Wedding Ceremony (結婚式) - Is it worth it?

Over the weekend I went to a wedding ceremony- called a "kekkonshiki" in Japanese. This was a traditional American-style affair, and I had a great time. There was all of the things a usual wedding has- musicians, a flowergirl, "you may kiss the bride," a glorious view of the beach, a table with wedding photos, a reception with music and dancing, and the most important, a loving bride and groom. Optional things that weren't included this time were a chocolate fountain, photo booth, or open bar. But to me, good for them, because those latter things are part of the wastefulness of weddings- they're just sort of putting up a sign of wealth, a show of wealth for the sake of showing that one is wealthy, which I think is wasteful (もったいない). In fact, many people argue that having a wedding is unnecessary, and you might as well spend money on a house, or the honeymoon, which I'm starting to agree. Based on everything I've heard- the wedding is more for the guests- the guests have a lot of fun, which I've had and will continue to have (it's wedding season, after all, and I have another wedding coming up this weekend. According to the married couples I've talked to, their feelings after having had the wedding vary from "it was too expensive- I dropped $40 grand in one one day!) to "I barely remember it, it was a blur," "Looking back at the photos I really didn't recognize some of the guests that were there" to simply "I made a big mistake."

I don't consider myself necessarily "cheap" or penny-pinching, but I do like to get the best value in things, and I think the wedding business is one big......yup, if you've read this blog you guessed it....pyramid scheme. I mean, to be married is one thing, finding one's partner life and making the commitment and sharing one's love and getting the tax benefit from it by making it official, but is a wedding really necessary to show that? I think society (or the wedding industry) has ingrained this sense of "it's not official until you've been married at a wedding" and a sense of accomplishment and success to the idea of a wedding, and it leads to a LOT of excess. Why can't you just invite all of your friends to a barbeque at the park or something? That seems to entail a lot less hassle and more importantly financial distress, and most importantly, time. I've heard people spend a whole year in advance planning the wedding, figuring out who to invite, what song to walk down the aisle to, what should be included in the registry....I mean, are those things really improving one's livelihood or contributing to society in anyway, except to have one big party for half a day? I mean, I get upset if I waste a few hours time, not to mention a whole year planning for something that lasts one day and costs me half a year's salary. Sure you only need to do it once in a lifetime (ideally, that is) but it definitely reminds me of the "everyone's doing it, so it must be cool" idea from high school. 

For me, I'm still planning on having a wedding "to celebrate the joyous occasion," but I could definitely be convinced by a loving wife (hopefully, cross fingers!) NOT to have a wedding and just go to Aruba or somewhere exotic instead. Rant completed. 

I also went to a Bar association dinner over the weekend- if you want to talk about wasteful, THAT was wasteful! 

The Brian Dozier Theory - Is Age 27 the Breakout Year?

There's a common refrain in baseball that age 27 is a big-time breakout year for players......that the natural progression for a baseball player is to come up from college at about age 22, go through the minor leagues until age 24, be called up to the majors and struggle as a rookie or 2nd year player, and then have a big-time breakout, welcome-to-the-big-leagues season at age 27. Two prime examples of this theory last year were demonstrated by Brian Dozier, the 2nd base-extraordinaire who went 20-20 (20 HRs, 20 steals), and Michael Brantley, who had a Top-10 statistical season and batted well over .300 (very difficult to do nowadays). They were both ranked at or below the Top 200 players going into last season, so calling it a "breakout" was very apt. Someone like Buster Posey, however (turned 27 last year) was already a known commodity and was expected to contribute in a big way, so his really good season (.300 BA, 20 HRs from a catcher) was not considered a true breakout.

If you DO buy into the age 27 theory, here are some candidates for breakouts in 2015:

Johnny Giovatella, long-time Royals prospect now the 2B for the Angels
Wilson Ramos and Jason Castro, pair of catchers to vaunt up the ladder.
Finally, Justin Upton: people already have high expectations of him, but is this the year he fulfills his prophecy and becomes a Top 10 player?

That said, experts have done studies on this theory and pretty much have debunked it, and guys like Brantley and Dozier are probably just examples of guys who breakout at every age (Steve Pearce broke out last year at age 31), and Mike Trout broke out at age 20, in his rookie season. For example, in 2008 prime 27-year-old breakouts on everyone's radar included Ryan Garko, Austin Kearns, and Chad Tracy. It's safe to say those guys didn't pan out.


Anyway, 2014-2015 was the year I turned 27, and didn't really "break out" in dodgeball or legal education or relationship-wise (STILL SINGLE!), but Japanese definitely took a big step forward, and I think I learned that every year, as long as I am learning a new skill, or constantly improving myself, no matter what age that is, I can have little "breakouts" (and not the annoying acne kind) along the way. Less than one month to go until 28, and on to my late twenties!

