvage it. Once the aliens started popping up, the plane ride and this movie mercifully ended. (17%- about right, maybe a little higher for a tad of comedic value if you were in a lonely, lonely place and needed something, anything)
7.) Snow White and the Huntsman
- This got really weird to me, and half the time I kept thinking how Charlize Theron looked worse than she did in Monster, Kristin Stewart is just in some bad movies, and why there's like talking birds and mass violence in this Snow White story I used to know. Manageable with a bit of intrigue, but it's like a butterless piece of undercooked toast......you can do better.  (Rotten Tomatoes: 49%- I'd have went lower)
6.) Brave - seriously one of the worst Disney movies I've ever seen, and that's a euphemistic insult (the opposite of a backhanded compliment) in the sense that I at least grouped it as a Disney movie (commonly known as instant classics the second they came out). This was not. I couldn't feel any empathy for the main character (bad sign), the Scottish accents were horrible, and nothing was even solved. And there wasn't really even a villain!!!!!! No wonder Brave, for all the hype going in, got no pub after it came out. Disney/Pixar probably just wants to pretend that one never came out and start publicizing the next one.
Note: Instantly regretted not seeing Ice Age 3, which was also available as my "cartoon flick". (Rotten Tomatoes 78%- I woulda went MUCH lower)
5.) Safe -at this point watching a Jason Statham movie is like going to the zoo: You know you're gonna get a bit of excitement, you know exactly which roads to take and plot twists you're gonna get, but you go anyway and you still get some pleasure out of it. And there was a bit of a plot here, not great but made you watch.(Rotten Tomatos 57%- about right, a very bread-and-butter formula for mild success movie)
4.) Celeste and Jesse Forever (Rotten Tomatoes 70%)- also another one that Rotten Tomatoes got about right. Interesting stories, very believable (including the artsy-guy-has-awesome girlfriend and good looks but-doesn't-wanna-get-a-job part) that isn't heartbreaking but good enough to get me a glimpse of another lifestyle and all the rough edges of living out life. I'll say that it was a very interesting ending given the name of the movie, but like many good movies it wasn't about the ending, it was how they got there).
3.) The Amazing SpiderMan (Rotten Tomatoes -73%).... once again, Rotten Tomatoes, spot on. 20 minutes in I realized I knew the exact plot of this movie having seen the cartoons and Doc Croc (they called him the Lizard, which is just factually inaccurate but I'll live), but the movie still was pretty good, which is a good sign. Seems like the start of a great franchise with a better (than Tobey McGuire as Spiderman and the That-70's-guy guy as Green Goblin) Spiderman.
2.) Ted- great. Lots of toilet humor, sexual humor, crude humor to the point of being excessive, but that just made it excessively funny. Exactly what I was looking for to start off my trip to Japan, a laugh-out-loud comedy with at least one hot chick (Mila Kunis never disappoints, although there were some lookers amongst the co-workers). (69%- the movie was better than that, America's just a bunch of haters on this movie.....a great comedy and a great lesson on growing up).
1.) Safety Not Guaranteed- accidentally clicked on this just searching desperately for a good movie after having endured through Brave. No. 1 choice and boy was this movie a surprise. It wasn't a great start, and there were parts I was plenty confused about and "where is this going?" but the ending was just great and just tied everything up before that, one of the better endings I've seen for a long time that made me going "Wow" at the end of it. I'll say that it's a movie about believing, about trying something new, and a little laughter and romance in between. It's somewhat a movie about time travel, and it handled it miles better than Men in Black did: it built it up, it gave reasons for the time travel, it made the time travel realistic in terms of real life, "Can this time travel thing actually happen?" Absolutely smart and well put-together, you actually feel smarter coming out of it (unlike many of the movies on this list). Just like the theme of the movie, it made you consider trying new things again and taking a chance on things (and people). Can't recommend it more highly.

