FantasySportGuru Headhunter Letter, Part IV

Dear Fantasy Basketball Manager,

We are pleased to bring you our fourth annual headhunter letter, longer and better than before. We at the Fantasy SportsGuru Headhunter, Inc. do not promise any results from our recommended candidates; individual results may vary. Last year, for instance, we were in error when we brought to you Russell Westbrook and Jrue Holiday, who true to their UCLA Bruin ways, failed to live up to expectations, especially in the instance of one Mr. Holiday. The lesson was, in this instance, to never trust anyone named “Jrue.” Here in 2012, we have thoroughly researched the diverse applicant pool and come to conclusions on several remarkable candidates.

One Alfred Joel Horford Reynoso (a.k.a. Al Horford) has thoroughly impressed us this season due to his dedicated work ethic, ability to work with colleagues, and positive contributions in multiple capacities (points, rebounds, assists, steals, FG%, etc.) Now separated from cancerous former colleagues (Joe Johnson), Mr. Horford will be coming back strong from a injury-plagued season

Another strong candidate is a young man with great credentials who has already reached the highest level of the college ranks is one Anthony Davis, who has thoroughly impressed all experts while winning the national championship in his first year. He will have quite a challenge adjusting to the professional ranks, but his elite skill set has really never been witnessed before in our industry. Do not be put off by his massive unibrow; Scoff at the rumors that he is not even human; enjoy this man’s role as the backbone of your organization’s defensive strategy.

Emerging from the backwoods of Timberwolves country, Luke Ridnour is a renowned sharpshooter who distributes passes with the precision of a proficient hunter during duck season in the Land of Ten Thousand Lakes. He has proven to be a strong adhesive in any team environment, and his salary demands will be very miniscule. He will provide his own lunch and bring his lunch pail to work. Please consider this underrated candidate as a source of glue to solidify your organization.

As always, we must caution you against some fraudulent candidates who will only weigh you down. This is our official statement that we cannot sign off on these candidates.

Tyreke Evans is a very exciting professional and can create flickers of hope for the downtrodden masses of Sacramento with some aesthetically-pleasing performances, but upon a closer look at numbers, he weighs down the team in various capacities (FG%, FT%, TO) and may do more harm than good. Steer clear.

We have always appreciated Mr. Dwayne Wade’s “Fall Down Seven, Get up Eight” attitude and charitable spirit in giving Sports Utility Vehicles to random children, but we believe he has engaged in a downward spiral and is not keeping up with the new age. His demeanor has also shifted for the worse, becoming abrasive at neutral officials and testy with other colleagues not named LeBron James. Mr. Wade’s best years, as can be said about Mr. Bryant and Mr. Duncan before, are behind him.

Finally, despite his heroic efforts and superhuman shows of ability, Dwight Howard has never been able to cure his biggest weaknesses (lack of offensive skill and charity stripe work), and now entering his 9^th season, a change of scenery to the bright lights of Hollywood and the sharp criticisms of Kobe Bryant might be a turn for the worst. Recent reports are that Mr. Howard is not yet ready to work, and even does pass a physical he will not justify the price that you must pay for his services. Please do not invest in the services of this man.

We know that you will have many questions and doubts throughout the season about your employees, invovling many trials and tribulations, and you will develop personal relationships with the employees that you do eventually hire. We recommend that you hire mostly with cold hard facts and our numbers, (partly because if you don't in real life there's bound to be employment litigation in your future), but also so that you can have fun with your employees (short of finding yourself in a closet with your pants down with them); you will enjoy yourself if you enjoy those you surround yourself with.

Fantasize on,

Fantasysportguru Headhunter, Inc.

Chairman, President, and Omicient Ruler

Playoffs? We Talking bout Playoffs?

In this post I flip the whole  playoffs notion on its head.  

First off, About 2 weeks ago I endured one of the most taxing experiences in human life: going through a fantasy baseball playoff season. It was only 2 weeks, but it felt like forever. Happened 2 weks ago,but I’m still recovering from it.

1.)    Have to set your lineup every day.