Speaking of which, I've always wondered what the percentage of relationships are comprised of the man being younger than the woman, and conversely which ones have older men. My colleagues seem to agree that it's about a 70/30 or 80/20 split in favor of men older than women, or even more, and the precise number is definitely undecided, but everyone says it's definitely more older men-younger women relationships. I can see why society is like that due to the fact that women seem to mature faster than men (most men) and the whole "biological clock" issue which I just learned about recently (call me naive), but I don't think it has to be necessarily like that. Women I guess also like men who are more "settled down" and have "had their fun" before committing to one woman, which I guess can be the case. In my case "settling down" would not be having to pick through all the women who are after me (every man's dream I guess) but instead to maybe actually want to go into a long-term relationship and committing to someone for the rest of my life and not go off and do a solo vacation in a foreign country, which I am wont to do. I guess "committing to one woman" is the test of a relationship, and it comes with age and maturity in a man's case to understand that they need someone and to sacrifice the single way of life.

Fantasize on,
Robert Yan

Better Late than Never: And analyzing the costs and benefits of Shanai renai (社内恋愛)

Wow 100 days have already come and gone in 2015, and there's a lot to update since my last post.


It's really amazing the ebb and flow of time, sometimes you can go for months without thinking any time has passed, without taking a break, without changing one's routine, and all of a sudden it's April and baseball season has just started.

1.) As tax day is just a few days away, let me be the first to say how psychologically and financially uplifting it is to get a tax refund instead of have to pay the government back more money.

2.) Baseball season is upon us! One week's already in the books and although nothing spectacular's happened so far like Emilio Bonifacio's Week of Glory to start 2014, 2015 started with a 5-homer week by Adrian Gonzalez (3 in one game), a 7-steal week for Billy Hamilton, renaissance starts for Aaron Harang and Ubaldo Jimenez, the impending retirment of LaTroy Hawkins, and noticeable exception of Kris Bryant from the major leagues. Baseball is back!

3.) Don't eat suspicious-looking meat, tuna, or salmon before a skiing trip. Could ruin the whole trip as it did for me, luckily only for a weekend back in February. Spent most of the trip in the bathroom and laid up in bed, did not enjoy the snowy slopes or the cozy cabin conditions of Colorado.

4.) Back up your Iphone before you do anything. There's this thing called the Icloud now (no, not the kind that rain comes out of) that allows you to back up everything quickly and efficiently, as long as you don't forget. I forgot. I now have less memories and less pictures (and I'm someone who doesn't take many pictures) than I had before.

4a.) Back up your computer files every few weeks. Never know when your computer just breaks down and you lose everything.

5.) Watch "Date," a Japanese drama/comedy. I find myself making hyperbolic statements often enough that I probably can't be taken seriously anymore, but probably one of the best shows I have ever seen, period. (any language) And obviously, I'm in the dating phase now so the subject matter appeals to me as well.

6.) Game of Thrones is back! Season 5, diversions from the book, more dragons, what will happen after Tywin Lannister is gone, O no! The first episode predictably......was slow and developing, nothing really interesting happening. But much like baseball, we have so much to look forward to!

7.) I think I'm addicted to learning Japanese. Seriously, it's an intellectual challenge that appeals to me, that constantly gives me new things to study but also gives me small gratifying moments along the way where I learn a new nugget, like getting a token for some small arcade game achievement. Japanese culture is also vastly interesting with specific terms like aijin (mistress), izakaya (drinking pub), Narita rikon (shotgun wedding), Freeta (job hopper) and so much more. It's like a new way of life, and for someone like me who readily absorbs and enjoys new things, it is like a breath of fresh air.....every day. And helps me stay motivated to study more.

So the topic on my mind is the concept of office romance, or 社内恋愛, a term the Japanese have developed to describe this type of relationship. I personally have never had a Shanai renai because I've never had a renai/ relationship/ been in love, so I wouldn't know. However, it's natural that this sort of thing happens: co-workers spend at least 40 hours of the week together, and you get to know one another, pass by each other, develop bonds and go through the same things together. That's probably where the concept of a "work spouse" originates too: there's just some people at work that you spend more time than even one's own spouse, who you get along with in a certain way.

Shanai renai, of course, comes with some special challenges that normal dating couples don't have. Spending all that time together is a double-edged sword. The couple has already spent so much time together during the work week, does it make sense to go out and see each other MORE after work? Lack of space, getting sick of one another, those kinds of issues can arise. There's also colleagues and built up stress at work carrying over outside of work, the possibility that the company goes kaput or the project ends and both members of the relationship are out of work (it's kind of like having your top 2 hitters on a fantasy baseball team be on the same team and go through the same hitting slump together). Well, this would be actually much much worse, a very serious lack of diversification.

But with all the challenges of a workplace romance, a lot of people in the history of the world have done it. I know people who have done it. Jim and Pam from "The Office" did it. It can definitely work out. There's a lot of good things that can come from it: shared experiences, same circle of friends/ support groups, and not ever having the issue of "you don't spend enough time with me" or "we don't see each other often enough." As I grow older and closer to that magic number of 30, I realize that I really do want to be with someone, and as much as dodgeball, traveling, fantasy baseball, and having alone time can satisfy me pretty well, I do desire being with someone and falling in love, and going through the turmoils and delights of a relationship, the ups and downs. But I'm never going to get that unless I put myself out there and give it a shot. But in order to get started on a solid relationship (at least for Japanese people), I have to go through the dreaded kokuhaku (告白), confessing my like/love for someone. O gosh. That is NOT my strong suite. Anyway I can skip this? Sigh. 

Fantasize on, 

Robert Yan