Fantasize on,

Robert Yan

Lessons from Japan, Part I

Just came storming back from a trip to Japan...Tokyo, Kyoto, Nara, Hiroshima, Osaka, Narita, the little sushi stand at the train station in Himeji....you name it, I went there. A whirlwind of a trip (not of the hurricane or tsunami kind) and left quite an impression. Not really, unless you count the number of Japanese natives who were frustrated and impatiently waiting while I tried to understand what they ere saying or showing my inability to conjure up basic Japanese greetings and phrases.

Anyway, here are some life lessons when visiting Japan:

1.) Stay to the Left! Like the little-known and less-remembered Rihanna hit "To the left, to the left," that's what you should be singing to yourself walking (or driving) in the streets of Japan. Can't tell you how unnatural it felt to do so, fighting my every instinct, as well as how many times I almost collided with an incoming stranger because he (rightly) went left and I (not rightly) went right. (See what I did there?) That should be in every traveler's manual and tourbook about Japan. It's irresponsible not to.

2.) Sewer systems in Japan leave something to be desired. First night in Tokyo, big downpour. My Nike shoes were not well-equipped, but the real problem was the puddliness on the streets of Tokyo. I didn't see sewers or gutters anywhere. One would almost think they're not well-suited to handle water!


3.) Flip a coin when you have to talk to a random Japanese person..........about a 50% chance that person will know English and be able to converse. Relatively good odds, I'd say, for a non-European/Australian country with no history of being dominated by an English-speaking culture.

4.) Most toilets (the ones that aren't just squat-and-go, i.e. just a pit) have a Japanese symbol that means "big" and another one that means "little." Not sure about what that meant, but I have some ideas. I think it has to do with how much water is needed for flushing, if you get my "drift."

5.) unlike a lot of places I've been too (many of them in China), it smells......neutral.

6.) Subways are Amaaaaaaaaaaazing. L.A. city developers, here are tickets to Tokyo, Japan....please go through the subway system and learn from the efficiency and convenience of that city. The subways get anyone from anywhere to anywhere else, and fast.......the trains run on time, there are a lot of them, and Los Angeles needs them. NOW.

6a) Subway stations are its own little city. They have food, internet cafes, etc.... even its own map in case you get lost within the station (which I did). Quick traveler's tip: If you don't know where your hotel is yet and need to drop your luggage off somewhere quick, use the "coin lockers" at subway stations so you can just explore a city and then get out quick-like.

7.) Shin- (insert city here in Japan) is NOT the same as (insert city here). Don't make the same mistake I did and wind up in the wrong city altogether and 2 subway lines away from where I wanted to be. Not a pleasant experience.


8.) Shhhhhhh......don't talk on the trains!!!!! In fact, don't talk to anybody anywhere, is the general vibe I get. Not very communicative, except for the tourist-industry people.

9.) Sumo wrestling: Yea, not the most inventive sport ever invented. It's like when a little kid gets their first pair of monster truck toys and mashes them together to see which one will win.....it's really just brute force, in my opinion. Also, it's like horse racing or MMA fight: a LOT of build-up for not much action. The "wrestlers" throw salt around, prance around, and do the crowd favorite move (apparently): slap their naked abdominal area. The crowd cheers. O, and what's that about collusion and fixed matches? Yea, definitely rumors of that.

9a) And how do the wrestlers get so humongous? Most of the people in Japan are, for a lack of a better word, shrimpy, definitely not wide or fatty. And that's because of the food........there's just not a lot of it .They eat delicate, they eat exquisite, they eat seafood. They don't eat fatty, they don't eat a lot (judging by the amount of food I received every time I bought udon noodles.

10.) I wonder sometimes if a Japanese speaker, knowing that a tourist doesn't know a lick of Japanese and having been adequately provoked, just says "screw you" to that tourist. Can't believe that's never happened, certainly I gave enough reason to.

11.) Lot of "Hai's" meaning yes. No, thy're not saying hi to you, and you saying "hai" to them is just the equivalent of going around to everyone saying "Yes," "Yes," "Yes" to everything. The epitome of a Yes Man.