2.)    Have to interpret weather patterns and cold fronts moving through the Midwest to the East Coast to see how it will affect the evening Tuesday games.

3.)    Makes me interested in Astros v. Marlins at the end of the season when both teams are a combined 64.5 games out.

4.)    There are some young guys who EXCEL at the end of the season for various reasons, either because they’ve finally been given some playing time, they’re playing for a new contract, the pitchers they face are September call-ups, etc.

5.)    Pitchers’ starts get moved around a LOT. And at a whim.

6.)    You get texts from your opponent all the time regarding what happened.

7.)    Anything can happen in a one-week playoff. Unfortunately, the best team doesn’t always win. (Just ask the managers in my USC Law league, who saw a regular season with 2 dominant teams who got byes as the #1 and #2 seeds only to see the #6 seed beat the No. 3, No. 2, and No.1 seeds in a epic run in the playoffs where each matchup was decided on the last day, even the last game, of the week.  *See note below about playoffs.

8.)    You need to be not working to fully enjoy it. Unfortunately, I won’t have that luxury for about 45 years.

Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on how you like them,) a playoff system is an imperfect way of deciding who the “best team” is. The playoffs are exciting, they get great ratings, and they provide some sort of way to “resolve” the season in an elimination format, in a sort of “do-or-die” system where there’s a winner, or a loser. As exciting as it is, its flaws are that it 1.) neutralizes the regular season as almost irrelevant besides determining “byes” and who actually makes the playoffs. Important to narrow a 30-team field to say, 16 teams (like in the NBA), but it really doesn’t reward the teams who had a great regular season, as 2.) the moment the playoffs begin, the regular season becomes irrelevant. Basically, 80% of the season (in most sports) is the regular season, and it’s totally made irrelevant as soon as the playoffs begin. 3.)There is no “clutch” playoff team. I’m in the camp where teams don’t magically “become a great playoff team because they’re clutch,” it’s just luck. Teams get hot all the team, at the beginning of the season, in the middle of the season, whatever, “great playoff teams” just happen to get hot at the best time, the end of the season. There’s ways to increase that chance of “being great in the postseason,” by saving your studs or trying to get the most favorable schedule, for instance, but teams inherently don’t just “get to another level” in the playoffs. 4.) It gives random, less-deserving winners. There’s been a rash of teams both in my fantasy leagues and real sports. 2011 St. Louis Cardinals, 2012 New York Giants, 2010 San Francisco Giants, 2011 Green Bay Packers, just to name a few: had mediocre regular seasons, barely squeezed into the playoffs, then made epic runs through the playoffs. Great television, certainly, and in a way “deserved” because they beat the so-called “best teams,” but were they really the “best” team that year? What if their one-month run happened in the early parts of the regular season? It’d just be a “nice winning streak,” nothing special. It makes us totally forget about the teams who were “best from start to almost-finish (right before they lost in the playoffs) of those years, including the 2011 Philadelphia Phillies, the 2012 Green Bay Packers, etc. Certainly we like playoff system in that they “pit the best teams against each other at the end of the season and may the best team win,” but let’s just remember what it is: an imperfect way of determining a champion of a sport.

The most “pure” system of determining a champion of a league, in my opinion, is actually the college football system. (where there’s no playoffs---- I know, like 85% of the world disagrees with me). Remember, though, I’m saying “purest” or “most pure” (whichever one is grammatically correct), not “ the best.” In college football, EVERY game matters in terms of trying to win a championship because if you lose, you are out of the national championship hunt. The regular season IS the playoff; no games are irrelevant, every game could end your season. (Witness USC @ Stanford 2012). The best 2 teams that play for the national championship at the end of the year are the 2 teams that have played “the best” throughout the season, managing no losses or one loss to a worse team. Now, obviously the BCS has BIG problems like why a certain 12-1 team gets to go to the national title game rather than another 12-1 team, but in terms of allowing the regular season to dictate the champions, that is pure.

However, for my sports viewing, I’m all for playoffs. It means high stakes, great action, and an excuse to sit around with friends watching athletes compete at the highest level with everything on the line. I’m a fan.  

Fantasize on, 

Robert Yan